Week 2, Day 2 - Finding my Mojo

Week 2, Day 2
Tuesday, November 4

FOOD:
B: oatmeal, 2 eggs, 2 whites
Snack: apple
L: chicken, rice, tomatoes, cheese
Snack: yogurt, string cheese
D: Chilli
Snack: Banana

EXERCISE:
30 minutes Cardio-Elliptical
Man this is kicking my butt! Why do I ever stop exercising. SO hard to get back into the swing of things. I was pooped after 30 minutes. It really is best to do 45 because you burn fat for longer even after the workout is over so its very worth it. But I think because I was cramping and was wanting to go home and play WoW, I was lucky to get in 30 minutes! Adam left before me to see his trainer, and I wondered if in the back of his mind if he wondered if I would actually show up, slacker that I am as of late. So weird because I really am a hard worker when I set my mind to it. It was pretty nice though because his trainer commented that she can tell I have lost wait so that was kind of nice to hear.
AND I WENT!!!! Give yourself credit for the things you are doing. We always have goals and we can always do better, but don’t discourage yourself and set yourself up for failure. Give you credit where credit is desserved.

EMOTIONS:
I am still really struggling. I think once I have the medicine in my system regularly for a few days (with no skipping!!!), it will be much easier. I have still had cravings, but I really think its because of my lack of inconsistency.
But I need to remain optimistic. So what I gained back two pounds. I’ve lost 17 in such a short time. If I get all sad it will only get me discouraged and more likely to cheat again. Too often I have that ‘all or nothing’ attitude. So sometimes I think well I cheated, may as well keep cheating. Its like the fat girl inside me is so wickedly clever and evil. She can justify anything. Had a bad day? Oh is your back hurting Holly? Oh are you tired? Did you get in an argument with someone? Oh isn’t work so stressful!!! Here, have some chocolate, you will feel better! Oh come on, one piece isn’t going to hurt!
And then once you’ve had some, well 2 more pieces can’t really hurt. I’m telling you, this fat girl is evil. And she lies! LOL I’m kind of joking, but there is some truth to it. A part of you wants you to fail. Isn’t that weird? But its true. Why? Well you’ve been fat for a long time (well at least I have lol)….its all you know and remember. Its comfortable. Part of you fears change. For instance, being fat is your favorite excuse. I don’t have more money or a better job etc because I’m fat. You use that for everything. So what if you don’t have that excuse anymore, what will you do?
So you have to really think it through and focus. You have to really want it. You have to make yourself follow it. Yes, this medicine definitely helps, but its still a challenge. Its not quite the miracle I thought it was at first. But I can use all the help I can get. But the point is, you still have to try.
For me, I’m not consistant for the long haul. I want it to come off fast and I want it now, but I have a hard time putting in the effort. I get sad, mad, etc and I want to do what I’ve always done, emotional eater that I am, and eat the troubles away. THIS WON’T WORK ANYMORE. Its not acceptable. And I can teach myself this. Its not easy, but I will do it.
How do you do it? Well I’m going to try this? Every time I crave something I’m going to ask myself a few questions and think about certain things:
1. Is this just a small snack that I really do need a taste of? If I just want a bite and then I’m good, then fine, go for it. I would rather have a little than deprive myself and then one day eat a whole cake. Moderation in all things seems to work for me.
2. Is this something that I will keep eating? Am I emotional or stressed or something?
3. Is this really what I want? Is it going to help me make my dreams come true?
4. Picture the wonderful things I look forward to when I’m healthier such as: fitting easily into airplane seats, going on roller coasters again, scuba diving, skiing, all kinds of sports!
5. YOU CAN DO IT. The power is in YOU.
6. You’ve been good before. Just keep doing it again.