My Boo Hoo Baggage Sob Story!!!

YOU ate it!!!!

Ok, well we all have our story. We have all had drama in our lives, reasons that we became fat etc. I couldn't claim that mine is any worse than anyone else's.

I don't mean to imply that our situations made us fat and we are just helpless victims, because seriously, unless someone tied you up and forced you to eat ding dongs (that sounds kind of fun j/k) then nothing can cause US to get fat. It didn't happen to us. We LET it happen. I know that sucks to realize, but it is true. BUT I DIDN'T ALWAYS FEEL THAT WAY!

My mother passed away from an accidental suicide when I was 14 years old. I was crushed and my world was turned upside down. I think my entire family started putting on the weight. We were sad, and we thought food made us happy. (that damn food is tricky, tricky). When my dad got re-married a year later and suddenly I was going to a high school and only knowing one person in the whole school (I love you Lisa!!!) and having step-siblings and being in a new home. It was madness coping with all of that!

I thought the drama was over in my life but I battled with depression and kept gaining more weight. I had several times I lost weight but I would gain it back. Then things got even crazier with family life and the Garth Brooks song 'Mama's in the graveyard, papa's in the pen' sort of became my life.

So I ate and ate and ate some more. I was so down and out that I remember food was the only thing that made me happy. I can't tell you how many times I pigged out on things, mindlessly eating calories gallore! For example, I remember being sad that I didn't date, so quite often I'd go get the super size meal at Taco Time for example (and of course with cheese tator tots) and then get a bag of candy and a thing of Ben and Jerry's WITH a whole container of Magic Shell. I kid you not people! I shudder to think of what I did back then. It took me the whole night but I could pretty much pack it all in and I thought it made me happy. THOUGHT being the key word.

Isn't it sad the mindset we have sometimes? The lies we tell ourselves? I hated myself for doing it, but what did I do when I was depressed? I would eat and then eat some more. Then I would blame my mom or my dad or just blame it on my poor sorry life and that I couldn't help it. Boys were mean jerks who only wanted a barbie doll and healthy women were to be loathed.

Sounds comical, but that is pretty much how I was. I was angry and bitter and God and what HE did to me. LOL! I didn't realize until much later that he was there through it and that I survived because of his help.....

But not to wax all religious and all, but there came a time when I had to become accountible. I had to realize that I did it. No one else did it. Yes, I had a hard life, but so does EVERYONE. We all have trials. Some have it worse, some have it better. You just get what you get and you have to deal with it. You either make the most of it, or you can be miserable the rest of your life.

Well folks I got up to 414 pounds at my heaviest! It hit me hard that I would end up (no joking matter) someone who is bed-ridden and would need to be moved by crane or something.

Already things were miserable. Oh it is miserable being morbidly obese! I have problems with chairs at places. I fly for work and I squish myself into that seat and am so embarassed and humiliated and feel horrible for the person next to me. Its painful physically and emotionally.

NO MORE.

I got down to 350 at one point about 3 years ago with a trainer, but in the past 3 years, I have gone from 380ish to 360ish about 25 times no joking! I think I have a mental block.

I found out I'm nearly pre-diabetic. The reason why I have such cravings is because my body doesn't metabolize correctly, so it thinks its starving as it stores what I do eat.

So I heard about the MD diet-you can see more about the solutions they provide in one of my other blogs. I am excited about it. I love that a dr is involved. I love that medication will help control my cravings and help me metabolize better! I love being weighed in once a week, having a specific diet that isn't hard to follow, and getting a vitamin shot for energy weekly! I truly believe I will have sucess.

I firmly believe the key to losing weight is mostly mental. You have to figure out WHY you eat. Not just physical problems, but mental. You have to deal with those demons. I ate when I was sad. I'm much happier now, but its breaking those habits. I realize that I did this to myself, but I no longer hate myself. I love me! I'm proud of me for always trying, and I think I finally have the key to do it. I am beautiful and sexy, but this will help me be more happy!

I can't wait to walk down the aisle with my boyfriend in a dress that I feel good in. I want to have kids and ride bikes with them. So much to look forward to! You have the power within yourself to do it. You have to believe it.