It's Been a Hard Week.......

Hey, I'm not gonna pretty it up. I'd love to say, oh it was easy, just eat right and exercise and that did it. Easy as pie. Well it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as hell. I lost 6 pounds!!!! Wahoo.

But I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This has been really hard. The work has been hard. It has taken everything I have to give, and will continue doing so in so many areas. To name a few:

1. BODY: My body hurts! Every day and all the time. I feel like I'm big time whining, but its true. I have muscles aching that I didn't know I had. I have a bum knee that hurts. My legs always ache for some reason. My back I've always had problems with. Sometimes its all I can do to stay and work out at the gym. But this is what is required to get what I want, and I'm willing to do what it takes. And I guess every time I complain, I sit there and think, hey it WILL get better if I keep it up. And honestly, it is my fault it got so bad. And thats ok to admit. I dont hate myself or anything. Its just a reality. I forgive myself. Its how I coped with some really hard things.
But I have to admit, although Adam has to drag me, I do kind of love the burn. I love how I feel after a hard workout. I love when I'm there and pushing myself to the max on most days. (You know besides the off days where you wish you were sleeping or eating a donut).....I'm just so proud of this change I'm making. So I just have to remind myself that its so worth it and that it is paying off. I will see the results I want eventually. Another thing, I quite enjoy doing what people think I couldn't do at this weight. Above all, I just enjoy pushing myself and doing more than I ever thought possible.

2. MIND: Ok so this is a big one too. I haven't always been ready in the past. For years I've lived in victim mode where I blame the world. Or perhaps I blame my parents at times for all the drama we've had to deal with. But none of that is helpful. That just is my way of not taking responsibility and telling myself its okay to eat 5 donuts because after all my mother accidentally killed herself and my father was incarcerated. I desserve it, right? Actually no, I desserve better. Not because of what I've been through. We all have our trials. But because I'm human I desserve to be happy. I desserve to be healthy. ITS UP TO ME! I can do this. Its in my hands. So its up to me. Do I want to have children and be able to run around with them, or do I want to eat McDonald's every morning?

3. DETERMINATION: Its all about consistancy. Above all, this is my biggest weakness. But you have to be able to get back up again, no matter how many times you fall of the horse. If you really want to taste that sucess, well stop tasting the sweets!!! If you get off, get right back on and quickly. That is what I'm reminding myself of all the time! Stop looking in the past and focus on the future! Who cares that I've gotten to 350 like 35 times. This is the last time I will weigh that. My goal is to be 345 on Saturday.

4. PATIENCE: This is the thing I struggle with the most. You see results, but you want them quicker. You want to be in that bikini in a couple of months. But you have to be realistic. It didn't come in one day, you aren't going to lose it in one day. I'm learning this. I need to celebrate small sucesses! Ah hah! See, I caught myself. Small???? How is 6 pounds small??? That is huge!

In summary, I guess I'm just sick of all the bullcrap, all the whining and excuses. I'm not going to stop working hard, because that is what it takes. I will be healthy at my wedding and be able to have children with Adam. We will go on family hikes!
I know I'm not going to be perfect. I will mess up. but thats ok. I also know I will work hard and I'm going to stick to it. How will I do that? By knowing I can and just doing it. This Bodybugg is really working for me. I'm understanding the science of weight loss like I never have before.
Why is this time different from all the other times? Well I know the things I need to change, my weaknesses. One is that as soon as I see success, I think I'm done and I quit. Another, I get sad when I don't lose. Well that isn't going to happen. I'm doing really good and working hard. And if I have a week I don't lose as much I'm prepared for it. I will be happy at every step closer to my goal I take. I'm also committed entirely this time and that is the difference.