1/15/09 Thursday

Life is good!
I just am so happy right now! I think the last month was so very stressful and it had such a toll on me. I was highly stressed with work. I was so worried about all the wedding stuff. I had a miserable cold for 2 weeks, and just felt pretty hopeless and miserable for a period of time there.
But its given me a lot of time to self-reflect. I realize how much I stress over things! Crazy gal that I am! With work I’m going to try to be better. Yes, things get stressful, but I always handle it great, it works out every time so why do I worry so much! We are such funny creatures!
And now I’m just so so very happy. I just feel so very lucky with everything. I remember a while back when seriously (and I know I’ve said it before), I just figured I would be fat and alone forever. And I was miserable. I knew it was my own fault. Deep down I knew. I was so wrapped up in grief and family problems, that I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I kept thinking why me, but I know that is silly now. There is always someone who has it better, always someone who has it worse. So why focus on it? Deal with what you have. On the things you don’t like, CHANGE them. Realize you can change them. Work on a little at a time and know you can do it.
Last night I was nervous to tell Adam’s family about the wedding stuff. I was gonna chicken out. We had gone to Robby’s (Adam’s and my friend) dinner party and then went to Joey’s (Adam’s brother) birthday party and Adam whispers to me that I should tell them. So I told his mom while she cut his hair and she was so awesome about it. I know she wants it sooner as does he, but they understand. So I ask you, how lucky can a girl get?
I mean seriously, I should never complain about anything ever! I love my family so much. Jen and I have gotten closer. She has agreed to help me with so so much with the wedding and will be my maid of honor. I love my family. They love Adam so much.
And Adam’s family. Oh my gosh. No complaints! Seriously none. I love them all. We have so much fun playing games. They have teased him if he ever leaves me they will get rid of him and keep me. I’ve gone over there for family night even when Adam wasn’t there. And the sweetest thing, Val (his mom) heard me say how I’m sad my mom won’t be there and she gave me a big hug and said she knows I’m not her mom but that she will be there for me. How sweet is that. Anyway, they are great! It just makes me cry almost, because I’ve prayed long and hard for God to give me someone wonderful. And if it wasn’t too much to ask I begged if I could have a great mother-in-law since I don’t have a mom anymore. Tears of joy are filling my eyes right now. I’m so grateful.
I also feel so empowered right now. I just watched Biggest Loser which always motivates me. Wowers, they work out like 5-6 hours a day. Now you have to be careful, their diet is monitored and they have trainers and medical professionals, but you can do it yourself. I’ve decided I need and uber challenge. I need something new. I’m thinking about working out more. Ha ha, been slacking lately with the cold so working out more wouldn’t be hard. But what I really want to do is continue the nightly workouts with Adam-we usually go 5-6 times. But I want to do that and also work out in the mornings a little with the workout videos I have. That’s a lot, but come on, 3 hours is nothing compared to what they are doing. So I’m going to gradually try to do that. Let’s see how this goes. Sometimes you get great ideas, and sometimes they don’t always pan out. But I think this would really help me get into that wedding dress next year!
I can really taste it this time! There is no time for the up and down weight loss I’ve had in the last few months. Now of course there will be a week or so when I stay the same or gain, but I want 7 out of 8 to be weeks where I lose. And I know I can do it if I just stick to it. This will teach me patience! Control the cravings.
One tip I learned today. Sometimes you start craving something sweet. You think of donuts and chocolate cake etc. And every once in a while its ok to indulge, but you can’t indulge all the time. You need to have control and save that cheat night for later. So what do you do? You drink some water and have a snack that is naturally sweet. Realize that your craving is really just a sign. Most of the time its just that you are hungry and need something. A yogurt, a protein bar, a fruit, things that are sweet but have ¼ of the calories of the cake, are an excellent substitute and you learn its what your body needs and you are sated!
Bonco is tonight. They always have yummy desserts and from the 3 different cakes that were offered last night I did have one small piece, so I’m not going to tonight. I’m going to make sure I eat dinner before and then I will bring a protein bar in case there isn’t any fruit or veggies that I can eat, and say no to the half time goodie. I can do it! It will be worth it.
I need to remember this when I'm having a bad day!!!!