Sunday & Monday-the "CLEANSE" craze

Sunday:
Okay day one of the cleanse. I really am lucky, it’s not as bad as The Master cleanse I tried once. On that one you keep drinking this nasty concoction of lemon, syrup, and cayenne pepper. My whole team at work tried it a few years ago. We all lasted about 3 days. Miserable stuff.
So 3 days of just veggies and fruits, I really shouldn’t complain. But you know its one of greater qualities. I can find a way to complain about anything. LOL. I just don’t ever really feel that full on veggies and fruits. So we’ll see how it goes. Of course I’m gonna do it, even if it kills me. I just really really have to do it. I really want to see a 33x number next week. How cool would that be! Correction, how cool WILL that be?
So I already had breakfast of fruit. You have to eat as much veggies as you do fruit, so my next snack will be veggies. And of course you can’t have ranch or anything yummy like that lol. I can have a red potato for lunch. Of course not any butter or anything, but still it will be rather filling.
……….Well nows its 5:30. And if you don’t already know, you will soon find that I am the biggest whiner in the universe. POOR ADAM. That is all I can say. He has gotten more than an earful.
Can I just say that veggies and fruits are not very filling! I miss the egg whites and the chicken I used to eat SO bad its not even funny. I really don’t know how I’m going to do 2 more days of this. Craziness. It has just really sucked big time. Ugh, I have to stop blogging about it. I can’t think about it.

Monday:
As much as I wanted to punch Heather (hee hee not really) for coming up with this horrible diet, I lost 4 ½ pounds since yesterday. Sunday I discovered from cheat Saturday I’d gained back 1 ½ pounds (totally to be expected). So yeah I’m 340 right now. That insane. I was hoping to be 337 by Saturday. I think that is definitely going to happen easy. Right now I’m shooting for 335. I could totally do better, but after 3 days you gradually add stuff, so its not going to be losing 4 pounds a day.
Its so funny last night I was complaining and telling Adam I didn’t think I could do day 2 and 3 and might skip to day 4 where you get to add 2 carbs. But then I weighed myself and I decided hell no am I going to skip those days. I can do this!!!!
The diet still concerns me a little. Its so low calorie-I mean you can only eat so many fruits & veggies. But to be honest, underneath all this fat I have a ton of muscle too. So I actually need to lose some muscle too in the grand scheme of things. So its ok really if I lose some of that. I think this “cleanse” is more so you have totally pure foods going into your system and helping cleaning you out and bursting up your metabolism. Well whatever it does, me likey J
Today honestly is a little easier than yesterday. Perhaps yesterday was so incredibly hard because I’d had such a high caloric day the previous day. I just seriously never felt even close to sated. Fruits & veggies are wonderful, but they don’t fill me up in and of themselves. I just really missed like crazy those carbs and protein that really stay with you. It was miserable yesterday. My stomach all day long had that icky feeling in it too which was really hard at the gym I have to say. I kept eating as many as I could stomach as I don’t want to starve myself.
Today is easier for some reason. Maybe I’m more used to it or whatever. Perhaps my tummy has shrunk a little. I don’t know. But I’m GRATEFUL. And when coworkers start bringing back their yummy fast food, I will have to just think. 4 ½ POUNDS SO FAR!!!! DON’T GIVE UP.
The cool thing about this diet is every few days it increases slightly. Eventually on day 10 you are on a very reasonable diet that you can follow thereafter. She mentioned that some people will do that for a week and then start over. Call me crazy but I just may do that.
I’m finding I’m stronger than I think. Mind over matter. Or mind over tummy to be more specific.

Thrilling Dinosaur Adventure!!!!

So yesterday we went to the Dinosaur Museum @ Thanksgiving Point. It was a very SERIOUS trip.....

It was very full of fun, danger, and excitement. There were crazy turns at every corner. It was very ROCKY....

We literally became paleontologists for the day.......

All around there were dinosaurs of every kind. We saw many SMALL dinosaurs...

They were EVERYWHERE......

There were times where we felt complete TERROR...

Although we had some close run-ins and hand to run for our lives, overall it was a wonderful trip!

EXERCISE Last Week

WEEKLY EXERCISE:
SUNDAY:
CARDIO: Dance video-45 minutes
WEIGHTS: Turbo Jam video-25 minutes

MONDAY:
CARDIO: Power Walk video-30 minutes; 30 minutes jog in place
WEIGHTS:

TUESDAY:
CARDIO:
WEIGHTS: Biggest Loser Boot Camp Video-1 hour

WEDNESDAY:
CARDIO: Jillian’s cardio boxing video-20 minutes; Denise’s cardio dance party video-40 minutes; 30 minutes Precor machine; 30 minutes treadmill (23 jogging)
WEIGHTS:

THURSDAY:
CARDIO: 25 minutes Jillian’s cardio boxing video; 1 ½ hours cleaning
WEIGHTS:

FRIDAY:
CARDIO: 30 minutes Dance Cardio workout (AM)
WEIGHTS:

SATURDAY:
CARDIO: 20 minutes elliptical; 20 minutes treadmill (jog 14 minutes)
WEIGHTS: shoulders & legs: fast jog, jump rope, lunges, squats, leg lifts, 3 shoulder machines

Saturday-WEIGH IN DAY!!!!

So I woke up today and was both nervous AND excited to weigh in. I was half-way preparing myself for the same weight or maybe like 2 pounds and decided I would be happy with whatever because I know eventually I’ll see results. I was SO excited to see that I lost 6 ½ pounds!! Wahoo!!!!! I was seriously elated and wouldn’t shut up about it all day long.
We had a LOT of fun today. We went and had our cheat for breakfast this time. It was so so so yummy. Then we saw the movie Monsters Vs. Aliens with my family. After that we went to the Dinosaur Musuem and went out to dinner. It was a blast. Its been a nice day.
Tomorrow I begin the “cleanse” of sorts. Gonna be tough but I know I can do it and that it will be worth it.

Friday

My last day before I weigh in. I’m trying not to get too excited about weighing in considering how last week went lol. But I’m still determined to do good and just stick to it no matter what. I know in the long run I will have good results.
In the last few days I’ve noticed that blogging about it has really helped me just focus on it more. One of my friends was saying I should put a weekly pic. I’ve even though about doing a video diary so who knows what I’ll end up doing.
I’m also really excited for the next week. My amazing boyfriend Adam sacrificed his entire visit with the trainer and she came up with a diet for me to try. It is a 10 days sort of a cleanse. But its not like the harsh ones where you just drink juice or something. You can do it for 10 days and then there is a regular diet to follow thereafter, but she says also you can restart the 10 day over if you want so I’m going to start that on Sunday. You have to be super good and super strict, but I think my body really needs that shock etc, so I’m excited to try it. I’m really thankful for her help. Such support I have!

THURSDAY

Well here we are again! Just taking it one day at a time. I seem to have the hardest time in the morning. Seriously something in me just wants to eat McDonalds for breakfast every day. The most evil side actually wants to go to Burger King and have a sausage croissant combo with a mocha joe and an order of cinni minis. I think that’s almost 1000 calories right there. Gross. Lots of fat and sodium to boot. But damn its yummy! So in the mornings, every part of me just wants that. Isn’t that weird? What is the reason for that? Is it because I’m tired and you think that food makes it better? Does your body just crave fat? I just don’t know what it is. But thankfully Adam actually makes most of my breakfast as I do our dinner. What a sweet man! So my eggs are already ready and I find that once I sit down and eat all my breakfast, I am satisfied and no longer hungry, so its just getting through it. I have a really decent breakfast, so often I have to remind myself when its snack time. Experts really do recommend the 5-6 small meals to keep your metabolism up to par, and I think that has proven to be the best method for me. Its not until the afternoon when I really start to snack. I eat lunch as late as possible so that I can work through the cravings. If I have a piece of candy at work, I don’t sweat it. If I get one every time I go by the front desk, then there is a problem.
Some days lunch is hard. Like today, coworkers came back with their yummy smelling greasy & salty foods as usual. I seriously have to stop myself from grabbing my keys and picking something up. I remind myself that I have a lunch already that I just need to heat up and that it is healthy and what my body needs. Its low calorie and will help me make my dreams come true. Specifically, it will help me get in that wedding dress one day and help me get to a healthy weight where I could pop out a kid or two that I keep dreaming about. (Just a couple nights ago, we had an adorable little girl with blue eyes and curly blonde hair).
I’ve been super sore today from yesterday’s massive workout. My knees, back, and heels remind me how this is tough on a broad at this weight. But I just smile and work through the pain, because it will get easier.
Tonight is my cleaning night, so typically I count that as my workout. But since I’m doing the double my previous workouts, I’m going to do an hour of cardio first and then do my 2 hour cleaning. I know that I will need to do the workout first. If I say I will do it after I clean, I know I will be tired and want to not do it. Planning ahead! It really helps.
Every step I take just helps me get that much closer to my goal. Don’t worry about the past, don’t worry about how big the goal seems, just work on right now, today and exercise and eat right and everything will be fine.
Later same night:
Well I did do my workout first-Jillian’s killer workout video and then cleaned for an hour and a half. Wahoo yeah me.

What a day-Wednesday :)

So I think it will really help me to just blog constantly about this whole journey. Its really about every small decision you make. So I think this will really help me focus and figure it all out. Last week I hit a low point and nearly gave up when I gained 3 pounds when I seriously ate clean and worked my ass off at the gym. I felt like giving up. I really let it get to me and just cried and felt sorry for myself. I finally realized that I really do want this, and for me I think I need to workout even more and I will see success.

Oh wow! So tonight I really brought it. Backing up, I felt like foodwise I was a bit too snacky earlier today, but I did all right. Its like 80% what you eat, so I really need to remember that and perfect my choices. So there is always room for improvement.
But working out wowsers! So I’ve been saying all week that I need to do double workout. I keep saying it but didn’t do it yet. Yes I worked out Sunday-Tuesday, but just the normal workout.

For me I think I just really need to kick it up a notch. So when I get home from work I did an hour of cardio. This was an intense hour. I have some new videos, but I looked at some that were burned for me a while back from some former coworkers at Ingenix. So I had one of Jillian’s videos. It wasn’t very long, but holy intense. I mean you are jumping rope, doing jumping jacks and all in double time with no rests. Even Jillian is sweating like crazy from her own workout. It was seriously intense. And its interesting my attitude about it. I have always had that competitive part of my personality that I’m constantly having to fight. Many times I’ve gotten all mad that they can do more than me, so I have to really stop myself from killing myself and remember that they are half or 1/3 my weight so its impossible to do exactly the same at some points. And yet there is that other side that you have to fight of being lazy. Like Heather (Adam’s trainer) says, I’m the fittest fat person she has ever met. So I really do have to push myself hard. Its all about finding the right balance for yourself where you are pushing hard but not killing yourself and causing injury. But watching the biggest loser, I’ve learned you can push yourself harder than you think.

Jillian’s kickboxing video is so killer. It would work out really fit people . I fought my damnest to keep up. There is so much jumping going on. Its hard for fat people to jump (not to mention frightening to watch lol). But I made myself do the jump rope etc. The only thing I really had an issue with was the jumping jacks. The first round I just jogged in place. But then I made myself do them the next few sets. I could only do 10 o the 30 and not double time like the rest of them, but I was damn proud of myself. Sweat was just flowing off of me like a river, so that is when I know I’m pushing it and giving 110%. So after that I did 40 minutes of a dance cardio workout. There was a lot of jumping etc in that too. I was dying because yesterday the biggest Loser Bootcamp one had you do tons of squats and lunges, as did both workouts today. I remember doing this dance one before, but I really kicked it up and tried to keep up with them and jump just like they do so it was intense and a great workout.

Then after Adam got home it was off to the gym for more cardio. I did 30 on the Precor machine and then 30 on the elliptical. The whole time I just kept thinking push, push push and imagine if I was on the biggest loser how hard they would push you. You just have to be your own little trainer. Its easy to lose focus and just kind of daydream. If you aren’t really focusing, you just aren’t really doing that much. On the precor there was a few moments I had to slow it down when I had this killer sideache but I just worked through it.

On the treadmill I was determined to do what I haven’t done for years. I wanted to jog the entire 30. Rah, damn sideaches. I had to stop for 7. But 23 minutes is the best I’ve done in a long time. So yeah the goal was to reach 3000 calories to burn today, and so far the bodybugg says 4161 with a couple hours still left. Wahoo!!!!

So I just need to keep this intensity, this motivation. It takes your focus all day long. I'm really proud of myself today.

Onward with the Weightloss Battle

So the battle continues. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There are times you get hit and it takes a bit to recover. But the last thing you should do is quit and give up. And the most important thing you can do each time you fall, is review what happened so that you can try to prevent it again. If you don’t, you will most likely make the same mistake over and over again.
So I’m starting to really analyze myself and my behavior. Last week was just kind of fluky, and there is nothing you can do about monthly women’s troubles. But I can prevent other mishaps that have caused me to fall hard. One is that ever ominous and present desire to cheat. Is it a feeling of rebellion? Does it excite me knowing I’m doing something I shouldn’t? I don’t really think that is it. Could part of it be fear? Afraid of who I would be as a healthy person? A fear of losing the old excuse for everything and what you let define you as a person? Could very well be.
So I’m having to realize that this weight, the way I look does NOT define who I am as a person. I will still be myself no matter what happens. I have nothing to fear, and just so much to look forward to. I can’t be afraid of it. So that is the EMOTIONAL side of it. So quit sabotaging myself and focus on the wonderful things to look forward to.
So as far as the BEHAVIORAL side of things, there is also some preventative action to take. There is one thing I really must change. Its this learned behavior that I have taught myself, which is kind of a form of protection. Its like an avoidance of reality and pain. Whenever I’m sad, depressed, made etc, I eat. Basically, anytime things go amiss, the thought automatically appears in my brain that something fattening will magically make it all better. It just simply isn’t true. It’s a lie I’ve told myself for years. And you know, it feels partially true for like 3 seconds as you taste that glorious food, but then the reward is gone. And in its place is complete misery and you feel worse than you did before.
I’m sick of covering up the blemish and only making it worse. Its time to actually heal the problem at its source. Time to change that “automatic” reflex. If I have a bad day, something on my mind, well just deal with it. Talk it out with Adam or someone. Write about it, deal with it. Go for a walk. Do something healthy instead of making it all worse.

American Idol baby!

MY AMERICAN IDOL TRI-FECTA (TOP 3):

#1:MEGAN JOY
Okay I seriously love her! And kudos to her for being able to do this practically at death’s door. Ok that may be exaggerating, but the girl was hospitalized. She did amazing. I just love her voice, its different. She sounds very much like a modern artist whom I can’t recall her name. But she also reminds me of the Mamas and the Papas. She is my favorite, and not at all because she is from Utah. She just rocks. And that weird little wiggle she does is just cute. She doesn’t have the best vocals to be honest, but I think she is a favorite for that odd way she sings and her quirky personality. I think at least top 5, but I hope for top 3.
#2: ALEXIS GRACE
Oh man Alexis!!! She is (WAS-spoiler alert) my 2nd favorite. Seriously she blew me away a few weeks back and I totally agreed with the judges how great she way. Ok, her song choice wasn’t the best. But honestly, I’m kind of mad at the judges. They told her that they wanted to see her soft side, so she tries to do something different and then they tell her that she has lost her edge. Huh!!!! So seriously, I cried when she was voted off. Can’t believe they didn’t save her. One bad choice and you are through. Such a bummer.

#3: ALLISON IRAHETA

Okay now I know she is kind of strange looking, and can be a little over the top, but I seriously love this girl. A-Mazing vocals! She is incredibly mature for one so young. I didn’t think it was her best performance though, and sorry to say but Simon was a little right when he said she is bordering on precocious. But seriously she will go far. I think top 3 because she has that rocker edge.

HONORABLE MENTION:

SCOTT MACINTYRE:

Scottie! Ok I love this guy. I don’t know why. Is it just because he is blind? It could be, because every time he sings I just cry. He is just so sweet and I want him to do well. Definitely not the best singer of the bunch. I think he can really sing with all his heart, but has kind of been doing worse and worse. Also, he needs to pick better songs. But I adore him for some reason.

MOST IMPROVED:

ANOOP DESAI:

Okay WOW. Before tonight I thought he sucked big time. Could not understand why he was picked. Was such a dork before and couldn’t hear any great voice AT ALL. But seriously, the judges know a lot better than me. Because he blew me out of the water. He did INCREDIBLE. Wow, talk about being the underdog.

THE WORST:
ADAM LAMBERT:

Ok, I’m sorry. I know he has a million fans! I feel a little bad about nominating him, but that’s just how I see it. And its funny because Adam was my FAVORITE (besides Megan) in the auditions and I have loved him before this performance. Sure he was over the top a little, drama boy. But I loved it. I love his style how he dares to be different and do what he wants.
I don’t know why I don’t feel like that any longer. But seriously, what the hell was that? He sang this really uber freaky version of the Reign of Fire song. Ok, now I’m not the biggest fan of that song anyway, but I have no clue what he was singing. That version seriously was so bizarre. Now normally bizarre is good. But the way he sang it slow, it was kind of like going to Satan’s concert or something. The trill on his high notes was just disgusting. Ick. I can’t even describe it. Hoping for better from him this week.

WEAKLY Results

So I woke up Saturday with much anticipation. True to my word, I didn’t weigh in all week long. And I looked at how I did the first couple of weeks and stuck to that amount as far as caloric intake is concerned. I was so looking forward to a high weight loss. I was really expected 340 because I had done amazingly well! I had said no to so many things-all the goodies at Bonco night and everyone going to yummy places for lunch at work. I had resisted the daily urge to go out for breakfast. Now my “womanly troubles” had started, so I thought that perhaps 6 pounds was a lot to ask. I was thinking realistically that 3 would be great. I stepped on that scale, practically screaming inside “SHOW ME THE WEIGHT LOSS!” So you can imagine my total shock when I saw the # go up 3 ½ pounds. So I was 349 ½. I just stared at in total disbelief. And then the anger and just utter despair hit me. I seriously didn’t stop crying for about 2 hours. It was awful. Poor Adam. He was at the gym most of the time. He figured I was being a slacker, so after his trainer session he came back to grab me for cardio. He had no idea what he was coming home to. I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t hear the pep talk from him I just couldn’t so I told him I couldn’t talk yet. Luckily he knew I wasn’t mad at him. He did some cleaning and then went back to the gym, came back and checked on me. Finally I cried to him for nearly an hour. I told him how I just couldn’t take working so hard and not only to not lose, but to gain was just way too devastating. I didn’t want to see it again. I just couldn’t take it. I wanted to give up. What is the point? You work so hard and yet you don’t see the fruits of your labor? It just doesn’t make sense. I told him how hard it was especially because I’m working so hard on getting to a good weight for the wedding and I’m so focused and determined so I’m frustrated. That damn 350 thing is still haunting me.

He helped me figure it out. I guess you can gain up to 5 pounds on your period. We figured out that for me, I may need to work out a lot more too. I need to add some workouts in the morning. I just may have a uber slow metabolism. It may not seem fair, but we all have our obstacles. Some people have kids so they have to balance that out. We all just have things that we need to deal with. Obstacles are just a part of life. So I can either cry about it and never reach my goal, or I can step it up a few notches and figure it out. So I’m going to keep the calories the same and add the extra workouts and see if my next week’s weigh in is better. I can make some adjustments to the caloric intake if needed then.

So this morning I worked out for 30 minutes and Adam isn’t working out tonight, but I will do another video workout tonight after we have dinner at his family’s. I will not let this get the better of me, even though on Saturday for about 2-3 hours, I just about did.

The Icing on the Cake

I have to take a moment to self-reflect here and essentially pat myself on the back a little. Yes, its taken a long long time, and I’ve gone back and forth more than Anne Heche (on the SCALE in my case anyways) But I’m truly happy about it. I can smell the 300 pound mark only a month or two from now. I honestly can’t remember when I was under 300, but I can tell you it was many years ago.

So recently I took a picture after I recently got my hair done. It had been a while since I updated my pics on MySpace & Facebook and all that. So I thought the best time is right after my hairdresser did it. They always seem to do It better than I can. So anyway I updated my pictures and that was that. I honestly had no idea the comments that would be made.
In MySpace, I used to talk on the forums, months ago. Lately every once in a while I will get on and chat. A lot of the same people I used to chat with are on there. A couple people started commenting on how great I looked, and I thought it was just the new hairdo. But then suddenly people are making tons of comments in the forum and a few sent me personal messages saying over and over how much weight I have lost and how they can totally tell. I was floored.
Some of the comments:

"You look awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...................... Seriously, how much have you lost now!!!"

"YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!"

"Hope you and your SO are doing great. You look wonderful!"

"Wow, you look like you've knocked off another 40 pounds since your last pic. At least. Good work!"

"You do look great... love your hair too."

"BTW, Holly you look great. I can see a remarkable difference from your earlier photos to now in terms of weight loss. The cute cut suits you well too."

"Wow did you shave off 200 pounds or something……"

I mean wow! I can’t believe people could tell so much and that they are talking about ME of all people. But I keep forgetting, although lately I’ve only lost so much, at my heaviest I was 414 and I have some pics at that weight on MySpace. So I’ve really done great! I just need to keep it up. I know I can do it.

Yes the 350 mark has kinda kicked my ass. I seem to get stuck there a lot. I have gone from 350-380 like 85 times in the last 4 years. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t change that. Yeah it would be great if I had just kept at it and then I’d be at my ideal now. But I didn’t. All I can really do now is LEARN from it. Just make sure that I keep at it. When I fall, I just need to get right back up and keep plugging away. I am a lucky girl. I have the time, I have the know-how, the support, I have all the resources, and we all know I have the gumption! So yee haw baby, the sky is the limit!

Oh wow those comments thought! The important thing is that I’m changing my life. I’m actually DOING it for once, and not just talking about it. That is the important thing. I will feel so much better on my wedding day AND I will be in a much better position to have babies!
I may be focusing on it a tad bit too much, but I have to admit it’s totally awesome people noticing. I can’t lie about that. I know its just one of the fringe benefits, but it feels incredible. It makes my smile really really big! It truly is the icing on the cake.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good.

I really am determined to lose at least 4 pounds, hopefully 6 by Saturday. I’m working hard.

Diet Coke Blues

Monday, March 16, 2009
Meh. Whose brilliant plan was this to have no Diet soda? Oh yeah M-I-N-E. It’s funny, Adam’s mom lost all her weight and drank Diet Coke like it was water. For some reason it just affects me more. I really get all uber bloaty and it just makes it increasingly difficult to lose weight. But damn, I love that stuff. Its like Mother’s milk to her. Hee hee, that is a movie quote but probably most people wouldn’t get it. (The actual quote is “Gin was like mother’s milk…”. Google it!

So yeah anyway, have you ever noticed as soon as you restrict something, its ALL you want, all you can think about??? Arggh. Trust me this morning I’m hearing that gorgeous sound over and over of when someone opens up a can of pop. Ahhh, only a true addict can really relish the sound of that. I liken it to the beautiful sound candy makes being poured into a glass dish. Rain falling on the pavement, or money falling to the ground. OMG I’m pathetic! Let’s just hope on the training videos at work I’m making that I’m not putting pictures of Diet Coke or slogans into it. See, this is why I can’t give my little sister too much guff for smoking. I have way more addiction problems than she could ever dream of, so I’m certainly not one to judge.
Oh sheesh, now someone is making popcorn and I can smell that glorious buttery smell. Mmmmmm, all I need to be happy is Diet Coke, butter, and chocolate brownies with frosting, but not all necessarily together.

But truthfully I’m not hungry. This morning I had my one egg, one egg white, oatmeal, and a banana. Then for a snack I had an apple, cottage cheese, and some soy nuts. It will certainly tide me over until lunch. So quit complaining!

…..So its nearly lunch time. I’ve had 2 cups of coffee and 2 containers of 24 ounces of water. And it just seems to go right through me. Yep, been to the bathroom roughly 6 times today. Sheesh But it must be done people. I need to get to that 200 pounds by next April.
Yup, we moved the date up to April. If I lose 4 pounds a week until then I could be to about 200. If I work hard and don’t cheat I know I can do it!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good

Bowling Nazi

So Sunday night we went bowling with Adam’s family @ the All Star Lanes in Sandy. Everything was going great until this family got the lanes next to us. Now I’m as big of a fan as the next person when it comes to taking pictures. But I’m pretty sure these guys must’ve been visiting from another planet where bowling doesn’t exist. It’s the only way I can explain why it’s really necessary to take about 10 pictures each and EVERY time someone in their party would bowl. Yeah seriously, I’m barely exaggerating here.
At first it was kind of cute to watch. They were teaching their little ones to bowl. Who doesn’t love kids. I love kids, they’re delicious. (Totally kidding-that one is for you Ian who doesn’t even read my blog lol).
Well and you know the whole bowling etiquette where you need to wait for the person next to you, and then you go. It’s just kind of a courtesy thing that we all like to practice. Well it kept getting increasingly more difficult and annoying. It would take like 3 minutes for the dad to teach the ol’ bowling skills, while all the kids are up there no matter whose turn it was to bowl. So there is at least a kid or two in our lane. I guess their kids getting hit by a bowling ball wasn’t a fear they had.
When things like this happen you have to think that the parents are just so in the moment they are probably not even noticing how their kids are disturbing you. Its hard to keep track of everything. But it just kinda went too far when the mom would come into our lane to take a few pictures. Sheesh people, there are other people who exist in this world besides yourself. How does one get to be so flippin’ annoying and obnoxious. I mean seriously, are they conscious of it, do they value their own importance over yours or are they just completely oblivious. Who knows?
So finally, I’m about at the end of my rope, when Valerie (future mother-in-law) tells them that they really can’t be in our lane where we are trying to bowl. Oh it was seriously awesome. I was expecting them to apologize profusely and be embarrassed, which is what I would have done. I would have been highly mortified.
But not these guys-no siree. They were indeed shocked at her gall to call them on their crap. They just kept glaring at us and Valerie like we were the spawn of Satan or something. Oh it was highly enjoyable. I couldn’t stop smiling to myself. The husband kept commenting that there was going to be a cat fight.
Bring it on bitches. Ha ha. But seriously, try to be considerate of others and realize that they do exist and that you and your existence isn’t the only one that matters. Just TRY. And don’t be afraid to call people out on things. Its not mean. Its just standing up for yourself.

PICTURES:

Above on left is my fat picture-when I was at my heaviest 414. To the right is me on Saturday at 346. :)

WORKOUT:

Cardio-20 minutes Precor machine, 10 minutes Elliptical, 20 minutes Stairclimber

Leg Workout-2 leg lift types, calf raises, jump ups, step ups, inner thigh

DAILY PROGRESS:

CALORIC INTAKE: 1930

CALORIES BURNED: 3959

DEFECIT: 1830

WEIGHT ON SATURDAY: 346

SUMMARY:

Well I'm actually pretty pleased with today. I am 346, or at least I was on Saturday, Dissapointing, but I had gone up to 349 the other day, so I'm doing good.

I have a very firm goal this week to be 340 by Saturday. I can't weigh myself until then. No cheating and actually no Diet coke. Arrghh its gonna be a tough week.

I think I just let it get to me. Its silly but somehow work can seem such a big temptation. Its so hard to smell everyone's fries every day and see their yummy cheese melting on their supreme nachos. And walking past the front desk and all the chocolate in the world available at your fingertips. Arghh its annoying. But it wasn't just work, just in the morning I was sleeping in and a couple of times I was doing the McDonald's thing. Oh my am I weak!!!!

This week we've been talking about cruises and the wedding and everything and boy its all coming up really soon.

So no more excuses. I don't have time for excuses. I can't miss the gym, and I need to stick to the food plan. Hello, its really not that hard. Its not like I'm working out for hours and hours killing myself like they do on the Biggest Loser. And I get to have a lot of calories at this weight. And on Saturdays I get to have a big cheat meal, so seriously why do I complain????

Yeah, I could have normal people food and eat some bad stuff every once in a while, if I'd had control in the past. But the point is, that I didn't. There were times I was eating out 2 or 3 times a day. Ok not that bad always, but there just was little control. I was eating way too many calories and not exercising with consistancy.

And honestly, right now no one is making me eat this way. I could go back to my old ways and weigh 400 pounds again. But I don't want to do that. I really don't. I want to be at a normal weight. I want to fit in a seat at the plane and not have an extension on the seat belt. I want to be able to by clothing at any clothing store. I want to be able to ride on a roller coaster. I want to be able to have children and run and play with them.

Therefore, I must put in the hard work and the sacrifice.

HARD WORK + EATING RIGHT = MY DREAMS COMING TRUE

Big Love = Biiiiig Controversy

Have you heard how Big Love is airing an episode showing LDS temple ceremonies?

Even though I personally no longer practice this religion, I’m very bothered by this! An ex-mormon is overseeing all of it to ensure the authenticity of the sacred LDS temple ceremonies. ICK. Is nothing sacred anymore??? Shame on him. Are we not capable of showing each other some R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Ok I get he is ex-mormon for some reason. Totally his decision-whatever. He probably doesn’t believe in that anymore-who cares? Its his prerogative to believe as he wants, but we have to realize that our actions can impact others.

It stands to reason that due to his knowledge, he obviously was endowed at some time, as that is pretty much the only way to become privy to such things. He knows these ceremonies are very sacred to people. Although they no longer perhaps have meaning for him, he knows that there are many who still believe in it. As such, I find his behavior unacceptable. And yet he has no problem whatsoever doing it to make a buck. No doubt it will be a highly viewed episode.

I would like to think that most of us are respectful and would never knowingly/willingly trample or expose something sacred to another, so I find this extremely disturbing. I’m terribly vexed about it. Indeed I should focus on my own faults, and there are many people. But I’m just a big enough brat, that if I knew this guy I would not hesitate to give him a piece of my mind and the wrath of my sharp tongue.

Dare to Dream: Surfer Girl

SURFS UP!!!!!
I decided to start something new.....Dreams! What do you dream about? Well I have LOTS of dreams. Especially about when I'm healthy. I need to focus more on the positive and focus on the reasons I'm doing these, even ones that may seem silly. So to get me motivated, I'm constantly going to just blog about something that I look forward to.

WHY SURFING?:
Why surfing? Well why the hell not!!! Maybe the beach boys are to blame. I grew up listening to those songs.

But honestly, I love love love sports of any kind. Never gotten big into many of the water sports, but I would sure love the opportunity.
The bitch of it, is that when you are this big, there are many things you simply cannot do physically. And I HATE not being able to do things.
In Utah they now have one of those water machines where you can practice surfing. Its just something that I really want to try out. It just looks like so much fun.
So to be able to be comfortable and physically capable of doing it is EVERYTHING.
I guess this is my way of starting a FAT Bucket List. So consider surfing on the list.

Manic Monday

Just another Manic Monday.......who uh oh.........Come on you know you were just singing it too! Wahoo I love the 80's!
WORKOUT:
OOOPS!!!!
SUMMARY:
Calories BURNED: 3065 (Target -3000) WaHoO!!! even with NO workout. (Had to do some cleaning etc to get that calorie burned up)
Calories CONSUMED: 1919 (Target - 2000) Keep it up!
Calories DEFICIT: 1146 (Target - 1000) I did it and that is what matters!!! Whos needs the gym? Ha ha, just kidding.....mostly
WeIgHt: 349 (::sighs:: Its okay. Whats done is done. Moving on. )

MY THOUGHTS:
I still need to kick it up a notch, I seem to be going through the motions. But at least I'm keeping track of everything and I'm meeting my goals. So my feeling is that I definitely will see a loss this week.

Sunday Fun Day

Ick. I HaTe springing forward! I mean, whose idea was this???? Let’s get this person and string them up by their toenails and then whip them with wet noodles. I much prefer when the time changes and you GAIN an hour.

Hmmmph. What a WhInEr I am today! Feeling so w-e-i-r-d-i-s-h. Head is kind of pounding and tummy is feeling strange again.

WORKOUT:

24 minutes treadmill: (1.0 for a measly 2 minutes, jogging 4 measly minutes. Speed 3.2
16 minutes elliptical: Random, level 4
Leg lifts: 3 x 10 reps
Lunges: 1 set of 24ish
Calf Raises: 6 sets of 10 reps
Inner Thigh: 3 sets x 10 reps
Outer Thigh: 3 sets x 10 reps

SUMMARY:

Calories BURNED: 3132 (Target -3000) WaHoO!!!

Calories CONSUMED: 1889 (Target - 2000) KILLER!!!

Calories DEFICIT: 1243 (Target - 1000) Totally TUBULAR!

all in all, I did GREAT today. Need to do this good EVERY today.

2 Totally Awesome Pet Peeves

To be truthful, I have MANY pet peeves, more so than I could even hope to blog about, but there are 2 recent ones I wanted to comment about.

#1: People talking on their cell phones in the bathroom!!!!

Ok seriously people, what are you doing?!!!! Cell phones are great, and I admit with my sisters after talking for 2 hours I've done it, but in the PRIVACY of my own home.

Seriously, I'm pretty sure this is not exactly what Alexander Graham Bell had in mind all those years ago. He did not invent the telephone so you could continue your social life in the facilities.

I know you are all luvy duvy tight, but do you honestly think your hubby or home boy really wants to hear you tinkle tinkle? Ick, if he does please keep that to yourself and take it somewhere private.

Aren't you embarassed to do this? You really should be. If you have no shame, can you please have respect for your fellow pottiers like me at least? I don't want my business going across the horn to your homies ok!!!

If you don't care about being polite, can you at least think of the germs!!! They say cell phones have more germs that anything. You want to know why??? Its because of people like YOU.

And if you don't stop, I make this solemn promise to you offenders! The next time, I swear that is exactly the time I will start flushing the toilet. And I may just flush all of them just to spite you.

#2 Tatiana Del Toro.
Ok if you watch American Idol at all, you HAVE to know who this is. She has the most annoying laugh in the universe, and is seriously one of the only people who has been completely desserving of Simon's rude rants.

I don't know about you, but bursted out in hysterics when the judges picked her to come back for a second chance for last night's performance. I honestly feel this is a case where they just want good tv.

However, last night I only heard one of the infamous annoying laughs, but Tatiana never dissapoints. Suddenly out of nowhere she is suddenly speaking with a Puerto Rican accent that prior to this she had NEVER displayed. This was completely hysterical! So thank you Tatiana for making my evening and thank the ol' American Idol God however that I no longer need to be tortured by the only song you know how to sing and your bizarre, attention-seeking antics.

Jason-The Bachelor: Prince or Prick?

So this past season of the Bachelor was filled with quite a bit of contraversy. Do you love or hate the bachelor Jason?

Before I get into my take on Jason, first I want to talk about the show. It was my first time watching the entire season. And I have to say that it was incredibly fascinating and slightly disturbing.

Isn't it kind of weird that there is a show about a guy and the 25 women going after him? I mean if you want that, why not just go to a singles ward in the LDS church? Hee hee j/k. but seriously, its kind of revolting that the women are basically fighting over the guy. So he is going to date all of them, get rid of ones he doesn't want. And when it gets down to the one he wants, he is actually going to propose on National TV. Wowser!!!! So why do we watch? Because the fact that its so unbelievable that people would try to fall in love on tv and have no problem with the world watching is fascinating!

I mean here you see the guy go from date to date, making out and kissing with all the different women, him stating how much he is falling in love with all of them. How much more entertaining can you get?

I was completely drawn in. Now this guy actually had his heart broken when he was on the Bachelorette. So he was a bigtime favorite when they chose him for the Bachelor. He had a son for crying out loud, an adorable son. He is sweet and full of life. Every girls dream guy. He just wanted to find someone to share his life with and fall in love with and join his little world with his son. Its not that he is terribly hot, because honestly he is no Tom Cruise. But the more you watch, the more you can see how these women fell for his personality and how he seems cuter every episode.

I was excited for him. Some of the girls seemed really great. And of course there were enough pathetic weirdos to make us all laugh. And of course with women you always have drama so I enjoyed every moment.

So you really get into it. You wonder who he will choose, you try to guess. You have your favorites etc.

So anyway this past week was the finale. It finally came down to 2 women.

MOLLY:

MELISSA:

Jason explained how he was in love with BOTH women. He seemed to have a great connection with each of them. He made it out like he loved both of them and could see a life with either of them, so he seemed really torn as they both met his family.

But honestly I think all of America expected him to pick Molly from the get go. Now I loved Melissa. Molly seemed to be a little too pushy in some things. But he seemed to have a strongly, more real connection. In fact, Molly seemed to be more sincere and in love with him than Melissa. There was no doubt in my mind when it came down to the end who he would pick.

In fact the women themselves seemed to know. Molly was all smiles, even though she claimed to be nervous, she was planning on ending up with Jason. There simply was no other alternative in her mind.

Melissa on the other hand looked really nervous. It was as though she knew she was going home. So nothing could have prepared me for this:

Jason actually rejected Molly! I was completely shocked. Molly herself was perplexed. She told Jason how he was making a mistake. He actually said to her he couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her but that he had to because he was in love with someone else. It seemed to me, a particularly cruel way to tell her his choice, because it started off like he was going to pick her. she just kept saying she was making a mistake and he let her go and he just cried and cried. I kept thinking, um you know you just made a mistake. You could see it in his face. But then he goes on to propose to Melissa.

It took me a bit to digest this, but they seemed so happy, I guess he really loved her right? Who knows, maybe these things can work out. Maybe you really can find love on tv. And you just hope they live happily ever after.

But then guess what happens people? Not only did they break up, but they broke up on live television. Jason decided after spending time with Melissa over the holidays that the chemistry was no longer there. He said he had feelings for Molly that he could not forget.

So instead of talking to her, they actually extend the season, which I'm sure thrills the network, but he tells her this on tv. Can you imagine this poor girl? So then they bring Molly on the show and Jason tells her that he broke up with Melissa and wants a chance with her. After much shock, she agrees to do it. Then they show part 2 of this which is 6 weeks later where Jason tries to defend his actions and they say how happy they've been etc and he says how proud of his actions he is.

Ok, I get that things don't work out sometimes. Sometimes you make the wrong choice. but here is my question:

Why the hell did he have break the poor girl's heart on tv? The executive producer said a lot in Jason's defense, but he admitted that Jason was NOT contractually obligated to do the break-up on life televison. So why did he do it?

I'm nearly positive I know the answer: MONEY.

I'm sure he got paid thousands if he would do it on tv. If he was such the great guy that he seemed, he would have been honest and upfront like he was, but he would NOT have done it on tv.

So Mr. Jason Mesnick, you may have seemed like a prince, but I find you are a total and complete prick of the worst kind. If Jason was an ice cream flavor, he would be pralines and dick.

Granny's Got a Gun!!!!!

…………or at least at times it has kinda felt like that. Now you need to know, I love and adore my Grandmother more than anything. I am very close to her and she means the world to me.
However, she is a woman who speaks her mind. Sometimes its kind of like she has no filter. Now, I can be brazen myself, and have told her many things, but never have told her this. Sadly she has offended us at times. But I don’t often get offended, especially because I know she just loves us and wants the best for us. I don’t think it occurs to her that this brutal honestly can be……well brutal!
Examples? Well I observed this at a young age. For years I never understand why when Grandma was coming over we had to clean for days. And to be honest, our house was way clean. Sometimes if you took too long in the bathroom, my mother had already put your homework away. So anyway, one time she came and my job had been the living room. I had to vacuum under the cushions even and all around and under the couches. When my grandmother came and sat down, she dusted off the cushion, as if there was anything there! I suddenly realized why we took such measures. My poor mother. Oh she and grandma were close and all that. But, here she would clean for hours and hours, and my grandmother would lecture her on how the rose bushes needed trimming. Hopefully my mother understood, and at least she probably does now that my grandmother was just trying to help, she didn’t realize she comes off as overly critical.
So anyway, sometimes I feel like its my job to say things to my grandmother that my mother never had a chance to say when she was alive. I swear she tries to speak through me, as weird as that sounds. One thing my grandmother always told me was about my weight. Things like “Oh Holly, if you could only lose weight, we could get you married. You have such a pretty face and cute personality”.
One time in particular I’d had enough, and my sister Jen LOVES this story and still to this day can’t believe I said it. I was living with my grandfather who was a dr. He has now passed on. He was eye surgeon but for years practiced general medicine. Now I loved him dearly as well, but good grief he could also hound people about their weight. And nothing was good enough for him. If I told him I lost 3 pounds that week, he wondered why it wasn’t 5. If I was somewhere besides the gym, he wondered why I wasn’t there. Yet when I came back from the gym he told me that working out would only make me hungrier. It could be exasperating. Well he had just lectured me and put up some fat jokes/cartoons on the fridge and then my doctor had given me the “morbid obese” lecture all in the same week.
And then I headed to see my dear grandmother. I hoped that weight would not be brought up as I was feeling kind of low. Sadly it did come up. She gave me the whole “pretty face but fat ass” routine. (lol, she never said I had a fat ass I promise). I took it for a bit and then something in me just flipped out. I was sick to death of people telling me what I already knew.
So I told her how I really felt. I told her that when she says things like that it hurt my feelings, so much in fact that I would go home and eat ice cream after seeing her because that is what fat people do when they are sad.
I continued by telling her that unless she was going to pay for me to go on Jenny Craig or something that I no longer wanted to hear a word about it from her. I was well aware of the fact that I’m as huge as a whale, and am trying to rectify the situation. And besides I declared “Fat people get married all the time!”
I was so livid. And truly, she never brought anything up about weight for a good year.
So every time I tell her about my new “diet of the month”, it is with much hesitation. But I had to tell her about the body bugg. She is very excited for me, and impressed with how Adam has lost 80 pounds.
But anyway, it was kind of funny, the last time we went and saw her, she told me she knew exactly why Jen and I weren’t chosen for the Biggest Loser. My mind raced, bracing myself for something excruciatingly insulting. She told me that we didn’t make it because we are in no way big enough. I smiled. How inaccurate a statement that was, she had no idea. Then I think I gave her the shock of her life when I told her that at my heaviest I was 414. I really don’t think she believes me.
So how funny, the kindest think someone could say came from her. Thank you grandma! When you get a compliment from her, it really is one. She certainly isn’t one to blow sunshine up your butt.

I'm a little less fat!!!!!

THE RESULTS OF WEEK FOUR!!!!

STARTING WEIGHT: 356

WEEK 1: 350 (Righteous!)

WEEK 2: 345 (Wahfreakinghoo!!!)

WEEK 3: 349 (Totally bogus, heinus. Most non-triumphant)

WEEK 4: 344.5 (Success!!!!)