WEAKLY Results

So I woke up Saturday with much anticipation. True to my word, I didn’t weigh in all week long. And I looked at how I did the first couple of weeks and stuck to that amount as far as caloric intake is concerned. I was so looking forward to a high weight loss. I was really expected 340 because I had done amazingly well! I had said no to so many things-all the goodies at Bonco night and everyone going to yummy places for lunch at work. I had resisted the daily urge to go out for breakfast. Now my “womanly troubles” had started, so I thought that perhaps 6 pounds was a lot to ask. I was thinking realistically that 3 would be great. I stepped on that scale, practically screaming inside “SHOW ME THE WEIGHT LOSS!” So you can imagine my total shock when I saw the # go up 3 ½ pounds. So I was 349 ½. I just stared at in total disbelief. And then the anger and just utter despair hit me. I seriously didn’t stop crying for about 2 hours. It was awful. Poor Adam. He was at the gym most of the time. He figured I was being a slacker, so after his trainer session he came back to grab me for cardio. He had no idea what he was coming home to. I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t hear the pep talk from him I just couldn’t so I told him I couldn’t talk yet. Luckily he knew I wasn’t mad at him. He did some cleaning and then went back to the gym, came back and checked on me. Finally I cried to him for nearly an hour. I told him how I just couldn’t take working so hard and not only to not lose, but to gain was just way too devastating. I didn’t want to see it again. I just couldn’t take it. I wanted to give up. What is the point? You work so hard and yet you don’t see the fruits of your labor? It just doesn’t make sense. I told him how hard it was especially because I’m working so hard on getting to a good weight for the wedding and I’m so focused and determined so I’m frustrated. That damn 350 thing is still haunting me.

He helped me figure it out. I guess you can gain up to 5 pounds on your period. We figured out that for me, I may need to work out a lot more too. I need to add some workouts in the morning. I just may have a uber slow metabolism. It may not seem fair, but we all have our obstacles. Some people have kids so they have to balance that out. We all just have things that we need to deal with. Obstacles are just a part of life. So I can either cry about it and never reach my goal, or I can step it up a few notches and figure it out. So I’m going to keep the calories the same and add the extra workouts and see if my next week’s weigh in is better. I can make some adjustments to the caloric intake if needed then.

So this morning I worked out for 30 minutes and Adam isn’t working out tonight, but I will do another video workout tonight after we have dinner at his family’s. I will not let this get the better of me, even though on Saturday for about 2-3 hours, I just about did.

The Icing on the Cake

I have to take a moment to self-reflect here and essentially pat myself on the back a little. Yes, its taken a long long time, and I’ve gone back and forth more than Anne Heche (on the SCALE in my case anyways) But I’m truly happy about it. I can smell the 300 pound mark only a month or two from now. I honestly can’t remember when I was under 300, but I can tell you it was many years ago.

So recently I took a picture after I recently got my hair done. It had been a while since I updated my pics on MySpace & Facebook and all that. So I thought the best time is right after my hairdresser did it. They always seem to do It better than I can. So anyway I updated my pictures and that was that. I honestly had no idea the comments that would be made.
In MySpace, I used to talk on the forums, months ago. Lately every once in a while I will get on and chat. A lot of the same people I used to chat with are on there. A couple people started commenting on how great I looked, and I thought it was just the new hairdo. But then suddenly people are making tons of comments in the forum and a few sent me personal messages saying over and over how much weight I have lost and how they can totally tell. I was floored.
Some of the comments:

"You look awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...................... Seriously, how much have you lost now!!!"

"YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!"

"Hope you and your SO are doing great. You look wonderful!"

"Wow, you look like you've knocked off another 40 pounds since your last pic. At least. Good work!"

"You do look great... love your hair too."

"BTW, Holly you look great. I can see a remarkable difference from your earlier photos to now in terms of weight loss. The cute cut suits you well too."

"Wow did you shave off 200 pounds or something……"

I mean wow! I can’t believe people could tell so much and that they are talking about ME of all people. But I keep forgetting, although lately I’ve only lost so much, at my heaviest I was 414 and I have some pics at that weight on MySpace. So I’ve really done great! I just need to keep it up. I know I can do it.

Yes the 350 mark has kinda kicked my ass. I seem to get stuck there a lot. I have gone from 350-380 like 85 times in the last 4 years. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t change that. Yeah it would be great if I had just kept at it and then I’d be at my ideal now. But I didn’t. All I can really do now is LEARN from it. Just make sure that I keep at it. When I fall, I just need to get right back up and keep plugging away. I am a lucky girl. I have the time, I have the know-how, the support, I have all the resources, and we all know I have the gumption! So yee haw baby, the sky is the limit!

Oh wow those comments thought! The important thing is that I’m changing my life. I’m actually DOING it for once, and not just talking about it. That is the important thing. I will feel so much better on my wedding day AND I will be in a much better position to have babies!
I may be focusing on it a tad bit too much, but I have to admit it’s totally awesome people noticing. I can’t lie about that. I know its just one of the fringe benefits, but it feels incredible. It makes my smile really really big! It truly is the icing on the cake.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good.

I really am determined to lose at least 4 pounds, hopefully 6 by Saturday. I’m working hard.

Diet Coke Blues

Monday, March 16, 2009
Meh. Whose brilliant plan was this to have no Diet soda? Oh yeah M-I-N-E. It’s funny, Adam’s mom lost all her weight and drank Diet Coke like it was water. For some reason it just affects me more. I really get all uber bloaty and it just makes it increasingly difficult to lose weight. But damn, I love that stuff. Its like Mother’s milk to her. Hee hee, that is a movie quote but probably most people wouldn’t get it. (The actual quote is “Gin was like mother’s milk…”. Google it!

So yeah anyway, have you ever noticed as soon as you restrict something, its ALL you want, all you can think about??? Arggh. Trust me this morning I’m hearing that gorgeous sound over and over of when someone opens up a can of pop. Ahhh, only a true addict can really relish the sound of that. I liken it to the beautiful sound candy makes being poured into a glass dish. Rain falling on the pavement, or money falling to the ground. OMG I’m pathetic! Let’s just hope on the training videos at work I’m making that I’m not putting pictures of Diet Coke or slogans into it. See, this is why I can’t give my little sister too much guff for smoking. I have way more addiction problems than she could ever dream of, so I’m certainly not one to judge.
Oh sheesh, now someone is making popcorn and I can smell that glorious buttery smell. Mmmmmm, all I need to be happy is Diet Coke, butter, and chocolate brownies with frosting, but not all necessarily together.

But truthfully I’m not hungry. This morning I had my one egg, one egg white, oatmeal, and a banana. Then for a snack I had an apple, cottage cheese, and some soy nuts. It will certainly tide me over until lunch. So quit complaining!

…..So its nearly lunch time. I’ve had 2 cups of coffee and 2 containers of 24 ounces of water. And it just seems to go right through me. Yep, been to the bathroom roughly 6 times today. Sheesh But it must be done people. I need to get to that 200 pounds by next April.
Yup, we moved the date up to April. If I lose 4 pounds a week until then I could be to about 200. If I work hard and don’t cheat I know I can do it!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good

Bowling Nazi

So Sunday night we went bowling with Adam’s family @ the All Star Lanes in Sandy. Everything was going great until this family got the lanes next to us. Now I’m as big of a fan as the next person when it comes to taking pictures. But I’m pretty sure these guys must’ve been visiting from another planet where bowling doesn’t exist. It’s the only way I can explain why it’s really necessary to take about 10 pictures each and EVERY time someone in their party would bowl. Yeah seriously, I’m barely exaggerating here.
At first it was kind of cute to watch. They were teaching their little ones to bowl. Who doesn’t love kids. I love kids, they’re delicious. (Totally kidding-that one is for you Ian who doesn’t even read my blog lol).
Well and you know the whole bowling etiquette where you need to wait for the person next to you, and then you go. It’s just kind of a courtesy thing that we all like to practice. Well it kept getting increasingly more difficult and annoying. It would take like 3 minutes for the dad to teach the ol’ bowling skills, while all the kids are up there no matter whose turn it was to bowl. So there is at least a kid or two in our lane. I guess their kids getting hit by a bowling ball wasn’t a fear they had.
When things like this happen you have to think that the parents are just so in the moment they are probably not even noticing how their kids are disturbing you. Its hard to keep track of everything. But it just kinda went too far when the mom would come into our lane to take a few pictures. Sheesh people, there are other people who exist in this world besides yourself. How does one get to be so flippin’ annoying and obnoxious. I mean seriously, are they conscious of it, do they value their own importance over yours or are they just completely oblivious. Who knows?
So finally, I’m about at the end of my rope, when Valerie (future mother-in-law) tells them that they really can’t be in our lane where we are trying to bowl. Oh it was seriously awesome. I was expecting them to apologize profusely and be embarrassed, which is what I would have done. I would have been highly mortified.
But not these guys-no siree. They were indeed shocked at her gall to call them on their crap. They just kept glaring at us and Valerie like we were the spawn of Satan or something. Oh it was highly enjoyable. I couldn’t stop smiling to myself. The husband kept commenting that there was going to be a cat fight.
Bring it on bitches. Ha ha. But seriously, try to be considerate of others and realize that they do exist and that you and your existence isn’t the only one that matters. Just TRY. And don’t be afraid to call people out on things. Its not mean. Its just standing up for yourself.

PICTURES:

Above on left is my fat picture-when I was at my heaviest 414. To the right is me on Saturday at 346. :)

WORKOUT:

Cardio-20 minutes Precor machine, 10 minutes Elliptical, 20 minutes Stairclimber

Leg Workout-2 leg lift types, calf raises, jump ups, step ups, inner thigh

DAILY PROGRESS:

CALORIC INTAKE: 1930

CALORIES BURNED: 3959

DEFECIT: 1830

WEIGHT ON SATURDAY: 346

SUMMARY:

Well I'm actually pretty pleased with today. I am 346, or at least I was on Saturday, Dissapointing, but I had gone up to 349 the other day, so I'm doing good.

I have a very firm goal this week to be 340 by Saturday. I can't weigh myself until then. No cheating and actually no Diet coke. Arrghh its gonna be a tough week.

I think I just let it get to me. Its silly but somehow work can seem such a big temptation. Its so hard to smell everyone's fries every day and see their yummy cheese melting on their supreme nachos. And walking past the front desk and all the chocolate in the world available at your fingertips. Arghh its annoying. But it wasn't just work, just in the morning I was sleeping in and a couple of times I was doing the McDonald's thing. Oh my am I weak!!!!

This week we've been talking about cruises and the wedding and everything and boy its all coming up really soon.

So no more excuses. I don't have time for excuses. I can't miss the gym, and I need to stick to the food plan. Hello, its really not that hard. Its not like I'm working out for hours and hours killing myself like they do on the Biggest Loser. And I get to have a lot of calories at this weight. And on Saturdays I get to have a big cheat meal, so seriously why do I complain????

Yeah, I could have normal people food and eat some bad stuff every once in a while, if I'd had control in the past. But the point is, that I didn't. There were times I was eating out 2 or 3 times a day. Ok not that bad always, but there just was little control. I was eating way too many calories and not exercising with consistancy.

And honestly, right now no one is making me eat this way. I could go back to my old ways and weigh 400 pounds again. But I don't want to do that. I really don't. I want to be at a normal weight. I want to fit in a seat at the plane and not have an extension on the seat belt. I want to be able to by clothing at any clothing store. I want to be able to ride on a roller coaster. I want to be able to have children and run and play with them.

Therefore, I must put in the hard work and the sacrifice.

HARD WORK + EATING RIGHT = MY DREAMS COMING TRUE

Big Love = Biiiiig Controversy

Have you heard how Big Love is airing an episode showing LDS temple ceremonies?

Even though I personally no longer practice this religion, I’m very bothered by this! An ex-mormon is overseeing all of it to ensure the authenticity of the sacred LDS temple ceremonies. ICK. Is nothing sacred anymore??? Shame on him. Are we not capable of showing each other some R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Ok I get he is ex-mormon for some reason. Totally his decision-whatever. He probably doesn’t believe in that anymore-who cares? Its his prerogative to believe as he wants, but we have to realize that our actions can impact others.

It stands to reason that due to his knowledge, he obviously was endowed at some time, as that is pretty much the only way to become privy to such things. He knows these ceremonies are very sacred to people. Although they no longer perhaps have meaning for him, he knows that there are many who still believe in it. As such, I find his behavior unacceptable. And yet he has no problem whatsoever doing it to make a buck. No doubt it will be a highly viewed episode.

I would like to think that most of us are respectful and would never knowingly/willingly trample or expose something sacred to another, so I find this extremely disturbing. I’m terribly vexed about it. Indeed I should focus on my own faults, and there are many people. But I’m just a big enough brat, that if I knew this guy I would not hesitate to give him a piece of my mind and the wrath of my sharp tongue.