Diary of a Fat Girl

VOTE ME for new ABC Weight Loss Reality Show!!!!

2009-12-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.realitywanted.com/member/id/145660 Click this link to vote for me for a new ABC weight loss show!

(They called and asked me to apply for it-you can read all about it on my main blog...........www.project200pounds.wordpress.com

Wednesday Night

2009-08-07T22:48:00.001-07:00

Power Outage

Wednesday, August 5, 2009: So I just came home a few minutes ago only to find that the power has gone out. To be honest, it's been about 45 minutes actually without power so far.

It's actually been a little bit of an experience in my dull life lol. I struggled at first to find some matches, laughing at how my once strategically placed flashlights all got put with the camping gear in storage. Finally I remembered that there were some matches next to the tv so I am so grateful that I have a ton of candles!

Oh how I take power for granted! I scarcely give it a though besides the begrudging writing of the check each month. Ha! I don't even write out checks anymore. I joined the world of debit cards finally, and Adam introduced me to the oh so convenient free online bill pay with Zion's Bank.

What an amazing thing technology is! (hee hee I so feel a certain song from "Napoleon Dynamite" coming on…….). So annoying though without this wonderful stuff. I can't do any of my normal routine without power. It's funny that somehow I feel like I'm in the dark ages sitting here on the couch writing on paper to candlelight.

Next I'll be looking for my sketch book or my embroidery and get ready for the ball!

No wonder back then that they looked so forward to parties and dancing for it was almost the only form of entertainment they had! Quite amazing really! Wouldn't they be amazed to see this entirely new world with our internet, ipods, and cell phones? I know I would be entirely out of my element and bored in their world.

So funny that I'm quite put out because I can't play WOW, go on facebook, write my blog & articles while watching Shark Week!

Luckily there is actually plenty to do to amuse myself. I did the dishes (well rinsed and put them in the magic dishwasher lol) Ha, see how bored I really am!

….The power didn't come on until nearly 10. I actually wrote an article and my blog on paper, and read for a while. My honey had to work really really late sadly. And I really couldn't complain. I had the cat, my ipod (music). Too bad Adam wasn't here so we could cuddle and actually bond without the tv and our computers etc.

So interesting though. It really makes me wonder about how far we have come. We have all these amazing things in the world, made so many advances etc. How prepared will we be when the world ends or whatever like some huge disaster where we don't have power. It makes me think how we need to be prepared!

But as far as technology, its amazing all these things we can do. How we can connect with others millions of miles away, research so much on the internet. Wouldn't want to trade it for the world. But we probably should have our limits here in the world today where we text or instant message family members in the same house that dinner is ready! Really need to take a break from it sometimes and bond without all these fancy gadgets. That's why I love family night with Adam's family. They have a strict rule that there are no ipods etc or texting. We play games etc and its just so much fun.

The Sweetest Thing

2009-08-05T07:52:00.001-07:00

I'M SO CHEEZY

And I don't even care. Work is so insane right now, but I had to take a moment and write something about my honey. Last night we had stayed up way to ridiculously late and had a rather difficult time falling asleep. We were just cuddling and talking. We got into that whole "who do I love thee…." Mumbo jumbo but it was seriously the sweetest thing ever. He was telling me my best qualities and mentioned my personality and how much fun we have together and how much he loves. But then he said something about how he can't wait to get home to me every day from work. Oh man! How adorably sweet is that? I didn't tell him, but it brought a couple tears to my eyes.

I'm just so grateful I met him. I am a very, very lucky girl. He is seriously amazing. I've never had so much fun and felt so much love with someone before. I am so excited to get married to Adam!!!!

Corny? Yes! But I'm looking for corny in my life. J (name that movie)

(Okay I'll shut up and you can stop puking now)

How is it AUGUST???

2009-08-03T18:20:00.001-07:00

What Exactly is the "BEYOND"?

So I have this wedding planning book. It's the kind that tells you when you should do what. It actually says between 8-10 months prior that you should register. Ha ha. I know nobody does that. But I figured it was something we could get done and over with.

We planned on Friday to register for a few places. Yeah, well we only got done at one place- Bed Bath & Beyond. It is actually a pretty tiring experience seriously.

Oh but so much fun! Not only was it awesome that we were doing it together, but it was really fun planning on everything you want. All of the stuff we have is so very old, it's time for new stuff. So here are the themes we decided on:

Monkey bathroom
Italian kitchen
Jungle living room
Movie bedroom
Coke bathroom

Family Parties With and Without Booz

Recently we went to a party with my family for the 24^th. It was so nice to see everyone! You never seem to be able to meet quite often enough. We actually combined it (the 24^th celebration) with the extended McAffee's so Patty and Richard were there. This was obviously the party WITHOUT booz. My family doesn't actually need them to be loud and crazy lol. We had a lot of fun. We played soccer, had a picnic. It was a total blast.

The party with the booz was last night at Adam's parents. Oh man it was hilarious! There was the man table that we all avoided as they were drinking the most. It got to the point where we had to hide the children inside watching movies as to not corrupt them. They sucked in Adam there too. But he didn't drink that much, just enough to be funny. Brad was also hilarious! I got him to dance the river dance twice! Oh man, I can't even repeat most of what he said. Good times!

Just Kickin' It

Yeah so my work team has still not won a game. But we haven't lost all of them, just all but one. Oh the soccer ties! We are doing so much better though. It has been a blast. My leg is doing a LOT better too which is a total bonus.

Working my Tail Off

User's Conference is coming up and we are working on SO many projects besides it that its insane. You don't have time to think, you just work, work, work. Probably gonna put in a lot of overtime until conference. Such is life! Its next month. I'm just so grateful though that the wedding is next April, because I know I would have gone so so crazy trying to do both at the same time.

Shark Week

And just so you know its Shark Week! And that really has nothing to do with anything but its AWESOME!!!!! Don't miss it.

Week in Review……

2009-07-26T21:15:00.001-07:00

Best/Prescious Moments of the Week

Playing Bonco with Adam's family-the laughing, treats, Diet Coke! (especially laughing at putting "non-sexual favors" on Valerie, Adam's mom's check hee hee hee)
Fireworks: Doing fireworks at Kim's. Kiya being adorable and so being baby-hungry! (Kiya so looks like Adam, I just can't wait to have our own little child!)
Hazel: Holding Daisy and Robby's baby for like more than an hour, trying to hold back tears and reminding myself to leave the baby when I leave their house.

Funny Moments

Work Story: Overhead funny conversation between Laura and Pamela (from implementation) where they are talking about manicures etc and Laura says "Oh and guess what I'm going to get before I go on my trip?" Pam says "A pedafile?" lol! Speaking of which I really need a pedicure! Good times, good times!
Bonco Story: I'm mid-sentence, telling everyone how Jevan (my ex-step brother) calls Adam (who he works with) his future ex-step-brother-in-law but as I'm saying it I get Bonco so I'm saying "….and so Jevan says………….BONCO!!!!". So does not really sound that funny right now, but in a group with 12 women, we get really giddy! How I love those women.

Stress-ball Moments

Arguing with Jen: Oh how we know how to fight! The funny thing is most of the time I can't even remember what starts half of our arguments. We argued about the details of our 24^th celebration. Silly silly stuff.
Work:
- Training: This past week I took on Paul's training of new hires. So funny, it was actually good for me because there haven't been any on-sites for a long, long time. I haven't trained since our past system updates so I had a lot of preparing to do for this one.
- User's Conference: I was thinking of NOT focusing at all on User's Conference but we had a meeting during lunch this week and had started making plans and discussed all the times the documentation has to be done and when the dry runs are. And there is a lot to do besides conference and I started stressing out. Oh, I know we will do it. And we had it last year, but my goodness are my classes harder this time. CRAZINESS! (And BTW, I know everyone is thinking we are crazy for waiting until April to get married, but in retrospect I'm SO glad that I am not planning a wedding right around User's Conference time. That would be NUTS!)

Sweet & Sour

Cry Fest: Had another minor breakdown which is silly. I lost another pound which is GOOD but I'm not patient. Just don't understand why it doesn't happen quicker. But just need to be happy with it and go forth and keep working! I did good this week.

Enlightening Moments

Walter Kronkite: So I watched quite a bit of this special on Discovery about Kronkite's life. It was pretty amazing all of the historical events he experienced. We just have no idea in this day and age of the internet. For instance, I remember freaking out when I needed a phone # and the internet was down the other day, and OMG I actually had to open up a phone book! LOL so clueless we are. We have no idea what it was like-the Depression. BEFORE the internet and cell phones. It amazes me. Who knows what we will be telling our grandchildren that will amaze them (other than, whoa, grandma you were born in the 1900's?) And that's how it is! (PS, I think my grandfather adored that man, I'm sure he somehow arranged to meet him up there. Go grandpa!)

Weekly Review: Health Talk

2009-07-18T14:48:00.001-07:00

Results

I'm not going to get depressed or sad about it. It just happens. Just need to stick to it.

Last Week: 354

This week: 354

Programs I'm On

GoWear Fit
Online Training program

What I Did Good

Restricted Diet Coke somewhat (could do better)
Did stick to my meal plans (and it ain't easy people)
Did start cardio workouts (3-kinda wussy I know)
Tracked food & exercise MOST days

What Needs Improvement

Need to drink more water (did good some days)
Need to add weight workouts and more cardio
Restrict Diet Coke to 1-2 daily
Keep track of diet EVERY DAY

The Plan

Ok so lets kick it up a knotch, and this time ACTUALLY do it! I just need to keep watching my portions and eating right and hit the gym LOTS and LOTS

Motivation/Focus

Wedding dress!
Babies!
Soccer (I wanna be soccer bitch)

Week in Review…..

2009-07-18T14:31:00.001-07:00

I'm kind of boring! Not much going on lately but I am happy! Today is Saturday and Adam and I have resolved to do absolutely NOTHING today. (Although I did clean and do laundry lol, wrote some articles lol)

Funny Quotes

X96 Radio Station

"Richie, I've never seen you naked, but I sure would like to." (Bill)

"Gina has now walked 10 miles on this program (walking a mile on the show). It may be more miles than she has walked in her life." (Bill)

"I'm tempted to try this pantyliner experiment and see how many days I can wear the same pear of underwear………….do I stick them to me or the underwear?" (Kerry)

"Kerry you can cut me open and sleep in my guts when you are cold" (Gina)

These guys kill me seriously!

Moments of Shame

We got killed Wednesday night in soccer. 5-0. Their goalie almost scored on us. It was pretty pathetic. Seriously sucks having a new team against people who have been playing for 4+ years.

Harry Potter

I tortured poor Adam by making him watch Harry Potter late Tuesday night. Jen's boyfriend Chad was less than thrilled as well.

Our cousin Alisa was having everyone dress up, so we decided to go as dentists and be Hermione's parents. It was pretty funny. But oh my I'm getting old. So hard to stay up that late anymore. Oh I hate growing old. I don't know when it happened, but seriously in my 20's I could survive on like 4 hours of sleep and stay up until all hours of the night and not blink an eye. Now that seriously doesn't happen. I was really lucky and was able to sleep in. But enough about sleep, lets get to the movie.

I still don't know what I think! I mean it felt like one of those set-up movies for the next which is totally to be expected. But usually its just the end where you feel like that. The bonuses were that the acting was amazing and I thought they did the love interest scenes in a funny way that was pretty clever, rather than cheesy how it seemed to be on the movie Twilight. But there was something lacking. Not special effects though! Seriously seamless about that, the best HP in that respect. So what was it that was missing? I am not quite sure, and I'm willing to admit perhaps I'm fuzzy as I was so tired when I was watching it.

It just seems like it lacked a little action. The story was not as intense as the others have been. Could just be me.

Life

Friday

So I got all pissy this morning (Friday) when I weighed in this morning. I have done exceptionally well-no cheating etc like I normally do so I was disappointed. But tomorrow is official weigh-in day and I'm just not going to sweat it. Just have to keep at it!

Oh its been a long, long week. I'm so glad its Friday. Today I'm gonna clean and get some articles done and work on some more wedding stuff. J Wahoo!

Saturday

Weighed in and I'm exactly the same. 1 pound less than when I started one program though. I know I can do better.

Monday is the Day!

2009-07-14T07:33:00.001-07:00

My Challenge

This week I am challenging myself to the extreme. I must be perfect on the diet this week! I mean I don't care I guess if I have a tic tac. But I mean that I have to stick to my meal plans. None of the following (which I have been guilty of in the past):

Burger King or McDonald's breakfasts
Chocolate from Harmon's or gas stations
Rice crispy treats from gas stations
Buttercream maple bars (Harmon's)
Pizza or chicken bakes from Costco

Today!

Because I have to remember that every moment counts. There is no I'll start tomorrow. I am doing it NOW. I can't do better tomorrow. I must do better NOW

I just feel so good about today and this week and my health "quest".

10:57 AM : Snack time. I love this diet. I don't feel at all guilty about the 2300 calories I'm allotted. Why is it we feel that it's too much? Perhaps I'm comparing myself to skinny people's diets where they are on 1200 calories or something?

Something just makes us feel like you have to eat LESS to lose right. But it just isn't true. Its WHAT you eat. Eating LESS calories does not equal eating less. But such a strange concept to grasp I think.

Obstacles I OVERCAME TODAY/THINGS I DID RIGHT:

Because I do deserve the kudos and as this is a weakness, I want to remember the things I did RIGHT. Why? Because these are the things I need to do over and over. I need to remember them so I can KEEP doing them.

I didn't have a 3^rd Diet Pepsi when I wanted one. I'm sticking to the no more than 2 (would be happier if I only have 1 or none every day, but I'm willing to accept it. Way better than the 5-6 I could have on bad days lol)
I didn't have pretzels or popcorn as an additional snack when I wanted it
Resisted urge to have leftovers from today's training (lunch)

PLAN FOR TONIGHT:

Adam is working late, and I too often have used this and my leg that I injured as an excuse to not exercise. Unacceptable. So I have it all mapped out-a little cleaning, some exercise, all written on a sticky. So lets see how I do!

SUCCESS!!!!

I worked out! I did a 25 minute walking video.
Got my cleaning done as well!
Continued sticking to the meal plan and feeling very positive

Why don’t I blog anymore????

2009-07-13T09:31:00.001-07:00

Weekend Report

You know it was one of those weekends as far as health goes………I've just been so tired lately. I got off of my energy pills for a while, and I'm trying to get it all back into my system which is quite a process. But you know how it feels when you have that dreadful summer cold? I'm seriously just waiting for HR to approach me about my overuse of the Kleenex stock. What really burns me is I JUST HAD A COLD LIKE 10 DAYS AGO! Isn't it someone else's turn?

And I'm seriously such a BABY about it. Friday night I walked out of here with my nose bright read and sore. I was really wanting to go party with the girls that night, but I just knew I didn't have it in me. (Oh, still need to talk to dear Amy and see if she went, which I hope she did!)

But it was really nice. We didn't have a million things going on or anything so I could just be lazy and get stuff done at a turtle-pace since that is how the cold was making me feel. I told Adam it kind of feels like when someone wakes you up at 3 in the morning and that is how I feel all the time. So I can't wait for the nuriche stuff to kick in again! It just takes me 3 full days of being on it to feel the effect of it.

There were some really nice highlights this weekend though. Adam got something nice for working so hard lately so that has been great. But sadly he did have to work Saturday. I was able to get some cleaning done and wrote an article (why diets are bad) for www.examiner.com

We had some more whiskey Saturday night that he had gotten for his birthday so we mixed some drinks with the new blender thing I got him and even did a shot. I'm telling you whiskey just doesn't set right in my tummy, but it was a blast and we both got a little tipsy. That is just how I like it. Just drink a little for it to be fun and no one has to drive anywhere. It was really fun to just relax and have a little fun.

Kim and Kiya came over on Sunday to swim with us. That was seriously fun! Made me really want a baby so bad. To see her splashing about in her water wings was just adorable!

I can't believe though how lazy I was this weekend which makes me feel guilty seriously. But that is silly as I was sick and should take it easy, right? I did do some cleaning and laundry-but there was so much more I could have done and visited more family etc. Oh sheesh I'm silly. I did get to see the Swainstons for a bit, and have a great talk with Laurie and the swimming with Kim and Kiya. I should just shut up and enjoy it.

So remember back when I was playing wow? Well we don't really play it anymore. Lately my 'time waster' has been facebook. If you don't already play these games DON'T read it for heavens sake so you don't too get addicted. Mafia Wars, Vampire Wars, and Farm Town. Oh brother. How dumb! Yet its so addicting and you love it. Especially Vampire Wars, I mean you are a vampire and get to collect blood by fighting other vampires and going on missions lolz. And Farm Town, I'm mystified as to why this is so fun. So its like you are a farmer lolz and you plow and harvest your fields, or you can have someone else do it. And you can buy like houses eventually once you keep making more money etc and your send eachother chickens and stuff. I'm so laughing at myself at how funny this is sounding.

Adam is totally addicted to it too now. Have you ever seen the movie 'Made of Honor'? Well there is this part where the ex-girlfriend is drunk and goes to the main guy and says "Service me bitch". I'm always saying that to Adam as a joke. So with farm town we love to say things to eachother like "Would you like to harvest my fields?" or "plow me bitch" and its one of those things that never gets old. OMG I so need a life!

Family Update

I put on facebook how I helped out with a bake sale for Kearns High School for Briana's band. Seriously made so many things it was insane! But I had fun with it. Went there on Saturday and got my car hand-washed and realized I'd never had that done before ever. The kids were so cute. Deb's family was practically running the thing. Those guys are so involved and do such a great job with their kids.

I'm currently arguing with Jen again. :Sigh: Hopefully things will get patched up soon. Thing I need to send an email about the 24^th to see if someone else besides me will be in charge-I've done the last couple of things anyway. J

We are going camping this weekend with Adam's family which should be really fun. Friday night on the 24^th will be fireworks most likely with my family so plenty of fun stuff going on!

We've been able to see Daisy and Robby's baby Hazel a few times. She is so adorable! I hope to see her again soon after my cold subsides. Again oh my gosh the baby hunger is getting so strong! (not that I'm trying to eat the babies mind you, but I just WANT one so so SO, did I say SO bad?!!!!

Adam's cousin Elizabeth was married this weekend-or maybe its today or something. Anyway the aunts are all there (Adam's mom and her sisters) back east probably having the time of their lives. Oh how I love those ladies. SO funny and fun. So no family night tonight. Wow a Monday! I won't know what to do with myself lol. I will actually miss them so much. I seriously adore Adam's family. I'm a lucky gal for reals!

If I was feeling better I would call Lisa and go over and watch a show with her tonight! I can't wait to hear how her trip went to see Allison.

My Health Quest

Well sadly I had gone past the 350 mark AGAIN lol. I got all the way up to 360 after the 4^th.

But last week I lost 6 so I'm back to 354 thankfully. And I'm actually really excited about my latest venture. Currently I'm using the GoWear Fit mechanism which I'm doing a review for. Its like the bodybugg where you wear it on your arm and it tracks the calories you burn and has a computer system online where you can log what you eat etc.

But a personal trainer from Texas contacted me on the www.examiner.com via email after reading my bodybugg review. He does personal training and their preferred method is to do the training in person, but they have created an online plan for people who can't afford the training etc and is letting me do it for free in exchange for a review.

I talked to him for quite a long time and researched his website and actually am really impressed with him.

So the thing that is WONDERFUL is that although it is similar to what I've been doing, it has MANY different meal ideas that are for on-the-go or for me I mean LAZY people lol. And he is giving me 2300 calories so I think its smart! Seriously when you weigh what I do, you don't need to go on a 1200 calorie diet! Trainers who have you do that have NO experience with heavy people. Rah!

So I just need to do it. Here are the things I need to remember the most:

This is a LIFE change. This is how I will eat the rest of my life
I am worth taking care of. My body is a temple.
I CAN do this.
FORGET THE PAST. All that matters is right now, today.
Its not about DEPRIVATION. It's about MODERATION and portion control.
WHY DO THIS?
- For ME (sports, doing fun things, freedom, happiness, health etc)
- For MY CHILDREN & ADAM the love of my life
BE PATIENT!!!! It is going to come off slow. But it IS coming off.
Work hard. NEVER GIVE UP.
EVERY MOMENT COUNTS!

Miscellaneous

I think before I close this blog, I must give an update about Richie on X96. You may have noticed he hasn't been on the show for a while. He is actually going to clown college, so that's where he is if you have been missing him!

Nuriche LiVE & ReVIVE REVIEW

2009-07-03T12:16:00.001-07:00

This is a great product!!!!

CLICK HERE TO READ MY FULL (PUBLISHED) REVIEW

Diet Coke Quitting Again!

2009-07-01T14:52:00.001-07:00

Tuesday June 30:

Food Consumed Today:

(No exceptions, am following to a tee!)

Breakfast: 3 egg whites, 2 Kashi pancakes with raspberries & light coolwhip (such a yummy breakfast AND good for you. Sweet-am diet genious!)

Scoobie Snack: cherries & cottage cheese (yummy AND acceptable. See it isn't so hard to eat healthy and actually enjoy flavor!)

Lunch: 4 ounces chicken, green lettuce, 1 pepper, 1 roma tomato, dressing

Scoobie Snack: banana, fiber one bar, grapes

Dinner: turkey, peppers & onions, manwhich sauce

Light Snack:

Vitamins & Supplements:

3 revive pills AM

Live drink mix (foul tasting stuff seriously. Found out wonderful way to drink it is with Orange Juice.) AM

Water

LOTS!!!

I'M IN CONTROL!

But I almost wasn't! It took everything in me to not stop at one of the fattening breakfast places I've cheated at. Simply cannot do it anymore! Must wait for weekend cheat. Will not see success long-term unless I stick to it! I can do it!

DIET PEPSI

So yesterday I quit Diet Coke again? So do I break it if I have a Diet Pepsi? Ha ha, I know the answer to that sadly! I actually got a Diet Pepsi and put it on my desk. Two hours later I took it back to the fridge-it was still un-opened. Have to win the fight!

I Ain't Got No Manners!

11:31 AM. Eating morning snack of cherries. Yummy and delicious. Splurged last night. They are normally like 6 dollars a friggin' pound, but they were like 3 so I got some. Oh how more delicious they are than a boring apple or orange (actually oranges are divine-the smell alone. I just loathe peeling them lazy soul that I am).

But yeah, is there a proper way to eat cherries? Here I am at my desk, luckily no one can see, chowing down on these things and spitting out the pits into my hand? What is the proper etiquette for this? Do you get a cherry pitter? (Cuz I found out they have those on the kitchen gadget quiz I totally failed at yesterday on facebook)

Ha ha, suddenly I'm reminded of a quote "What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife". Anybody know that movie???? Oh my that movie!

6:30 PM . Am going to be very productive. Maybe write another article. Exercise. Do everything a girl should.

10 PM. Crap. Where did the time go? All I did productive was make dinner. Hate it when Adam has to work late poor dear. Damn Mafia and Vampire Wars!!!!

Well at least I haven't had diet coke wahoo!

The Stinking Truth

2009-06-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

Post a Trainer in the forums (Myspace) just said to me:

Holly, do you know how many calories are in a pound?

3500!!!!!!!! So really, losing A pound is a huge deal.

Losing 25 is AMAZING, and 60 overall? That's ginourmous!

It's the impatience that is going to kill you.

Why do we forget the success we have made? And we all do it. Why are we so impatient and so hard on ourselves? But yet, shouldn't we be a little or we won't make it.

Ugh. Ironic as I just write an article about this. Well I'm going to take my own advice and follow those steps because I know they work.

Acceptable Breakfasts

3 egg whites, oatmeal, fruit

kashi wheat waffles, fruit

3 egg whites, cereal, fruit

Snack One

Fruit, cottage cheese

Lunch

Salad, chicken, & veggies

Turkey sandwhich on wheat

Chicken, brown rice, veggies

Snack Two

Fruit, Fiber One Bar

Dinner

Chicken, veggies

Late Snack

Yogurt, fruit

Low calorie treat

Avoiding Common Drug Mistakes in Light of Michael Jackson’s Possible Drug Addictions

2009-06-26T22:56:00.001-07:00

Click here for new article!!!

I'm seriously going to miss Michael!!!!

Want more ENERGY & WEIGHT LOSS?

2009-06-26T13:43:00.001-07:00

Who doesn't!!!!

So I'm currently doing a review for some products by nuriche (energy pills & healthy vitamin drink) and I HAVE LOST 5

POUNDS IN 2 DAYS! I love this product so much I want everyone to try it!

At first I was skeptical big-time! I didn't even notice the effects fully until today but it is wonderful, not just weight loss but increase in energy, and who doesn't need that??

WANT MORE ENERGY & WEIGHT LOSS?

Go to www.mynuriche.com/holly and click on the link to get FREE SAMPLES!
You just pay shipping. If you like the product go back to www.mynuriche.com/holly & order the product! It's no scam (no membership fee, no automatic shipment without your knowledge), there is no obligation, you can stop being a member at any time. (You can even give people your website to order and make money just for sharing this product and wonderful website.)

Celebrity Deaths & Diet Update

2009-06-26T11:05:00.001-07:00

Nuriche Stuff

Ok so its day 3 on this product. I should say, Nuriche is the company actually. Their products are Live (a drink) and ReVIVE (energy pills) I'm so surprised how this has turned out……..

Day One: (Wednesday)

I didn't feel anything much today. I took 2 pills in the morning and 1 later in the day. I took the drink mix. Oh yuck its not that tasty!

Day Two: (Thursday)

I
took more pills today. Actually took a total of 6, which is the maximum amount. Still don't like the drink mix, but I can tolerate it. It has the vitamins from 5 fruits and veggies so I know its doing my body good. Luckily it doesn't smell like vitamins or I wouldn't be able to drink it at all. I'm not sure I'm going to give this a good review. My friend said she was bouncing off the walls on day 2 when she took 3 pills and I've done that twice today. I noticed a little bit but not much. So strange, but maybe it will take longer to get through to my system.

Day Three: (Friday-today)

Holy cow! What a difference a day makes. I weighed myself. On Wednesday morning I was 354. Today I'm 349. I'VE LOST 5 POUNDS!!!! Can you even believe that!!!!??? I'm seriously ecstatic! And at about 10 I got a SIGNIFICANT energy. I did NOT need a Diet Coke this morning. I LOVE THIS STUFF! If you want to try it out, go to www.mynuriche.com/holly to request a free sample.

Celebrity Deaths

I can't believe how many celebrities died yesterday. What in the world!

I wrote an article about the cancer that killed Farrah Fawcett.

No more Michael Jackson!!!!

Ok I know he may have been a freak to look at, and had some other "problems" but wow! What an impact he had on music. I don't think there is anyone that doesn't know his songs and know who he is.

I remember when I was in 5^th grade dancing in my room with the glove on while listening to the "tape" (yeah I'm showing my age) jamming to "Thriller" while staring at his posters. This was so long ago, you know back when Michael Jackson was still black! So I'm kind of sad about it!

Total Randomness

Soccer:

So on Wednesday we had soccer practice for the team I organized with work. Luckily another team had showed up to practice as well, so we had enough to have a real game pretty much. I still can't quite run on my leg, it was more like hobbling, but it gets better every day. ADAM PLAYED SOCCER!!!! I've been trying to get him to play forever! He was convinced he would hate it, but he actually really liked it! And holy cow he is a natural. I don't think anyone there could tell that he had never played before. I was dumbfounded. I kept saying to him "Are you sure you haven't played?" LOL. He is a total natural and I couldn't be more pleased. Its so much fun playing soccer with him! Its combining two of my loves! What can be better lol?

Randon Quotes

Adam singing this, while walking out of the room yesterday "I am stuck on Holly, and Holly's stuck on me"
X96 news: The Naked Fry Thief-This man was naked and stealing people's fries at the drive-in in Canada. No one could give a description of the man besides that he was naked. (lol, why is that? Cuz they weren't looking at his face????)

My Sister’s Keeper and my Mother’s Spirit

2009-06-24T10:42:00.001-07:00

HEALTHY LIVING

Latest Product I'm trying out:

So today I started on the Nuriche ReVIVE and Live products. One is a powder drink and the other is a capsule full of all kinds of vitamins etc. The powder has all the goodness of 30 fruits and 30 veggies. That may be true, but it was pretty yucky tasting. I think tomorrow morning I may try to mix it in the blender with ice and a banana. The pills are intended to be a replacement of caffeine, but is all natural. They claim it is CrashFree energy. I am so excited to try it! Two others have tried it and said they didn't feel anything until the 2^nd day, so I'm not worried that I haven't noticed anything as of yet after only a couple of hours. But I will really be putting this product to the ultimate test. I am always SO dragging all day long. I am tired not only in the afternoon, but in the morning, so if this works I will sing its praises forever!

My Experience So Far:

I took the pills and the drink at 9:17 AM this morning. I did feel a slight bit of energy about an hour later, but nothing to write home about! I still needed my Diet Coke. I will be interested to see if tomorrow or later things change at all.

Future Endeavors:

This afternoon I have a call with the GoWear Fit lady from BodyMedia. From what I have researched it is identical to the Bodybugg. So I think I will write up a review for the BodyBugg first, then do one for GoWear Fit and perhaps do a comparison review. I am excited for this one truly.

I also will be reviewing Jeremy's new training business and will most likely do that the month of August. So it has been so much fun! Last night I did an article for Corporate Games. I forwarded it to my work and am hoping that we sign up for it. So much fun if you have never tried it out. Send this link to your HR for full details! There are about 40 events to choose from and there is everything from soccer, baseball, to bowling. So there is something for everyone! Its such a great way to come together as a company and show your pride for the company and boost morale while promoting healthy living! Ok anyway blah blah blah.

I have so many other ideas in the future like the cardiac diet and maybe even the HCG that is one of the latest crazes.

MY SISTER'S KEEPER/MOTHER'S SPIRT

My Sister's Keeper:

(Click here to watch the trailer)

My friend Lisa the Winner is always finding great deals on things and movie tickets and such. She has this incredible knack for it. Anyway a bunch of us went to see My Sister's Keeper. Oh man seriously, this is why I wish I did movie reviews sometimes. I don't think any words could do this movie justice though. It was seriously incredible and moving. Cameron Diaz as the mother was incredible. I have never seen her act better. The two young girls in it our also amazing. If not for this movie, these 2 will be getting significant awards one day. Abigail Breslin is the sister's "keeper". She has already been in tons of films. You may remember her from "Signs" and "Little Miss Sunshine". A_M_A_Z_I_N_G! And then also Sofia Vassilieva is seriously incredible as the little girl with cancer. You may recognize her as the young woman from the tv show "Medium".

Its one of those movies where the acting, the writing, and the story is just so fantastic that you find yourself in a trance and get so swept up that you forget it's a movie! I'm not sure that I have ever cried so much my entire life, so be prepared for that. Don't wear eyeliner and stuff your purse with tissues!

I don't know anyone personally who has gone through cancer, but I really felt the realness of the situation. It breaks your heart as you see the happy moment's of this girl's life but then when she is throwing up or bleeding from her nose. I have never had a movie tug at the heart-strings quite as this movie did.

Mother's Spirit:

As I was driving home from the movie I just had this indescribable experience. I kept thinking of the dedication of the mother in the movie, and it reminded me of my own mother who died when I was 14. I have only felt my mother at certain occasions and not very frequently, so I live for these moments.

I just felt this overwhelming impression of things she wanted to say to me. I never heard a voice or anything, but I felt so close to her, it was incredible.

I felt how proud she is of me and understands the mistakes I've made. I know she loves Adam and has had a hand in all of our lives, me and my sister's. I just felt so strongly her love and affection and pride in us, even though we have been far from perfect.

I know she watches over us and helps from the other side honestly. I felt like she was warning me in a sense as well to enjoy life and not stress so much. I think I have a lot of things in common with her.

I just felt he love and approval in a way I have needed for so long. It was an incredible experience to say the least.

Having fun writing!

2009-06-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

I'm so obsessed with writing my articles now. It is seriously so much fun! My focus is Healthy Living, and well that is a pretty broad topic, so I feel like I can write about anything.

I would love to write more humor pieces, but they have all these rules about writing in 3^rd person etc. But I will find a way!

My articles so far:

Future article ideas:

Bodybugg review
GoWear fit review
Cardiac diet review
Slim Fast review
Nuriche review
Reviews on exercise videos

LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE!!!!

Monday-June 22nd, 2009

2009-06-23T09:30:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Laurie!!!! I just love my little sis. She seems to be having a wonderful day and she SO deserves it!

WEEKEND UPDATE

Friday:

How does Friday night just seems to literally fly by? I always seem to be extremely tired that night. We had some major shopping to do for father's day presents, and then afterwards dragged Adam to go shopping @ Walmart and Shopko. Poor man seriously LOATHES shopping. But honestly so do I! The only way I could imagine I would actually enjoy shopping is if I was fit and wealthy. If I had an unlimited supply of money, then shopping would ROCK.

I can't believe what I got for Adam's father, Brad. We laughed about it all night and I couldn't even keep the secret and had to tell his mom (Val) who was in stitches when she heard about it on Saturday.

Saturday:

We started out the day right by going to the gym. Honestly it felt so great to be there and I could actually go at a decent speed, despite my leg. Although I can't quite run on it yet, it feels better every single day.

After the gym we headed to Kael's Spiderman birthday party. Kael is Adam's cousin, the son of Aunt Cathi who set us up. (Totally love her!)

Then it was cheat time. We were going to try to be a little better than last time, but it ended up just as bad, if not worse. We ordered Papa Johns and had donuts. Yummalicious!

Sunday:

Sadly Sunday ended up being like an all-day cheat as well with it being Father's Day. We spent all day with family. Kim and I helped with breakfast for Adam's dad. Afterwards he opened presents and laughed and was shocked to see what Adam and I got him. Background: So a few weeks ago we watched part of a comedian's act with Brad and Val. The guy sings this highly inappropriate song called 'Titties and Beer'. They always laugh at how embarrassed I get. So Brad teased me that he was going to sing it at my wedding. I told him over my dead body, and only if he wanted to see some-one of which would be my poor Grandma. She would not recover from such a shock. So Adam and I had no idea what to get Brad for father's day. I mentioned that we know he likes titties and beer. Adam said we could NOT get him that. But the wheels in my head started spinning.

Friday night I walked into Spencer's. I went to checkout and the lady said "oh is this just for fun, a birthday, or special occasion?" (This being boobie gummies, a shot glass, and a boob beer cover). I smile and said "Oh its for father's day. For my future father-in-law". She just laughed and laughed so I told her the story. She stopped and said there was something I must see. I was intrigued and followed her to a "trophy rack" with boobies on it. She pressed the button and that horrible "titties and beer" song began to play while the boobs danced. Did I think "Oh how inappropriate?" and walk away shocked? You know I grabbed it and was done with his present. So hilarious. But I have to say, if you are going to get this huge gift, ask for a couple of bags, because the bags are kind of see-through and you can see the boobs at the top, so just imagine the looks as I'm walking across the mall. Lol.

It was priceless. I have no idea where he will put it and I had warned Val prior to it. I'm so inappropriate but it was so funny and we all couldn't stop laughing. (hmmm whats that Billy Joel line 'I'd rather laugh with the sinners than sing with the saints' or something)

After that we went to Sugarhouse Park for my family's party. I gave dad a big trophy MUG (not rack) that was full of cherries. No boobies involved. That gift is not so appropriate in my family lol.

We had so much fun. We played soccer, volleyball, and dodgeball and ate lots of yummy chicken and cake for dad and Laurie's birthday.

Afterwards, Adam and I went to see my Grandma. She is moving today actually. We took some pictures and had a good visit. I was really sad on the way home. Never realized how lucky I was in always having a grandmother close. Ashamedly, I so took it for granted. I was sad that she didn't get to see the kids too. But she moved to Vegas, not another planet. I know I will see her again, but I will really miss her!

Yesterday (Friday, June 19, 2009)

2009-06-20T16:53:00.001-07:00

Ok so I'm TOTALLY obsessed with my articles. So I've been doing the acai berry detox product. It is totally a scam. Didn't really see much results from it. But my complaint is that THEY CHARNGED ME TWICE!!!! It was a 2 week trial-free scam thing. Then they charged the $87.13 charge TWICE! I have called and cancelled a zillion times. I'm finally seeing they refunded the charge yesterday. But every time I called I would be on hold for 20 minutes and no one speaks English.

I was LIVID. Spent hours researching the company and there are hundreds of complaints about them. So I wrote an article about them and published it. Told people how to tell if a company is a scam and how to tell the real acai products that are good. CLICK HERE to read my article (or read link below)

http://www.examiner.com/x-14034-SLC-Healthy-Living-Examiner

(Thursday, June 18, 2009)

2009-06-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

Wow its Thursday already. I’m excited for Bonko tonight!
So I’ve been so obsessed with my article! Its been on for a couple of days and has been reviewed about 400 times which is pretty cool. I got some really good ideas from Lisa and Linzi last night. There is a new nuriche Revive energy pills kind of thing that I think I may try. I wonder if the distributor lady would give me 2 weeks worth free as I will have a link to her web page etc or her # or something. Time to get creative!

Lisa is so sweet! She told me that I should one day publish my blog…….that would be fun, but I’m not sure its really that interesting lol. I mean I love to write it, but I have no life. It can’t be that exciting lol.

I would seriously love to write for a newspaper or a magazine and be a columnist. I just have always loved to write! So I’m really wanting to make these articles really really good. I’ve got to constantly be thinking about the next articles. I think I’m going to review a bunch of different diet, weight loss methods etc and hopefully give the public some help or heads up about certain products and lose weight myself in the meantime. I always do good for like a month and then get bored, so honesty what better than to do a different diet each 2 weeks or each month!

X96
So funny, X96 has posted the June 19th show in the 6 AM hour today. That’s pretty amazing. They are so on top of things! I can’t believe they have actually posted tomorrow’s show, before it has even occurred! I’m impressed. Those new interns are so on top of things!

Whoa!!!! News-this just in: David Archuletta’s father is a sleaze. He was the most pushy and obnoxious stage-mother ever on American Idol. Perhaps that is why it is so satisfying to learn that recently in Midvale he got busted for soliciting a prostitute! It happened during a police raid and allegedly his lawyer says he went there for some back problems. Ha ha, the masseuse was in lace underwear! No sexual contact he says. When asked if he received sexual contact he didn’t say no or its not your business. He said “uh, huh. Yeah.”

Gina “Maybe there was evidence.”

Bill “What kind of evidence Gina?”

10:30 PM. At home. Oh its nice to be with my honey tonight. I missed him, but oh bonko was so fun tonight. I mean it always is! Tonight we were goofy and there wasn’t even booze this time! It got especially crazy when I was on a table with Rachel, ChrisCynthia (her name is actually Cynthia and I seriously love her. She is sarcastic and makes jokes like me that are cheesy. She rocks. And she is making our cake!) and Cathi. They kept putting the monkey in their cleavages and we were laughing about the naughty monkey.

(Wednesday, June 17,2009)

2009-06-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

Ok so I really did mean to keep track of all of the food I ate and I so didn’t! I started back on Diet Coke sheesh.

I WAS TOTALLY ON THE RADIO! THEY DID PLAY MY CALL!

(I’ll post it again in case you didn’t read it yesterday)
"Hi its Holly. You may remember me as the former chubby intern that did absoluetely nothing for you....anyway the weirdest thing I've had is lengua, or cow tonue and I don't recommend it. There are much more enjoyable ways to have a tongue in your mouth. Oh, and I know I'm late on the cumcuat thing but I just wanted to comment as chubby girls know food. Dont' feel bad gina, I have never had a cumcuat, I have never seen it. I don't even know how to spell it. But if it comes deep fried or covered in chocolcate I may be tempted......ps I love this new poll thing. Let me know if you don't need any help with it."

(Don’t I think I’m quite funny? Lolz)

So they played it in the middle of several other messages, but besides the message from Chad (who seriously has some anger issues and I ought to punch for being mean to my girl Gina)who ate Gina, they laughed the most at mine. Gina said “I really liked that” and they laughed at all the appropriate places.

I love those guys! I had actually emailed the link to my article to Richie (the producer) and we had a nice email conversation. He said he loved the article and my message and said they miss me and that if they could do anything for me to let them know. Hmmmm, time to get creative seriously. If I could do some kind of humorous writing on their website or something, maybe they would let me post my link to my articles. Kind of a trade if you will.

Which by the way, so haven’t heard back from former trainer Jeremy about my idea for me to write an article/review on his new business where I could link to his page and he gives me free training. I think this is a great idea!

Holy crap Chad is still talking! He left the longest message in the world. My favorite part is “……..and Gina I really do like you……so that is why I’m telling you this as a friend, there is NO way you could be able to climb out of the Grand Canyon.”

So my friend Travis (played soccer with him for years) wanted me to set him up with somebody, so I sent Amy (from work) his picture and each of their information to eachother and he is going to call her. Being a matchmaker is pretty fun lol.

X96

“Keep your children away from David Letterman’s mouth. He will rape them verbally………mother take care of your children, they could be next!” (come on people, get over David Letterman's comments about Sara Palin's daughter. It wasn't that big of a deal)

Oh wow, Bill is trying to get an honorary degree from a beauty school and they are letting him but he has to do some girl’s makeup. That would be hilarious to see. You have to know this guy. I will actually post his pic. I love Bill, and he is incredibly intelligent, but he is not a pretty man. So its just hilarious to me!

Gina-“You didn’t even wash your hands”

Bill-“Yes I did, just a few minutes ago after I POOPED” sheesh

“Bill you have a future as a mortician”

10:30 PM. At home. Stayed at Lisa’s way too long, but we just couldn’t stop talking. I just love her. Linzi was there for a long time too which was awesome. We attempted to watch So You Think You Can Dance but we ended up talking most the time, which I’m totally fine with because its my favorite thing to do lol! I love those two. We caught up and we talked about our families etc and my new writing opportunity. It was nice catching up. Made me realize I don’t spend enough time with those ladies!

(Tuesday, June 16, 2009)

2009-06-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

X96

So they were doing a quiz about cumcuats (spelling?) and started a new poll about what strange food you’ve had. You can call their hotline and they may play your message on the air. So I just left them a message saying the following:

"Hi its Holly. You may remember me as the former chubby intern that did absoluetely nothing for you....anyway the weirdest thing I've had is lengua, or cow tonue and I don't recommend it. There are much more enjoyable ways to have a tongue in your mouth. Oh, and I know I'm late on the cumcuat thing but I just wanted to comment as chubby girls know food. Dont' feel bad gina, I have never had a cumcuat, I have never seen it. I don't even know how to spell it. But if it comes deep fried or covered in chocolcate I may be tempted......ps I love this new poll thing. Let me know if you don't need any help with it ."

(so who knows, they may put me on the radio again)

“So the trivia of the day is what strange fruit do I want to try?” (Bill)

“And the answer is not Richard Simmons or Rick Taylor” (Kerry)

“He shaves right before the lovin” Bill

"There is no lovin on Monday and Tuesdays"

“Now I’m not gonna be able to look at you when you are clean shaven”

“You have that planned out?”

“Yeah there is nothing good on tv on Wednesdays?”

They have it planned out like that like its routine??? Hmmm, actually I bet more couples than I realize do that. Seems like its not romantic etc, but maybe its just to make sure you get that bonding time in lol

Monday Fun Day

2009-06-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

(Monday, June 15, 2009)

The Meal Plan:

Breakfast: 2 Kashi Waffles, 6 strawberries, 1 banana (followed it and YUM. NO egg whites today)
Snack: 1 cup cottage cheese, Fiber One Bar, banana (followed exactly and was not hungry)
Lunch: 3 turkey roll-ups, edamame beans, 1 cup cantaloupe (OMG I love variety!!!!)
Snack: apple, 2 tb. Peanut butter, cheese stick (again I followed and yes it was yummy)
Dinner: 4 ounces chicken, 1 ½ cups mixed veggies
Snack: Skinny cow frozen treat
Additions:
2 Swedish fish (yes I know. Its like I’m 5 years old some days-you don't even know. Ask my sister's what I have warned them I'm going to get when I'm at a better weight! Those shoes with wheels built in like roller skates. I'm SO getting those one day!!!!)

Morning Radio:

X96:

“I see the usual gang of misfits and dope addicts are here.”
(love their opener)

(Bill) “I know there are going to be out there curious about how the hiking trip went.”

“Yeah, we want to hear how you ‘bonded’. That’s what I’m looking forward to.”

“And there are many interesting stories. ……….overall it was an even more incredible experience than I could have ever thought it would be………the only thing that maybe was a negative is that it should have been one day longer……………………………there is nudity coming up”

(Kerry) “I knew it!” I knew Bill and Steadman could not be together……and there NOT be nudity!”

“Do you want to see my blisters?”

(I have to admit, I have no life! I’m totally dying to know how the hike went! Did Bill get wet?)

“I don’t mean any disrespect with this story………….lightning struck the temple!.........Its the highest point around…………people are gonna make jokes about this………..I hereby swear we will not make jokes..” (Ochre Mountain temple)

(the temple was struck, and the angel Moroni? I can’t make a joke about that. It seems so wrong and is no sign of anything. I will not laugh. Purely coincidence)

(Richie) “Like God is mad at that temple?”
(Bill) “Yeah, you are gonna hear that….and I guess you just shrug it off, right.”
(Richie) “No, I think the people in that area should repent.”

(Ok I laughed. That WAS funny)

(Kerry)“I thought those rods where like chocolate wrapped in foil, so I thought maybe it melted.”
(Bill) “It would be interesting to know what those really are made of…………there are always rumors about the Angel Moroni downtown that it was taken down to refurbish it and they found bullet holes. Is that true or an urban legend? Could you find out about that Richie”

Later……..
“Megan Fox doesn’t need to wear a bra Gina.”
“I hate Megan Fox.”
“Maybe you should stop wearing a bra.”
“That is not a good idea. The only way you could tell if it was raining is if you were standing directly below me.”

(sad that I know exactly what she is talking about. Stupid gravity)

(Kerry)“I have something that will make you feel better Gina. Look at this picture…………she has toe thumb.”
(Bill)” Oh, I never realized Megan Fox had thumbs.”
Gina-“I knew there was something ugly about her.”
Kerri-“She has toe thumbs.”
Gina-“Good. I knew it.”
Kerry-“Feel better?"
Gina-“Yes”

Bill-“Ok I’m gonna tell the nudity story but another story first………..I saw this Indian guy and asked him if it was gonna rain. He looked up in the sky and said ‘I dunno’.”

(lmao, was he expecting him to do a rain dance or something. You can seriously offend people)

“So after we have swam in the pool Richie tells us that he is going to jump off the cliff behind the waterfall into the pool naked…………it was because Saturday was his birthday. The present I gave him was apparently not enough.”
“You gave him a present”
“…….I saw these friendship bracelets…..”
“aww you guys are friends………that’s cute”
“It means we’re friends until the bracelet breaks” (Richie)
“Ooops there went mine………..yeah so no one dares him to do this or anything….and he did it.
“Did he yell………..I’m naked!!!!???”
“No, I was trying to be kind of discreet about it.”
“You can’t see anything behind the waterfall……….then we see Richie just naked, buck naked,climbing up the rocks and then he got there and full frontal and then he jumped…..there were probably about 20 people…….maybe 2 or 3 looked up and saw it……….most people were not aware that it happened but Richie had to mark the day”
“Did he at anytime say shut up the water it was cold” Kari
“It was obvious that the water was cold. Them boys crawled all the way up to his navel.” Bill
“Ed Brass has weighed in and texted did you know this is a class a misdemeanor”

(LMAO. Oh Richie is hilarious! I met this guy, and he is crazy and fun)

2:30 PM. Work. Am really focusing today. Did major assessment this morning and specific plan for what I would be eating. Only grabbed ONE fiber one bar. Then I put it all in the bodybugg and figured I could change if necessary, but the plan is NOT to change it and stick to the plan.
And it’s a lot. Its 2000 calories, but I will stick to it. It is definitely enough so that I’m not hungry. And that is my goal is to eat healthy, but to eat enough that I’m not hungry. If I honestly get hungry then I’m gonna cheat. I’m going to go eat popcorn that work provides. Its just logical. I can still lose and eat that much and as I lose more I will eat less. I’m also still doing the Acai berry pills.

10 PM. Home. I did bloody awesome today! I ate what I was supposed to, and stuck to my plan. Very proud. Except that we were both too tired to go to the gym. At least I did some of the working out workout and did go on several walks today. I got my 10,000 steps, but my goal is 15,000.

LAST Weekend

2009-06-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

The WEEKEND Report

Saturday Cheat: Oh the Saturday night cheat. Always look so forward to it! And always think this is probably a bad thing. Adam says I have to actually earn next week’s cheat, which is very wise of him to say. And he is right!

This past week was a bad example, but typically its that cheat that holds me together. Its what helps me say no to all the bad food waved in front of my face all week long. (Except this particular week it seemed to actually make its way down the hatch). The theory is that I won’t cheat during the week and can stick to my diet all week long if I can have one meal on the weekend where there are no rules. And honestly for me, it mostly works!

I could literally write a sonnet about some of our cheats. Sometimes it ends up disappointing, and quite often with a terrible upset stomach, but sadly it is one of the highlights of the week.

There I said it. I’m just going to admit it. Food is delicious. And if I were to admit it, I would eat rich and fatty foods all day long if there were no consequences. I read somewhere recently that there has to come a time when your health is more important than the instant gratification received from that food. That is so very true! But not on cheat nights. On that night I can eat what I WANT, selfish creature that I am.

So we went to Red Robin. We really overdid it and enjoyed every single moment. The Strawberry lemonade there is so delicious (and expensive). We had the towering onion rings to start and then each enjoyed a glorious burger! This was real hamburger, not turkey, not without the bun. Real meat (lol) with all the fixins and bacon and cheese. And of course I had my weekly diet coke. Yummy! Their steak fries are so incredible. Felt very satisfied and ate it slow to really savor and enjoy each bite. Oh how I wish you could eat like this every meal lol (and apparently I have for several years lol)! Pathetic, but just being honest.

Later that night we had the icing on the cake. A dessert. I can’t tell you, there is nothing better than something sweet. Ended up getting the Phish Food Ben and Jerry’s. Oh my! It has fudge fishies in it that melt in your mouth and has marshmellow and caramel in chocolate ice cream. Devishly decadent is the only way to describe it. Adam couldn’t even eat it as it was so rich. We both ended up so sick obviously!

Please forgive me catholics for continuing to bring up your religion that I know hardly anything about, but I keep imaging that if I were catholic, I know exactly which one of the 7 deadly sins I would have to repent of at EVERY confession. And that is of G-L-U-T-T-O-N-Y. Did you know that gluttony is derived from the Latin word gluttire, meaning to gulp down or swallow. Its basically the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. No self control honestly! But on Saturday nights I refuse to feel bad about it!

The leg situation: Thank you to my lovely sister Jen for giving me a gift certificate to Bed Bath & Beyond! I went and got this heavy duty massager. I’ve been using it all weekend. Feels so horrible (seriously when I use it on my calf muscle I almost want to cry), but I know it has to be good for me. Need to work on all my aching muscles. Good grief, my poor body. This is a heavy burden indeed to carry about all day.

This morning I actually did 20 minutes of the walking video. Although steps are still a challenge and my leg hurts really bad still, I am happy to say I am not limping! Hopefully my leg will be ready for soccer on July 1st when soccer starts again. I’ve seriously got to be so careful! Tonight I think I’m ready for the treadmill. It will be slow, but that’s okay. I’ve decided that being in 9th place in the steps program is okay and could not be helped considering my leg injury. I’m content and happy. All you can do is make the most of things, right?

Friday, June 12, 2009

2009-06-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

Food consumed today:

3 boring egg whites
1 cup extremely dull cottage cheese
2 fiber one bar
Turkey sandwhich on wheat
Several tic tacs
Tootsie roll (let me see your tootsie roll-rap song you really should look up if you haven't heard!)
Orange
Cheese stick

I really must rethink diet situation. So bored just thinking about that same boring food over and over. Plus, I keep forgetting to write down the last half of what I eat. Eek!

Morning Radio:

ZHT:

Topic: “Have you ever gotten a tattoo when you were really young that you really regret now?”
Oh this should be fun!

“When I was 14, I got a fake ID and went and got the word Pimp tattooed on my chest. I was walking around the next day at school with my shirt off thinking how cool I was when I’m really a total idiot.”

“when I was 14 a bunch of us went to get tattoos. My friends actually got cool tattoos. I got one that was in a book there that at the time I thought was seriously cool. Its an eyeball with a tongue coming out of it and with tentacles. I can send you a picture but you won’t even know what it is.”

Sheesh, remind me to lock up my 14 year olds once I have them!

IM Conversation with Adam:

“Don’t forget Adam, I’m doing laundry tonight”

“But its gym night!”

“Yes AND laundry night. What fun!”

“Should I get a second wife that just cleans and cooks for us and we can call her Thunder Cat?”

“Yes, but only if she is really old, ugly, good at cleaning, and you are never allowed to touch her”

“Ok. Lol”

Friday night: Laundry can be so exciting! Ok not really, but honestly tonight has been so enjoyable! Just doing nothing is glorious! And I can’t wait for tomorrow’s cheat meal. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow! (as always, its all about Annie)

Acai Berry Detox is a SCAM!!!!!

2009-06-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

I just published a review on the acai berry detox product. This is a total scam! They charged me before the 2 week "free" trial was over and then charged me double $87.13 and other unauthorized charges so I have been charged over 200 dollars!

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http://www.examiner.com/x-14034-SLC-Healthy-Living-Examiner

NEED FATHER'S DAY GIFT IDEAS????

2009-06-19T10:56:00.001-07:00

CLICK THIS LINK FOR IDEAS:

http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-14034-Salt-Lake-City-Healthy-Living-Examiner~y2009m6d19-Fruit-baskets--a-healthy-Fathers-Day-gift

READ MY PUBLISHED ARTICLES!!!!

2009-06-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is shamelesss self-advertising, but read my published health articles!!!!

CLICK THIS LINK BELOW:

http://www.examiner.com/x-14034-SLC-Healthy-Living-Examiner

SUBSCRIBE TO EMAIL TO GET NOTIFIED WHEN I HAVE NEW ARTICLE (CAN ALSO ADD AS FAVORITE):

THEN YOU CAN READ MY ARTICLE BY CLICKING KEEP READING:

I'M A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!!

2009-06-16T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know this is hard to believe, but I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!
READ MY ARTICLES!!! (CLICK BELOW LINK)

Its nearly Friday!!!!

2009-06-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dear Diary......

Things I consumed today:
3 eggs whites (as usual blah) with a little salsa
Oatmeal
2 frescas
12 ounces water
10 ounces orange juice
2 Fiber One bars
2 caramels
1 cheesestick
1 ½ cups edamame beans
1 ½ cups Spanish rice & turkey with tomatoes
2 small donuts
Subway sandwich

X96 Radio
Ask a World War II Vet Segment
Keith Davis, World War II Vet, Private 1st class, 84 years old
Wow this was really interesting. Listening to this man really makes me think of my grandfather and the war experiences he used to tell us about. Some of the more interesting comments/questions:
• “I was 18 years old….”
• “Real war is nothing like the movies that glamorizes everthing………its horrible…..”
• “What was the toughest things you had to do in the war?”
“Fighting in the cold was horrible”
“How cold did it get.”
“Sometimes your feet would freeze. Some people lost their limbs. A lot of solders froze to death.”
• “We were pretty well fed……but during one battle we didn’t have rations for 3 days and I showed the guys how to dig up eat sugar beets from the frozen ground.”

Yeah seriously we are so spoiled. Most of us will never experience anything like that.

10 PM. Aww the quiet. JK! Tonight was so much fun though. Babysat Max and Hailey. We had so much fun! We all got tattoos! Hailey’s hair looked little little orphan Annie. So adorable! Jen came over with her new puppy and a good time was had by all.
The kids even worked out with me!

Terrible TERRIBLE Tuesday

2009-06-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Dear Diary...

Food I consumed:
(Oh right. Whole point of this was to actually right down the food you eat moron, not just to vent and try and probably fail greatly at trying to be oh so funny & clever)

2:30 PM. Aww just waking up. The best part about staying home from work is the sleeping part. Seriously sometimes I feel like I could sleep for days! After calling in I went back to bed and slept until now. Have to say I feel much improved.

4:30 PM. Its been a very “productive” (ha ha) afternoon. I think I’ve now taken all facebook quizzes. And then myspace forums. Very important stuff! Seriously funny place to be. There are some seriously messed up people on there. If you need to feel better about yourself, it can be highly enjoyable. Its kind of like a chat room, but its actually a forum. I hang out in the health and fitness and the relationship forum. I’ve been on there for about 3 years every now and then, so I have some “cyber” buddies from way back lolz. They know me as Holz. I can’t really say way, but I really do quite enjoy going on there from time to time. Helps me relax and gives me time to be goofy and write. Excellent way to relax.

Wow I’m feeling so much better. Was not going to go to soccer, I mean its supposed to rain. Oh it won’t rain on me. Not tonight. I have a good feeling. I think I’ll just pick up around the room. Can’t believe how refreshed I feel. And my leg hasn’t felt this good in ages!

Strange, can’t get a hold of Adam all day. Oh silly man, he is so bad at having his phone at the ready, its not quite his lifeline as it is to some of us. No matter, I know he loves me and is just busy. How could I be mad at him!

What could be more fun than going to play soccer right now! Life really can be glorious! .................

6:30 PM. I hate my horrible life.....The tide has turned miserably! Am horribly tear-stained with bright red eyes and looking like drowned rat driving to the urgent care center. Can’t get a hold of bloody fiancé! I suppose it doesn’t matter to him the state I’m in! After 3 minutes of playing something in my bad leg “popped” or something and I was out of the game. Now I can barely walk. Something is up.
7:10 PM. Am now in waiting room. Everyone is staring as the chubby girl limps over to a chair. Doesn’t help that I have to wear a bloody mask because of the stupid swine flu scare. (May as well be in a pink and polka-dot jumpsuit or something and be displayed in the circus.) Uggh, Hate coming here alone and without a book. I’m a mess. Actually gave the lady Adam’s insurance card instead of mine, not sure what I told her what my problem is, there are far too many to list!
Tick tock. Why hasn’t he called? I know he has the trainer, but isn’t it at 7:30. You’d think he’d call to check on his sick fiancée. He must not really care for me. Yes that’s it. I mean I go with him to the instacare when he is sick. I could be dead on the road for all he knows. (Now I know this is not true, but at the time I don’t know what was going through my thick head)

7:45 PM. Lady takes my temperature and asks me whats wrong. Well headache, cramps from hell, can’t bloody walk, have lost voice, throat hurts, am wheezing, and am total wreck who really needs her fiancée. (Sheesh I’m dramatic, but thankfully I did NOT say that)

8:20 PM. X-ray lady from hell. So I hobble into her cave and she looks me up and down and with a disapproving glance says:
“I’m sorry I need to ask you how much you weigh”
“Uh, excuse me. Why do you need to know that?”
(surely she has seen someone as big as me in her life. I mean they have circuses)
“Well, I need to ask if you are over 300 pounds. I don’t want my x-ray table to be broken”
(Oh no she didn’t)
I just stared in disbelief.
(Did she really just say that or am I overdramatizing things as I normally do)
“Oh I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right. But are you over 300 pounds.”
“Yes.”
“How much over 300?”
Oh wow. This is awkward. There may be a murder tonight-ha ha jk . Well at least there is medical assistance nearby. I silently count to ten and as kindly as possible say while glaring at her.
“I weigh 347”
“Oh, yes that is over the limit. I’m sorry but I can’t risk you breaking my table.”
I stopped myself from saying “Lady, at the moment you risk me breaking a LOT more than your damn table.”

9:05 PM. In car at Harmons. Waiting until I stop crying enough to go in and get prescriptions. Although nothing is actually wrong with me really. Viral infection, so that means they can do nothing for you. Leg is not broken, just a muscle sprain. Adam calls and I’m so depressed and full of emotion I can’t even talk. I bloody hang up on him as I fear yelling and getting in a big argument on the phone. Why am I such a child?

11:00 PM. Going to bed now. Adam felt bad he didn’t check up on me and felt bad for how the evening was for me. I felt like an idiot for overeacting. But all is good. I love him so much and he loves me too. Thank heaven for Adam. He is not scared away. Yes he should have checked up on me, but I should not have freaked out so much and assumed the worst. I am such an idiot and a baby (stupid Aunt Flo)......but I did make him promise to be better about his phone when I'm pregnant one day!

Another MANIC Monday

2009-06-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

Monday, June 08, 2009
Dear Freakin' Diary!!!!
Morning Radio:

X96:
Nothing too exciting going on today. (So much more fun when they make fun of people or something....oops did I write that out loud?) Apparently Bill and Richie have not yet gone on big hiking trip. Still should be very interesting. Bill with a bunch or mormons. Bill is bringing his whiskey to boot. Kerry is still thinking there will be an attempt to baptize Bill.
“Mark my words Bill. You know Richie will have a fireside prepared for you”

I guess they got chastised from a therapist for last Friday’s “Painful Circle” segment, which now I remember. The 3 of them were giving people advice on their relationships, which I found amusing and strange. Who would listen to those 3 about relationships seriously? They are certainly not qualified, but I guess if you are dumb enough to call then its your own fault for taking their advice?

ZHT 94.9:
Repeat actually. People calling and texting their relationship questions to an actual therapist (oh qualified professionals! imagine that. Perhaps someone should give his number to Bill.)

“This one is interesting. She wants to know what to do. Her husband has not actually had sex, but having some kind of a relationship with 3 different women. One he is sending nude pics to, another having phone sex with, another kissing at a lunch date. She says he swears he is no longer doing it but now he has new email addresses and a new phone. What should she do?”

Are people really this clueless? (Thankfully they are or what would we laugh at) Honestly, do you need a therapist to know what to do in that case? Is it really a tough one?

“My fiancee does not like my new friend. What should I do.”

They actually all agree that the finacee trumps over a new friend and he should ditch his friend. Women know when guys are creepy and you should really listen to them. Wow so impressed that the morning crew all agrees (2 of which are men).
Last text is a gay guy stating his partner is jealous when he has any friends. Therapist explains that their culture is different and if you go out as a couple, some gay guys will figure you are fair game. Sounds like a judgement on gay guys, but seriously it is true. More of them have open relationships than others do, which must make it a bitch for those who want to be exclusive. Poor gay guys. I’m so glad I’m not one. (Oh wait, I guess I sort of am a gay guy if I like men, right?)

12 PM. Work. Ever have one of those days where you should have just ignore the alarm, pulled the blanket over your head and just slept???
Well today is one of THOSE days. I know I sound like the worst complainer in the world, but I seriously just want my mommy. Lol. Or maybe just Adam or valium and a fluffy pillow.

I am a Gemini, and today, Molly, my evil twin is definitely in the building. I blame her for everything! She was moaning all morning about how her throat hurts worse and her nose is now running and she feels worse than she did yesterday. Blah blah blah. Honestly, she better not scare Adam off. Actually he has met Molly and does accept her. He loves me anyway and says those are just my “high maintenance” moments and that everyone has their things.

Seriously love that man. He knows me better than I know myself. I hate how he always knows when something is wrong. Sometimes I’d just like to hide it and not burden him with it every single time, especially since I know my personality and usually I will be fine in five minutes. Usually anyway lol. Sometimes not. But he always knows it. I can’t hide it from him. He just looks at me and holds me close and asks whats wrong. Even if I’ve just been a total brat or something. Honestly who is that patient seriously? He is amazing. I’m working on not being such a stress-case all the time.

How is it men are so even-steven all the time. The only time I hear him get upset is when we are driving, seriously has road-rage. But actually neither of us has yelled at eachother. We’ve definitely argued a little and had moments of being grouchy-even him But definitely more so from me than him. Well that’s what love is I suppose. Where you take the good and the bad.
Sheesh didn’t mean to go all “I love Adam” all over the place, just really appreciate it him is all. Not used to having someone in my life, even though we have been together now for over a year. Just never thought it would happen to me. So very grateful that it did!
He just told me no problem to not go to family night with his family tonight. I told him he could still go and he said no because he wants to take care of me. Shit I better stop writing how wonderful he is, someone will steal him away! Especially if they saw his lovely muscular legs-mmm they are very nice. (Almost didn’t let him take off the soccer shorts he bought the other day lol)
Oh I almost forgot! I started the Acai Berry Detox thing today. I remember reading on it and doing research, and I now I can’t remember a bloody thing about it. Anyway you know some weight loss thing they’ve talked about on Oprah and wherever. These pills usually do nothing for me and make me sick, but so far so good. I’ll try anything. There was a special where it was only the price of shipping. I’m willing to give it a go and will research more later.

Shiskabob Sunday!

2009-06-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 07, 2009
Dear Diary........
Food Consumed Today:
3 egg whites
Oatmeal
Banana
2 Fiber One Bars
Subway Sandwhich
Veggies
Small piece of cake
Chicken & veggie shiskabobs
Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich
Blow pop

2:00 PM. Baptist church. Ugh. Am so bloody sick today. Thought I would be getting better instead of worse! I love Adam’s family, but seriously did NOT want to come to this engagement party. Just want to sleep forever! Stupid cold. Am such a complainer seriously!

3:30 PM. Poor Adam having to deal with me when I’m sick and all annoying. (Well you know MORE annoying than normal). I’m so glad we went to the party. Family is so important. But I’m so glad its nap time now. Really need to rest to get rid of this cold.

6:30 PM. Awwww sleeping was so wonderful. I actually do feel SLIGHTLY better. Stupid gunky throat!

7:45 PM. Grilled shiskabobs. Mmmm, I prepared them and Adam cooked them. We are all smiles.

(There should really be more food on sticks. Bloody brilliant idea!)

Adam is so adorable. He just installed an app to learn Japanese and has totally been researching it all day and night. I totally don’t deserve him. He is just well amazing!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

2009-06-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary:
Things I ate today:
3 egg whites
Granola & milk
Banana
Fiber One bar
Banana
Chicken croissant sandwhich
Veggies
Fruit
Cheesecake
Nachos (I feel cheated by this cheat. Was not the nachos I thought I was getting. Can I get a refund?)
¾ hamburger (Ok now this was actually good)
Iceburg shake (always a classic)

9 AM. Bloody alarm. Oh wait. I don’t have to get up now. Adam only does because he has the trainer. I can sleep until 10:20 if I want. But I should go put the last load of clothes in the dryer real quick.

9:30 AM. Stupid aching leg. May as well get my ass up. We don’t want to be late to the wedding and I’ve got oodles of laundry to fold, exercising, and also squishing into slimming garments which will be a real ordeal I’m sure.

10:20 AM. Laundry folded. Check mark! Bedroom is clean. (too bad it will only last for 5 minutes)

12:05 PM. Working out done wahoo! I actually did the Chalean Extreme weights workout and the walking workout video. Yeah me! And my leg wasn’t hurting too horribly. Actually felt really good. I’m actually doing something right for once! Mark it down people!
I’ve been so horribly lazy lately missing my workouts. Think biggest loser. If they can work out all day, I ought to be able to for a couple of hours anyway. Think babies and fitting in that wedding dress!!!

12:10 PM. Shaving. Nothing more annoying in the world. I mean if God wanted women’s legs smooth, well than he should have made them that way! Or is this more of the torture we have to endure because Eve was beguiled by the evil serpent, the evil serpent who was male. You see, we women really can blame everything on a man.

1:55 PM. Blast, we are just barely arriving at the wedding. Had this vision that we would be 20-25 minutes early, in time to talk to everyone and possibly help with last minute arrangements. And I couldn’t really blame Adam on this one. Too much leg acreage to shave, tummies to bind, and hair to straighten!
Ugh it just takes so time to look nice sometimes. It took a lot of time to squeeze this body into a Spank. Oh that lovely binding thing. I had the cutest dress that I was not going to wear because of my double pooch, but this amazing girdle thing makes it look like you’ve lost like 20 pounds or something. Amazing! I love a good SPANKing lol.

3:45 PM. Love weddings! (I'm so not normal) Couldn’t help but think of when Adam and I say our vows etc. Can’t wait to be his officially and vice-versa. Just love him so much and haven’t been this happy, well not every really. Sheesh I’m cheesy but can’t help being disgustingly cheesy about it.
Everything has been really pretty. Its been awesome getting to talk to everyone. I know most of his family by now. We had a lot of fun talking with Nick and Kristen (Adam’s brother and his brother’s girlfriend). We did keep hearing about how we should of just gotten married on the same day.
Was kind of interesting seeing a double wedding. Never been to a wedding in a Baptist church. Hope I didn’t offend Adam when I asked…

“Will there be that much Jesus talk at our wedding?”

Oh my, I am a horrible person sheesh. But I want it to be more weddingish and less like a sermon on that day J Adam did say he didn’t remember that many prayers during a wedding.
But I really am impressed with these 2 couples. Joyanna and Bethany are so sweet. Both marrying guys named Andrew who I think are both going to become pastors, hence all the religious stuff so it was really cool and understandable.

6:30 PM. We are storing the arches and some of the other stuff that we will use at our wedding. So cool! I really can’t wait for it to happen. I actually do wish it was sooner but don’t tell anybody! I couldn’t stop thinking about it at the wedding.

8:00 PM. Real soccer game! So excited for this. What an opening! The air force parachute the game ball in and a tanker did a fly-by right on top of us. Was seriously cool. My favorite though was watching Adam cringe as the famous David Archuletta sang the national anthem.
The game was good even though it was a 1-1 tie with the Colorado Rapids. It was pretty exciting and I really enjoyed Adam getting more into. Can’t wait to play together!

11:43 PM. Brad (Adam’s dad) is drunk calling to get back at Adam from Halloween........
“I love you. I’m so glad you are my son Adam. Can I talk to Holly?”
“Hi Brad.”
“Hi hon. I just want you to know I really love you hon.”
“Are you drinking Brad?”
“ I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you guys.”
“Well, uh we love you too!”
Oh man, just reminded me of last Saturday at the retreat. I texted him by mistake instead of Adam about how much I missed him and loved him blah blah blah. Seriously almost put something inappropriate as joke, so glad I didn’t! Good thing I didn’t send a pic of my chest or anything!
I already get so embarrassed around his family sometimes, not that its hard. I don’t get offended, but embarrassed at the drop of a hat. Adam made a comment that he likes to slap my ass, and he was just joking, but they all assume he means during a certain time so it’s a big joke now.
Oh Crap. Camera is in back seat of Adam’s car. My honey loves me! If only that cold sore would go away so I could kiss those lips!
“Honey, can you go get the camera? I’ll let you touch my boobies all you want.”
“Like you don’t let me already.” (crap, hes on to me now…need new thing to barter with…..)
He has such a one-track mind, definitely a boob man. Was trying to have serious conversation with him about graduation at his brother’s graduation the other night and Adam answers back “I can see your cleavage.” Lol he makes me laugh. Truely salt of the earth. I know he would do anything for me.

Friday, June 5, 2009

2009-06-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary:
Official Weekly Weight: 347
Total Weekly Weight Loss: 3 pounds (I am very excited about this especially considering this included lots of popcorn, enchiladas, and last night’s dinner
Food consumed today:
· 3 egg whites
· Whole Wheat roll
· Banana
· Chef salad with Ranch
· 2 Fiber One bars
· apple
6 inch subway sandwhich

Morning Radio Shows:
Hmmmm, did I listen to the radio this morning? My brain can’t remember anything right now.
Have this massive headache. Cold is now in my head. Medicine is just not seeming to cover it. Feel sort of like I’m floating above my head wondering whats going on today.
Weekend Plans. Sigh.
I do know I’m trying not to think about everything going on this weekend. Soon I’m headed to my niece’s graduation and then running back to work. After work I’ve got to find one of those make your tummy look not as fat kind of things for my dress I’m wearing to the double wedding tomorrow. Then I’ve got to do laundry and fold the clothes from the last time I did laundry and clean the house. Thankfully Adam has volunteered to help. Then we’ve got to run to Walmart to get him some dress clothes as his are all WAY to big (so proud of him AND jealous)
After the double weddings tomorrow and working out we have my work party. We swore we would do NOTHING Sunday but now his family is having a party. Oh it just makes my head spin how there is always something going on every night and when you do the gym too its no time. I think normally I relish it, but when sick it just feels overwhelming and you run yourself ragged getting sicker and sicker. Can I call my stunt double to take over the weekend? For example cloning. Some people say its against God’s will and all that. Well and I’m not so sure. I mean cloning hearts to save people or whatever, how can that be wrong. But also, think of this………you are tired and sick. You just want to stay home. Send clone to work for you while you catch up on your sleep and get a manicure. Sounds ideal to me so whats the big problem?

11 AM. Graduation. Oh I love my niece, but I wouldn’t exactly say I love graduations, especially since I went to one last night for Joey (Adam’s brother). I teased Adam that they would be the exact same, and they almost were. One of the songs the orchestra played was the same. The top ten advice list the district leaders were the same, even though they were in different districts. Craziness. My favorite part of the graduation is when Max sighed really loud and said "When are they going to stop saying people's names?!!!" Everyone around us heard and laughed really really hard.
Gosh can’t believe Megan all grown up. Graduating and with a boyfriend. Sheesh, it was like she was 3 last week or something. I just love her so much. Can't believe she is quite grown up and quite pretty. Craziness.
There were some moments of entertainment at the graduation.
People throwing oodles of confetti (poor clean-up crew)
One girl having so many leighs around her neck that you couldn’t see her face
The grads playing with beach balls and balloons, despite one of the teachers grabbing and popping any that came her way.
Then were the comments between my dad and a security guard when he tried to go out the VIP exit (because there are less stairs). THIS WAS BY FAR THE MOST ENTERTAINING:
“Um sir you can’t go this way.”
“Don’t give me that. I just went this way last week”. (Total utter lie)
“Sir, I said you can’t”
“But I’m bigger than you.”
“Maybe, but I have a whistle”
“Oh whistles don’t scare me, I’m an ex-con”
Good grief dad. He is lucky they didn’t take him away. Jen said it perfectly:
“Dad, you are getting more like Grandma McAffee each and every single day.”
3 PM. Feels like such a long day, even though I haven’t worked the whole time. Wahoo got all the soccer money I need to register our team. Gosh I love soccer! So looking forward to Real game tomorrow at work party.
11 PM. It so has to be time to go to bed! I've done like 8 loads of laundry tonight and we don't even have kids! How is this possible? Was a long night actually. I had a lot of cleaning to do. We did get some vegging in though. Then a late night trip to Walmart. We totally stole a parking spot right up front from someone who had been waiting but Adam said too bad because they were going the wrong way. They honked and honked and I wa afraid for our lives. We live in Taylorsville people. There are gangs here. Luckily the security guys were right there so nothing happened, but I have to admit I kept turning around at the store expectantly, but really at Wal-Mart you should always be on your toes. I drove Adam half crazy taking forever to find him something for his cousin's double wedding tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

2009-06-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary:

347 lbs (wow, 3 pounds less from Friday. I guess the popcorn diet works lol. Actually it really must be absence of Diet Coke. Oh how I miss that drink!)

Food consumed today:
• 3 egg whites
• Cheese
• WW tortilla
• 1 cup mixed berries
• 16 oz Coffee (but only ‘for medicinal purposes’ as my Grandmother used to say)
• Fiber One Bar
• ½ cup Strawberries
• ½ cup cottage cheese
• Microwave Popcorn (at least it was light?)
• Chicken sandwhich on wheat

Morning Radio Shows:
X96:

Angry Bill is hiking with Richie (Mormon producer, closet gay)
“The worst part about this is that not only is the hike with Richie but also with all his Mormon friends.”
“Just be careful. When they get you down to the lake they may try to baptize you.”
Kinda funny I guess.
More whining about how he was not chosen as the ‘Grand Marshall’ of Ogden for the upcoming parade. Oh boo hoo get over it. Maybe they like happy people. (Like me lol)……..definitely time to switch channel…….
101.9 (KUEZ?):
“Don’t forget to watch that show Wipeout that’s on tonight”
“Court you love that show”
“I so do Chelsea. Its one of the best shows, it really is.”
“I just can’t get into that show. It’s the same thing every single episode just with different people.”
“Exactly that’s why I love it”
Hmmm, boring!............switching again……(I mean I must be entertained)

ZHT:
“What is the strangest question you’ve been asked in an interview?”
Oh! I knew it! This proves to be nice and juicy. These guys never disappoint.
“Once I was asked if I was a shape, what shape would I be? I told them I’d be a circle as I’m very well-rounded”
“Nice good one. But I would have said I’m a triangle as I’m so sharp.”
“I was once asked in an interview if I had to kill my grandmother and she was coming at me what part of her would I aim for? I told them her face and I was hired.”
Meh. That’s so made up. Nice try though.
“I was once asked to have sex with the man who interviewed me”
Hmmm, somehow I think that one could be true…….
“I did but I didn’t get the job.”
Well that’s lame. Almost as lame as the fact that I’ve arrived at work!

3:00 PM. Work. Can’t believe how many times I have to pee daily now with water as my only drink. So annoying! BTW, also found out that my poop does in fact NOT float. (I can sleep tonight)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

2009-06-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary:

Weight unknown (not thrilled to find out after popcorn 2 days in a row and last nights enchiladas and cake)

Food consumed today:
3 egg whites drowned in salsa (uggh these always seem to taste like rubber)
Oatmeal packet, less sugar (missing brown sugar & butter, so basically void of taste)
Strawberries (actually not bad even without sugar and milk)
Fiber One Bar (surprisingly yummy)
1 ½ cups Edamame beans (my favorite veggie ever)
4 ounces Chicken Breast (incredibly old and dry sadly)
½ cup brown rice (I miss butter)
Cheese stick
1 cup strawberries, 1 packet sugar (damn why did I bloody mention sugar)
Health Smoothie
Skinny Cow treat (funny, doesn’t taste like cow)

7:30 AM. My apartment. Uggh, I’m finally getting my butt up. Body is so bloody achy. Still limping from impending shin splint incident. (Curse to that horrible thin girl who kicked me so hard a few games ago) So do not want to go into work anymore. Hate pretending to be my boss. Horribly selfish, but I can’t wait until she comes back from maternity leave!

8:15 AM. Hugging my fiancée goodbye is so wonderful! Still in shock that I live with a man, that he loves me, and actually wants to marry me. If this is a dream, don’t wake me up! We pass on the kissing as he has an icky cold sore. So sad, because his big soft lips are incredible.
“I love you honey. Have a wonderful day.”
“Love you too. See ya tonight.”
Oh I love that man so much. I see him and it makes me smile. I'm so very happy with him. (Sheesh cheezy)
Oh well must jet to work. Aww the morning drive. Driving isn't my favorite thing to do, but actually don’t mind it as it gives me a chance to listen to my morning shows. Oh I seriously love radio! First I’ll listen to X-96 to see what Bill is yelling about. (this is the station I was on for a couple of days as like the token fat girl which was hilarious and fun. Oh I wish I could do radio seriously or journalism) When its on commercial will flip to ZHT. Sometimes they have callers who call in with really juicy stories like how they are really a prostitute. So made up but makes me giggle.Ugh commercial. Last resort, my former staple is 101.9. I go back and forth between loving and hating their morning show.
“Callers, what is the worst movie ever?”
“I think the worst movie is the Fountain”
“Yeah Hugh Jackman was on the show and even mentioned that he thought people would have a hard time following it” (So agree, saw that movie and I still have no idea what the hell it was about)
Also 5 male votes for Twilight (typical)
“The worst movie by far is Hope Floats. Its so bad my wife calls it Poop Floats”
“By the way, its not a good thing if your poop floats.”
“Oh ick, I don’t think we should talk about…….”
“Yeah something is wrong with your diet, like too much meat if it actually floats.”
Whatever I like that movie. Hmmm, wonder if my poop floats though. I’ll have to notice today.
Love morning shows.

10:30 AM. Yikes. Long ass day already. Haven’t accomplished anything I needed to do today. Keep getting stuck doing other things. Such is life. Need to go on nice walk and get some steps in and daydream about Adam. …………………oh sheesh is it hot out here!
5:30 PM. Just about to leave work…oh crap (quite literally), I didn’t even notice if it floats or not! …Yikes this traffic is horrible! What on earth is going on? Traffic is the worst and I have absolutely no patience………hmmm stop being negative. Think Pollyanna…….well at least we are moving a little. (I know we are supposed to ask what a higher being would do, but sometimes imaging how Pollyanna would look at the bright side while driving to soccer and not being late makes more sense…..besides does Jesus even play soccer?).
Can’t believe how many compliments I’ve gotten from work this week since I got blonde highlights. I better stop being lazy and actually straighten it most of the time.

6:30 PM. Playing soccer. Nothing better in the world. Sheesh give us a break, can’t it ever stop raining??? Wow we are playing soccer bitch’s team. I’m suddenly very motivated to do even better, even if it does kills my leg. Blast I can't wait until I'm no longer 2-3 times any of them! Would really be easier to keep up with them if I wasn't girlus humungus.

7:30 PM. Wow got compliments that I was holding them off pretty well, and my leg is not totally killing me as I thought it would. Doesn’t feel wonderful, but I’ll survive.

11:05 PM. I’m exhausted. My buddy Leslie played soccer tonight and we went afterwards for a smoothie and ended up talking like old times, catching up. Stayed much later than I planned….at least I got to watch some Bleach (anime series) with my honey.
Goal for tomorrow-work out at night a lot, cardio & my weights workout which I haven’t done forever.

Diet Coke, You are dead to me!

2009-06-01T12:07:00.001-07:00

Diet Coca-Cola, a highly addictive and wonderful sugar-free soft drink, was overly sweetened with aspartame earlier this morning. After many attempts, Dr Pepper was unable to save this sugar-free soda.
Diet Coke was born in 1982. This tragic passing took place in Taylorsville, Utah.
This nectar of the Gods was produced and distributed by the Coca-Cola Company and shortly after its release quickly overtook its cousin Tab in sales.
Diet Coke had many rivals, most notably the wicked Diet Pepsi.
She is survived by many similar varieties such as Diet Coke Black Cherry Vanilla, Diet Raspberry Coke, Diet Coke with Lemon (who sadly is still alive), Diet Cherry Coke, and Diet Coke with Lime.
She was full of life and bubbles and her fizz will be missed by many. Most notably, she will be missed by her #1 fan, Holly McAffee who has refused any other sodas in her stead and will stubbornly stick to water and Crystal Light. Due to her decision of a watery grave, no funeral services will take place, but a moment of silence will be observed each and every morning at precisely 9 AM, and possibly at any other times random cravings may occur. On-line condolences at www.hollymcaffee.blogspot.com

The Plan

2009-05-31T19:35:00.001-07:00

Ok time to rededicate! Now tomorrow Adam's mom is making me enchiladas. So I figure I better be perfect the whole day so it doesn't set me back and exercise before and after work!

Also, tomorrow.........

I'M QUITTING DIET COKE!!!!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

2009-05-31T19:34:00.001-07:00

Breakfast: 3 eggs, oatmeal, banana
Snack: none
Lunch: popcorn (nice & healthy)
Snack: none
Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no buns), salad, tons of veggies
EXERCISE: none
WHAT IS GOOD?
WHAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT?: Everything J

Saturday, May 30, 2009

2009-05-31T19:33:00.000-07:00

Date: Saturday, May 30, 2009 Milcreek Day!!!
Breakfast: 4 eggs, 2 sausage, 2 bacon, fried potatoes, fruit
Snack: 2 pieces of chocolate
Lunch: hamburger, hot dog (no buns), veggies
Snack:
Dinner: lasagna, veggies, fruit
EXERCISE:
· 45 minutes hikings
WHAT IS GOOD?
WHAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT?:Dear Diary: Eeek, okay trying to be really good when you spend the whole day at Milcreek Canyon and then the evening on the yearly retreat with the women in Adam’s family is just really hard. Sitting here looking back at all I ate, it freaks me out. Cuz I thought I was being good compared to everyone else lol. Thank goodness for that big hike!

You say its your Birthday!

2009-05-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wow another year older and deeper in debt! I had such a fun birthday. We went with Adam’s family to Wendover on a bus. His mom had organized the whole thing. It was only like $14 and we got lots of fun things like $5 to spend there, a free coffee, free buffet. Seriously it was an amazing deal. Adam and I had so much fun playing on the machines. Neither of us have done it that much, he in fact had never been to Wendover. We gave ourselves some fun money to spend. I lost all mine of course. But Adam actually won! He spent his money on me for my birthday after we got home. I got a bunch of clothes, yeah me!!!! What a sweetie eh? I just love that man of mine! Anyway it was a great day. We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Yummers!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

2009-05-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: 3 egg whites, ½ cup granola, ½ cup milk, banana
Snack: Fiber One bar, banana
Lunch: edamame beans, ¾ cup brown rice, cheese stick
Snack: apples, cottage cheese
Dinner:
EXERCISE:
WHAT IS GOOD? Well I only have one Diet Pepsi today, that is very very good. So I’m drinking tons and tons of water J
WHAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT?:
Dear Diary: Holy cow, can’t believe its my birthday tomorrow! Isn’t that just crazy. Well for once I’m not really that worried about it to be honest. Its just a number, and nearly the whole time I’ve been 33, I thought I was 34 anyway so I guess it doesn’t matter at all!
I’m so excited, we are going to Wendover with Adam’s family and actually taking the fun bus! I’m so excited for it. Haven’t been there in ages so it should be a blast

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

2009-05-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

(Some of this to be updated later tonight)
Breakfast: 2 oatmeal raisin cookies, 3 egg whites
Snack: banana, Fiber One bar
Lunch: turkey sandwhich, apple, cheesestick
Snack: fiber one bar, banana
Dinner: chicken salad, protein bar
Water: 20 (8 oz glasses) water
EXERCISE:
Exercising was tough today. So a couple of weeks ago I got kicked in my leg playing soccer. I had a bruise bigger than an orange on my leg. But my leg has been hurting ever since really bad and I couldn’t figure out what it was.
It was hurting especially bad today and I had a feeling I shouldn’t play soccer but I did anyway. I couldn’t even run on it. Its in really bad shape after the game. My poor leg. Already I’m losing the arch in my heel so it hurts to walk anyway and my knee also bothers me. Well I figured out that it’s a shin split. Eeek. Went to the gym but holy cow it was hurting so much, I could only do the treadmill and only for a little bit of time.
· 60 minutes Soccer
· 20 minutes treadmill
· 45 minutes ball workout
WHAT IS GOOD? Well I stuck to it and exercised even though it was incredibly hard with my injured leg. I also drank a lot of water!
WHAT NEEDS IMPROVEMENT?: EVERYTHING! Well at least breakfast.
Dear Diary: What is my problem seriously? Why did I go to Great Harvest this morning? I even thought about telling Adam of my craving because I know he would have encouraged me not to go and I wouldn’t have, so I purposely did NOT tell him. What an evil thing. Sheesh, so I want to get in that wedding dress or not?
I guess I just feel so much against me. Part of me is sick of trying so hard and not seeing much in the way of results. And then I fall into that old pattern of you go off and its hard to get back on. Like I know its my birthday Thursday and we are going to Wendover with his family. I know I’ll have cake and end up not following the diet because its my birthday. That would probably be okay, but one day of cheating and I swear I gain 5 pounds with my luck. So I think a part of me is like screw it. Who cares, may as well not try because even if you do try you won’t see many results. Uggh.
Ok, NO I can’t do this again, I just can’t, this self-defeating behavior and thoughts. I’m done and its what has destroyed my chance for happiness all along. I’m not going to let this pattern repeat. Now is the time. Adam will help me and I can do this. I know I can!
So here is the plan:
I’m on second Diet Pepsi right now. This will so be the last for today. No more Diet Pepsis and lots of water is on the beverage menu for me today. Deal with it.
Next, foodwise: No treats from front desk at all, and no straying from the planned diet. For lunch I will have a turkey sandwhich and an orange. For snack I will have a fiber one bar and a banana. No ifs, ands or buts. Tonight for dinner after soccer I will get chicken breast 6 inch sandwhich from Subway and take the top bun off. No cookies! And no pop either.
And exercise wise here is the plan: Soccer tonight for an hour. If I’m there early I will walk around to get more steps. Then I will be going with Adam to the gym when he has the trainer. Typically we are there for like 2 hours when he has the trainer, sometimes slightly more. I will get even more cardio. I will get lots of steps this way for my program at work (have to make up for last week) and lots of good cardio. Tomorrow I will be starting back on my resistance, weights workout.
In fact, here is plan for tomorrow:
B: 3 egg whites, banana, oatmeal
Snack: cottage cheese, orange
L: turkey sandwhich, banana
Snack: fiber one bar, cheese stick
D: chicken, edamama (veggies)
NO DIET PEPSI AT ALL. PURE WATER! And exercise? AM-weights workout, walk workout. PM: more cardio, ball workout
I WILL BLOODY DO THIS IF IT KILLS ME!
1:36-So doing good so far. Had 16 ounces of water so far. Realized I forgot edamame or any veggies so besides my sandwhich I’m having a cheesestick and an apple. That’s ok. I’m super hungry and at least it is healthy stuff.
2:50 PM: Still going strong, only had one moment of hesitation. Was kind of day dreaming about Diet Pepsi, and as if on cue, a co-worker suddenly opened a can. Thoughts of theft or slight maiming might have ensued, but I held strong to my water conviction as it were.
Have now had 6 cups of water, and about the same amount of bathroom trips! Water can be so bloody annoying, especially when your bladder is barely bigger than the size of a pea. Receptionist at front desk must be convinced I have a bladder infection or problem.
4:23 PM: Oh the human mind is a silly thing. I just walked by the front desk again, as I have been like every 20 minutes after using the potty (thank you again water)………and I looked longingly at the chocolate, saw someone with a soda and I immediately thought aw, how sad that I am deprived. Ha ha, reality check chica! Me of all people has NOT been deprived. I’ve led a really rich life when it comes to food. Oh wasn’t every meal, every day or anything like that. But I have not been deprived by any means. So silly the way our brains work honestly!

Monday, May 25, 2009

2009-05-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

Ok so I said I would blog EVERY day,so here goes! I need to realize the consequences of everything you put in your mouth and everything you do. Well already its going better.
Today’s steps so far: 13,120
Yesterday: 3746
LOL! That’s so pathetic. But I am impressed I am doing better! Here is my morning- ode to Bridget Jones style:
7:05 AM: Aw, could just wake up now and have a nice long day……will do it. Look how cute Adam looks. I could let him sleep and go clean like I’ve done many times before. Bloody splendid idea…Will get up here in just a couple moments…just gonna close my eyes for just a couple more minutes.
2 hours later: Oh rats I could’ve had everything done by now….for sure I’m getting up right now…(yawns and pulls covers over head)
11 AM: Oh wow, I feel so refreshed. Nothing could make this day better. (Adams walks in room and kissing ensues)
(Smiles and eats breakfast Adam made: granola, 1% milk, 3 egg whites & salsa, banana)
So yesterday I was up to 352-eeek. But that was in the morning. All day we were cheating for some bizarre reason. We ate an entire box of oreos! (hesitantly steps on scale)…………wow the scale God loves me today. I’m 348. Hmmm. Not sure in what kind of universe that no exercise and eating half a package of oreos helps you lose 4 pounds! (Sounds like the kind of world I really want to live in though)
12:15 PM: Yes, walking to the gym is a great idea!................oh blast its kinda hot. Why are there no bloody sidewalks around here anyway? Not like I should be scared, I’m a fairly big target, so it would be highly unlikely that a car wouldn’t see me…..Why must Adam walk so bloody fast? I think he forgets I’m carrying like 3 people here lol.
Its bad that it has been a few days since we worked out. The slacking has certainly had an effect. Its like mentally I want to be 350 which doesn’t make any sense. I don’t really want to be that weight of course. Am I just scared? Actually I don’t think I’m scared at all. I think I’m just lazy and don’t want to put the work in. That’s exactly what it is actually. That and having no patience. This is the pattern I go through:
1-Work hard & exercise & eat right and lose a little.
2-Keep working hard etc & don’t lose or gain a pound.
3-Try to stick to it but get frustrated. Upset that when I’ve done so good that I haven’t lost a lot at this weight. Throw towel in and gain 5 pounds.
4-Get back on track and lose a pound.
5-Get frustrated again and go off diet completely
This is what I need to do:
Exercise & eat right all the time. Not get frustrated when I lose little or gain. If I stick to diet and keep eating right, I will lose in the long run. I just lose slowly.
I need to just get totally over it and stop crying about it. I didn’t gain it all really quick, and its not going to come off quickly or easily. So just make the most of it!
12:25-1:10:
· 20 minutes Precor machine
· 25 minutes Treadmill: 6 light jogging, 19 minutes power walk
1:10-1:25: I always love the feeling after a workout. I’m so bloody tired lol. On the walk home I felt like dropping to the grass and taking a nap!
Well anyway, after that I watched (finally) the last half of the finale of American Idol. Okay seriously best final ever! It was so very good. And go Kris! I actually knew he’d already won and wasn’t going to watch it, but then I heard about the bikini girl part on the news and figured I must watch it. While I watched I bounced on the ball and had a snack-fiber one bar & cheese stick.
After that I put on my favorite music while I did dishes & laundry, dancing around and taking extra steps etc. Not a bad way to get some additional exercise in!

SUMMARY:
I did really good today actually. I wanted more to snack on late at night, but I wouldn't let me. The gym seriously kicked my ass, but in a good way. In a couple of days I will start back up with weights. I know I can do this. I love days like this.

2009-05-24T19:44:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I think I forgot what that word means. We had good intentions at camping to be good and didn’t do that bad. But today its like we threw it all out the window. So every day I’m gonna do the exercise in the AM and PM and then be perfect with diet, blogging about it every day and keeping track of it all in the bodybugg. I need to be held accountable. I need to make this happen. I need to remember all of the reasons why I’m doing this!!!! I want to have babies!!! There was a pic taken of me when I was a baby in a basket in a pink dress at my Grandma’s. Apparently I would take out the toys so I could sit in it. I want to take that same pic with my kids.

S'more Camping???

2009-05-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

So we went to the property of Adam’s family past Heber. We got there about noon on Saturday and this was the real kind of camping too. No running water so no toilets etc. Now I’ve roughed it plenty of times, but it has been years and years! I’ve been spoiled with East Canyon Resort camping where you have showers, toilets, the pools and shuffleboard. You are entertained at every moment and don’t have to smell the outhouse. Oh the luxuries we have become accustomed too.
So with a reluctant heart I jumped on the bandwagon. And I actually became excited about it. Just me and Adam! We had never been camping before this. It was fun doing all of the planning etc. Thanks to my poor spending habits, I have tons of camping crap, and it seemed whatever I didn’t have, Adam has.
So I almost laughed as it started raining just as we got there. I had warned Adam of my curse before, we chucked as I reminded him of it. It almost ALWAYS rains when I go camping. But we figured it would subside. Well it didn’t! We were rather ill-prepared for inclement weather. Luckily we had a little bit of warm clothing and some hefty bags so we were set. It took some serious delving into our inner survivor-man kills to get a fire going in the rain.
But it really was fun while it lasted. We almost went home earlier in the day, but we kept thinking the rain would stop. There are 3 trailers owned by his family on this property but one had major mouse-droppings and one we couldn’t get into. We could get into his parents and decided to sleep there instead of the tent due to the rain. Adam was totally creeped out though for fear of spiders lol. I was more afraid of men with axes or like bears or something. Seriously after the four-wheelers stopped it was quiet and so very dark. Because of the clouds it was pitch black.
You know you have seen way too many horror movies when you can’t even walk 2 blocks to the outhouse in the dark without making your fiancée chauffer you along with his hatchet.
Then we couldn’t sleep. The altitude was getting to me, it wouldn’t stop raining, and Adam kept worrying about creepy crawly things. LOL we ended up leaving at 1 AM for home.
It was still so much fun and we’ve been gloriously lazy today.

Bonkorama!!!!

2009-05-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

It all went well. Gee I love hosting parties! I so wish I could do that for a living or something. Not throw Bonko parties, but just parties in general. So much for fun than software seriously!
The theme was pink, black, and white, kind of like our wedding colors! I spend way more than I could afford, thankfully everyone pitches in for the prizes though. I found a bunch of bath stuff and put in really cute bags, they loved them.

I way went way overboard on the food surprise surprise. It was so much fun. I made my famous scotcharoos and put those cameo molds I bought on top. But my favorite was the pretzels. Now I’ve done chocolate pretzels for years, but these were the cutest ones I’ve done thus far. I found normal shaped pretzels but that were really fat and then used white, brown, and pink chocolate, dipping, double-dipping and drizzling. It was a blast. And they are darling.

Everyone said I need to get someone to make them for the wedding. Ha. Those stay good for a couple of weeks. I could make them to be honest!

Got Plans?

2009-05-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

There is so much coming up lately its exciting. I feel like I run from place to place as of late. Tomorrow is Bonko night. Once a year you have your turn to host, and its my turn. And like all my close friends know, I really love to throw a party. Its been challenging as we are trying to save money, but I wanted to have a theme. I’m all about themes! Really its just pink and black and white, kind of like my wedding colors but the pink is a little brighter. So I made my scotcharoos with pink chocolate cameos I molded on top. I have pink and black candy and dishes to match. I’m such a freak! But It will be fun. Luckily you are given money by everyone for the prizes. I found some really cool prizes and put them in pink and black bags with matching ribbons of course. So I’m actually excited.
But it is work. Last night I seriously did a million things, I exercised, did grocery shopping at 2 places, exercised, played soccer for an hour, called everyone about bonko (give address etc), ran things over to Jens (who is graciously hosting), and dropped Adam’s car over to Heather’s (Adam’s cousin whose hubby is going to fix the car she accidentally backed into). By the time we got home it was 10:30 PM and I still wasn’t quite done. I made the treats while I watched the finale of American Idol. It’s a nice feeling to get a lot of things done. But how do you moms do it??? I don’t even have kids yet and I’m exhausted.
Tonight I’m running to Jen’s to clean for a couple of hours, need to exercise, pick up Adam, and get all our camping stuff ready for this weekend. Thursday will be a blast but Bonko is an all nighter. Then Friday we will be shopping and planning for our campout this weekend. Oh thank heaven it’s a long weekend!
I actually only work 2 days next week as his parents are taking us to Wendover on my birthday.
Oh my seriously so much fun stuff coming up. The weekend after that is my family’s big belated Memorial Day Bash at Milcreek. So much fun. We cook all the meals and hike and play games. It seriously is a blast.
We are trying to save for a house as well and improve my credit by getting me out of debt. Oh why does everything cost so much! One day we will hopefully have it all together.

Does this wedding dress make my butt look big?

2009-05-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been slowly getting into more wedding stuff. Been a little bit relaxing, or so I thought. I did plan on meeting with Jen last Saturday to kind of make some headway with centerpieces & invitations. Well that ended up being the unplanned wedding preparation day! So I was about to exercise and I got a call from Adam’s sister Kim who said there was a dress on KSL I should look at. At first I thought she was crazy. Who buys a wedding dress from KSL???? Well lots of people apparently. I completely and utterly fell in love with it and it is now mine and was only $125.
This is such a miracle and I have since thanked God a million times over (and Kimmy). Its just so funny because I’ve been sort of having a hard time doing this without my mother. It just makes me miss her so much, probably even more so in May as its her birthday month, Mother’s day and memorial day and my birthday all in one! Well and trying on wedding dresses didn’t excite me much anyway for weight reasons so I was going to postpone it as much as I possibly could and was trying not to be sad about it. But a while back when I was sad about it, I was looking at my mom’s painting I sometimes talk to (yes I am THAT crazy), and I just felt like everything would be okay and it would be painless and easy. I swear my mother is our guardian angel. She knows what a stress case I can be, and just makes things happen for me sometimes. Kimmy and I tease that we are now sisters anyway, so I swear my mother inspired her to look at that.
The dress is perfect. Its 2 sizes too small, but if I keep losing more (which is the plan), Val (Adam’s mom) can take it in so easily so I can look at it as a goal. Its all lacy and kind of Victorian which is my theme. Not too much lace, but just enough. The sleeves flair out and are sheer. There is beadwork on it and a huge long train. I’m so happy about it, I was on cloud 9 all day.
That same day Jen and I really made some headway about invitations and such as well so I’m so appreciative of her. Then that night we actually bought 2 out of 3 of the flower dresses that match the bridal dress so much with little lacy detail and the adorable pale pink with huge fluffly skirts. Oh man they are just perfectly frilly! I’m just so excited! Its all really happening. I thank God and my mom (as I’m sure she had something to do with it) that I have Val and Kim. My family is so wonderful, but at this time things are complicated. Deb has all her kids, Jen is already doing so much, Laurie is getting a divorce, and it isn’t really my dad’s thing so I’m so grateful. I have no idea how blessed I am I know to have such great future in-laws seriously. Like we want to have a house near them some day and who wants that. So officially I am the luckiest girl in the world and I should just remember that!
Oh and my doctor thinks I have some metabolic thing so I’m waiting for test results. If I do, medications may help me lose a little faster. Wouldn’t that be nice! But if not I just have to be patient. I lose so horribly slow and I can’t get sad about it. I just have to work my tail at it and be ok with it. The results will come eventually. I guess God had to teach me patience somehow!

One Big Screw-up

2009-04-06T21:47:00.000-07:00

So today I really screwed up. So dumb because last week I lost 4 pounds. And just today I gained back 5

I've really been struggling with this cleanse. I just never really feel like I get full at all. Its SO annoying. It's no excuse though. Anyway today I had seriously everything I've been craving. I was supposed to be doing the only veggies and fruit thing. Instead I went to BK for breakfast. Then I had a chicken salad sandwhich, a piece of carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, and Hersheys eggs. Sheesh!

So mad and dissapointed with myself. But honestly I think its just that this cleanse is like a starvation diet, so I'm following the day 10 which actually has meat and veggies and some carbs. It sounds like heaven compared to what I'm having. So I will make this work.

The Cleanse!!!!

2009-04-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

Sunday:
Okay day one of the cleanse. I really am lucky, it’s not as bad as The Master cleanse I tried once. On that one you keep drinking this nasty concoction of lemon, syrup, and cayenne pepper. My whole team at work tried it a few years ago. We all lasted about 3 days. Miserable stuff.
So 3 days of just veggies and fruits, I really shouldn’t complain. But you know its one of greater qualities. I can find a way to complain about anything. LOL. I just don’t ever really feel that full on veggies and fruits. So we’ll see how it goes. Of course I’m gonna do it, even if it kills me. I just really really have to do it. I really want to see a 33x number next week. How cool would that be! Correction, how cool WILL that be?
So I already had breakfast of fruit. You have to eat as much veggies as you do fruit, so my next snack will be veggies. And of course you can’t have ranch or anything yummy like that lol. I can have a red potato for lunch. Of course not any butter or anything, but still it will be rather filling.
……….Well nows its 5:30. And if you don’t already know, you will soon find that I am the biggest whiner in the universe. POOR ADAM. That is all I can say. He has gotten more than an earful.
Can I just say that veggies and fruits are not very filling! I miss the egg whites and the chicken I used to eat SO bad its not even funny. I really don’t know how I’m going to do 2 more days of this. Craziness. It has just really sucked big time. Ugh, I have to stop blogging about it. I can’t think about it.

Monday:
As much as I wanted to punch Heather (hee hee not really) for coming up with this horrible diet, so I lost 4 ½ pounds since yesterday. Sunday I discovered from cheat Saturday I’d gained back 1 ½ pounds (totally to be expected). So yeah I’m 340 right now. That insane. I was hoping to be 337 by Saturday. I think that is definitely going to happen easy. Right now I’m shooting for 335. I could totally do better, but after 3 days you gradually add stuff, so its not going to be losing 4 pounds a day.
Its so funny last night I was complaining and telling Adam I didn’t think I could do day 2 and 3 and might skip to day 4 where you get to add 2 carbs. But then I weighed myself and I decided hell no am I going to skip those days. I can do this!!!!
The diet still concerns me a little. Its so low calorie-I mean you can only eat so many fruits & veggies. But to be honest, underneath all this fat I have a ton of muscle too. So I actually need to lose some muscle too in the grand scheme of things. So its ok really if I lose some of that. I think this “cleanse” is more so you have totally pure foods going into your system and helping cleaning you out and bursting up your metabolism. Well whatever it does, me likey J
Today honestly is a little easier than yesterday. Perhaps yesterday was so incredibly hard because I’d had such a high caloric day the previous day. I just seriously never felt even close to sated. Fruits & veggies are wonderful, but they don’t fill me up in and of themselves. I just really missed like crazy those carbs and protein that really stay with you. It was miserable yesterday. My stomach all day long had that icky feeling in it too which was really hard at the gym I have to say. I kept eating as many as I could stomach as I don’t want to starve myself.
Today is easier for some reason. Maybe I’m more used to it or whatever. Perhaps my tummy has shrunk a little. I don’t know. But I’m GRATEFUL. And when coworkers start bringing back their yummy fast food, I will have to just think. 4 ½ POUNDS SO FAR!!!! DON’T GIVE UP.
The cool thing about this diet is every few days it increases slightly. Eventually on day 10 you are on a very reasonable diet that you can follow thereafter. She mentioned that some people will do that for a week and then start over. Call me crazy but I just may do that.
I’m finding I’m stronger than I think. Mind over matter. Or mind over tummy to be more specific.

Tuesday:
Well I weighed again this morning and I lost 2 more pounds. Its incredible seriously. I’m sure as the diet has me add a little more the weight loss won’t be as dramatic each day. As such, I’m going to hold off weighing in again until Saturday and just keep following the diet and exercising my buttox off and I know I will see great results.
Something so incredible today, I fit into a pair of jeans that I haven’t fit into for YEARS!!! Wowsers. Its seriously cool. They are slightly tight, but I just can’t wait until they fit absolutely perfect! Wahoo. Celebration.
It really makes me think of other times I’ve been doing well and then just stop, so I’m really trying to watch that. I need to make sure I keep up the intensity and don’t just think that I’m seeing great results, so I’m done. I’ve worked hard enough. I have to keep it up.
Also I can’t get discouraged and I need to be realistic. That first day was incredible, but I can’t be sad about thereafter. Like today seeing 2 pounds in one day. That is incredible, but if you compare to the day before you could get a little sad. So I can’t fall into those familiar pit falls.
Yeah its hard, but guess what, life IS hard. There are MUCH worse things. If you want something, you have to put in the work to get it. Nothing is for free in this life.
Another thing I’ve noticed, last night I went to the store before we went and saw a movie and I got a treat for my nephew for the movie and also for Adam’s niece. I remember walking by the drinks and then the Easter candy and I thought, gosh no one would know if I just sneak a drink and a treat. And then I just had to laugh and walk away. No one will know! That is so not what this is about. It doesn’t matter if people know or not. And actually, they DO know because they see the size of your……….well you know.
So its switching the way you think about things that is so VITAL for this to work, because just like anything its mostly MENTAL. So yeah, I’m free to have fattening foods and not follow the diet. No one is MAKING me do this. I am CHOOSING to do this. Because it is what needs to be done to get the results I want. Its as simple as that.
I have had my way unhealthy days where I ate whatever I wanted. I get weekly cheats. Its not like I’m deprived or starving. So chin up! Persevere! Healthy bod or bust! Its exciting. First milestones, I got (unofficially as I don’t count it until Saturday) BELOW the 340 range! Wowsers! I also fit into some jeans. INCREDIBLE!!!!
Whats the next milestone? Well 330 is the next one. Adam is going to buy me something when I reach that. So I’m stoked. Every 10 pounds is just a wonderful achievement that I’m really looking forward to. J

Friday:
Well I weighed in today and was pretty disappointed. But I got engaged this week!!!! We had a cheat night in the middle of the week so things happen and that’s okay. I’m just so happy and I just need to stick to it and all will be fine.
I’m doing good workout wise, but I could definitely kick it up a notch!

NOT an April Fool's Joke!!!!

2009-04-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

I'm still just in shock right now. Somebody pinch me!!!! Everyone I've told has wondered if I was playing an April Fool's joke on them, but no joke-ADAM PROPOSED!!!!
I'M SERIOUSLY SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
Adam is the most wonderful guy in the world. Apparently he has had this planned for quite some time.
Adam popped the question earlier this evening after an elaborate, creative, and romantic "scavegar hunt" proposal. It was really sweet! We are thrilled!
I am a very happy girl! We are looking for next April to tie the knot. I haven't been so happy in a very long time!
(PS....I said YES)

Sunday & Monday-the "CLEANSE" craze

2009-03-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sunday:
Okay day one of the cleanse. I really am lucky, it’s not as bad as The Master cleanse I tried once. On that one you keep drinking this nasty concoction of lemon, syrup, and cayenne pepper. My whole team at work tried it a few years ago. We all lasted about 3 days. Miserable stuff.
So 3 days of just veggies and fruits, I really shouldn’t complain. But you know its one of greater qualities. I can find a way to complain about anything. LOL. I just don’t ever really feel that full on veggies and fruits. So we’ll see how it goes. Of course I’m gonna do it, even if it kills me. I just really really have to do it. I really want to see a 33x number next week. How cool would that be! Correction, how cool WILL that be?
So I already had breakfast of fruit. You have to eat as much veggies as you do fruit, so my next snack will be veggies. And of course you can’t have ranch or anything yummy like that lol. I can have a red potato for lunch. Of course not any butter or anything, but still it will be rather filling.
……….Well nows its 5:30. And if you don’t already know, you will soon find that I am the biggest whiner in the universe. POOR ADAM. That is all I can say. He has gotten more than an earful.
Can I just say that veggies and fruits are not very filling! I miss the egg whites and the chicken I used to eat SO bad its not even funny. I really don’t know how I’m going to do 2 more days of this. Craziness. It has just really sucked big time. Ugh, I have to stop blogging about it. I can’t think about it.

Monday:
As much as I wanted to punch Heather (hee hee not really) for coming up with this horrible diet, I lost 4 ½ pounds since yesterday. Sunday I discovered from cheat Saturday I’d gained back 1 ½ pounds (totally to be expected). So yeah I’m 340 right now. That insane. I was hoping to be 337 by Saturday. I think that is definitely going to happen easy. Right now I’m shooting for 335. I could totally do better, but after 3 days you gradually add stuff, so its not going to be losing 4 pounds a day.
Its so funny last night I was complaining and telling Adam I didn’t think I could do day 2 and 3 and might skip to day 4 where you get to add 2 carbs. But then I weighed myself and I decided hell no am I going to skip those days. I can do this!!!!
The diet still concerns me a little. Its so low calorie-I mean you can only eat so many fruits & veggies. But to be honest, underneath all this fat I have a ton of muscle too. So I actually need to lose some muscle too in the grand scheme of things. So its ok really if I lose some of that. I think this “cleanse” is more so you have totally pure foods going into your system and helping cleaning you out and bursting up your metabolism. Well whatever it does, me likey J
Today honestly is a little easier than yesterday. Perhaps yesterday was so incredibly hard because I’d had such a high caloric day the previous day. I just seriously never felt even close to sated. Fruits & veggies are wonderful, but they don’t fill me up in and of themselves. I just really missed like crazy those carbs and protein that really stay with you. It was miserable yesterday. My stomach all day long had that icky feeling in it too which was really hard at the gym I have to say. I kept eating as many as I could stomach as I don’t want to starve myself.
Today is easier for some reason. Maybe I’m more used to it or whatever. Perhaps my tummy has shrunk a little. I don’t know. But I’m GRATEFUL. And when coworkers start bringing back their yummy fast food, I will have to just think. 4 ½ POUNDS SO FAR!!!! DON’T GIVE UP.
The cool thing about this diet is every few days it increases slightly. Eventually on day 10 you are on a very reasonable diet that you can follow thereafter. She mentioned that some people will do that for a week and then start over. Call me crazy but I just may do that.
I’m finding I’m stronger than I think. Mind over matter. Or mind over tummy to be more specific.

Thrilling Dinosaur Adventure!!!!

2009-03-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we went to the Dinosaur Museum @ Thanksgiving Point. It was a very SERIOUS trip.....

It was very full of fun, danger, and excitement. There were crazy turns at every corner. It was very ROCKY....

We literally became paleontologists for the day.......

All around there were dinosaurs of every kind. We saw many SMALL dinosaurs...

They were EVERYWHERE......

There were times where we felt complete TERROR...

Although we had some close run-ins and hand to run for our lives, overall it was a wonderful trip!

EXERCISE Last Week

2009-03-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

WEEKLY EXERCISE:
SUNDAY:
CARDIO: Dance video-45 minutes
WEIGHTS: Turbo Jam video-25 minutes

MONDAY:
CARDIO: Power Walk video-30 minutes; 30 minutes jog in place
WEIGHTS:

TUESDAY:
CARDIO:
WEIGHTS: Biggest Loser Boot Camp Video-1 hour

WEDNESDAY:
CARDIO: Jillian’s cardio boxing video-20 minutes; Denise’s cardio dance party video-40 minutes; 30 minutes Precor machine; 30 minutes treadmill (23 jogging)
WEIGHTS:

THURSDAY:
CARDIO: 25 minutes Jillian’s cardio boxing video; 1 ½ hours cleaning
WEIGHTS:

FRIDAY:
CARDIO: 30 minutes Dance Cardio workout (AM)
WEIGHTS:

SATURDAY:
CARDIO: 20 minutes elliptical; 20 minutes treadmill (jog 14 minutes)
WEIGHTS: shoulders & legs: fast jog, jump rope, lunges, squats, leg lifts, 3 shoulder machines

Saturday-WEIGH IN DAY!!!!

2009-03-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I woke up today and was both nervous AND excited to weigh in. I was half-way preparing myself for the same weight or maybe like 2 pounds and decided I would be happy with whatever because I know eventually I’ll see results. I was SO excited to see that I lost 6 ½ pounds!! Wahoo!!!!! I was seriously elated and wouldn’t shut up about it all day long.
We had a LOT of fun today. We went and had our cheat for breakfast this time. It was so so so yummy. Then we saw the movie Monsters Vs. Aliens with my family. After that we went to the Dinosaur Musuem and went out to dinner. It was a blast. Its been a nice day.
Tomorrow I begin the “cleanse” of sorts. Gonna be tough but I know I can do it and that it will be worth it.

Friday

2009-03-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

My last day before I weigh in. I’m trying not to get too excited about weighing in considering how last week went lol. But I’m still determined to do good and just stick to it no matter what. I know in the long run I will have good results.
In the last few days I’ve noticed that blogging about it has really helped me just focus on it more. One of my friends was saying I should put a weekly pic. I’ve even though about doing a video diary so who knows what I’ll end up doing.
I’m also really excited for the next week. My amazing boyfriend Adam sacrificed his entire visit with the trainer and she came up with a diet for me to try. It is a 10 days sort of a cleanse. But its not like the harsh ones where you just drink juice or something. You can do it for 10 days and then there is a regular diet to follow thereafter, but she says also you can restart the 10 day over if you want so I’m going to start that on Sunday. You have to be super good and super strict, but I think my body really needs that shock etc, so I’m excited to try it. I’m really thankful for her help. Such support I have!

THURSDAY

2009-03-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well here we are again! Just taking it one day at a time. I seem to have the hardest time in the morning. Seriously something in me just wants to eat McDonalds for breakfast every day. The most evil side actually wants to go to Burger King and have a sausage croissant combo with a mocha joe and an order of cinni minis. I think that’s almost 1000 calories right there. Gross. Lots of fat and sodium to boot. But damn its yummy! So in the mornings, every part of me just wants that. Isn’t that weird? What is the reason for that? Is it because I’m tired and you think that food makes it better? Does your body just crave fat? I just don’t know what it is. But thankfully Adam actually makes most of my breakfast as I do our dinner. What a sweet man! So my eggs are already ready and I find that once I sit down and eat all my breakfast, I am satisfied and no longer hungry, so its just getting through it. I have a really decent breakfast, so often I have to remind myself when its snack time. Experts really do recommend the 5-6 small meals to keep your metabolism up to par, and I think that has proven to be the best method for me. Its not until the afternoon when I really start to snack. I eat lunch as late as possible so that I can work through the cravings. If I have a piece of candy at work, I don’t sweat it. If I get one every time I go by the front desk, then there is a problem.
Some days lunch is hard. Like today, coworkers came back with their yummy smelling greasy & salty foods as usual. I seriously have to stop myself from grabbing my keys and picking something up. I remind myself that I have a lunch already that I just need to heat up and that it is healthy and what my body needs. Its low calorie and will help me make my dreams come true. Specifically, it will help me get in that wedding dress one day and help me get to a healthy weight where I could pop out a kid or two that I keep dreaming about. (Just a couple nights ago, we had an adorable little girl with blue eyes and curly blonde hair).
I’ve been super sore today from yesterday’s massive workout. My knees, back, and heels remind me how this is tough on a broad at this weight. But I just smile and work through the pain, because it will get easier.
Tonight is my cleaning night, so typically I count that as my workout. But since I’m doing the double my previous workouts, I’m going to do an hour of cardio first and then do my 2 hour cleaning. I know that I will need to do the workout first. If I say I will do it after I clean, I know I will be tired and want to not do it. Planning ahead! It really helps.
Every step I take just helps me get that much closer to my goal. Don’t worry about the past, don’t worry about how big the goal seems, just work on right now, today and exercise and eat right and everything will be fine.
Later same night:
Well I did do my workout first-Jillian’s killer workout video and then cleaned for an hour and a half. Wahoo yeah me.

What a day-Wednesday :)

2009-03-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

So I think it will really help me to just blog constantly about this whole journey. Its really about every small decision you make. So I think this will really help me focus and figure it all out. Last week I hit a low point and nearly gave up when I gained 3 pounds when I seriously ate clean and worked my ass off at the gym. I felt like giving up. I really let it get to me and just cried and felt sorry for myself. I finally realized that I really do want this, and for me I think I need to workout even more and I will see success.

Oh wow! So tonight I really brought it. Backing up, I felt like foodwise I was a bit too snacky earlier today, but I did all right. Its like 80% what you eat, so I really need to remember that and perfect my choices. So there is always room for improvement.
But working out wowsers! So I’ve been saying all week that I need to do double workout. I keep saying it but didn’t do it yet. Yes I worked out Sunday-Tuesday, but just the normal workout.

For me I think I just really need to kick it up a notch. So when I get home from work I did an hour of cardio. This was an intense hour. I have some new videos, but I looked at some that were burned for me a while back from some former coworkers at Ingenix. So I had one of Jillian’s videos. It wasn’t very long, but holy intense. I mean you are jumping rope, doing jumping jacks and all in double time with no rests. Even Jillian is sweating like crazy from her own workout. It was seriously intense. And its interesting my attitude about it. I have always had that competitive part of my personality that I’m constantly having to fight. Many times I’ve gotten all mad that they can do more than me, so I have to really stop myself from killing myself and remember that they are half or 1/3 my weight so its impossible to do exactly the same at some points. And yet there is that other side that you have to fight of being lazy. Like Heather (Adam’s trainer) says, I’m the fittest fat person she has ever met. So I really do have to push myself hard. Its all about finding the right balance for yourself where you are pushing hard but not killing yourself and causing injury. But watching the biggest loser, I’ve learned you can push yourself harder than you think.

Jillian’s kickboxing video is so killer. It would work out really fit people . I fought my damnest to keep up. There is so much jumping going on. Its hard for fat people to jump (not to mention frightening to watch lol). But I made myself do the jump rope etc. The only thing I really had an issue with was the jumping jacks. The first round I just jogged in place. But then I made myself do them the next few sets. I could only do 10 o the 30 and not double time like the rest of them, but I was damn proud of myself. Sweat was just flowing off of me like a river, so that is when I know I’m pushing it and giving 110%. So after that I did 40 minutes of a dance cardio workout. There was a lot of jumping etc in that too. I was dying because yesterday the biggest Loser Bootcamp one had you do tons of squats and lunges, as did both workouts today. I remember doing this dance one before, but I really kicked it up and tried to keep up with them and jump just like they do so it was intense and a great workout.

Then after Adam got home it was off to the gym for more cardio. I did 30 on the Precor machine and then 30 on the elliptical. The whole time I just kept thinking push, push push and imagine if I was on the biggest loser how hard they would push you. You just have to be your own little trainer. Its easy to lose focus and just kind of daydream. If you aren’t really focusing, you just aren’t really doing that much. On the precor there was a few moments I had to slow it down when I had this killer sideache but I just worked through it.

On the treadmill I was determined to do what I haven’t done for years. I wanted to jog the entire 30. Rah, damn sideaches. I had to stop for 7. But 23 minutes is the best I’ve done in a long time. So yeah the goal was to reach 3000 calories to burn today, and so far the bodybugg says 4161 with a couple hours still left. Wahoo!!!!

So I just need to keep this intensity, this motivation. It takes your focus all day long. I'm really proud of myself today.

Onward with the Weightloss Battle

2009-03-25T14:56:00.001-07:00

So the battle continues. Sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There are times you get hit and it takes a bit to recover. But the last thing you should do is quit and give up. And the most important thing you can do each time you fall, is review what happened so that you can try to prevent it again. If you don’t, you will most likely make the same mistake over and over again.
So I’m starting to really analyze myself and my behavior. Last week was just kind of fluky, and there is nothing you can do about monthly women’s troubles. But I can prevent other mishaps that have caused me to fall hard. One is that ever ominous and present desire to cheat. Is it a feeling of rebellion? Does it excite me knowing I’m doing something I shouldn’t? I don’t really think that is it. Could part of it be fear? Afraid of who I would be as a healthy person? A fear of losing the old excuse for everything and what you let define you as a person? Could very well be.
So I’m having to realize that this weight, the way I look does NOT define who I am as a person. I will still be myself no matter what happens. I have nothing to fear, and just so much to look forward to. I can’t be afraid of it. So that is the EMOTIONAL side of it. So quit sabotaging myself and focus on the wonderful things to look forward to.
So as far as the BEHAVIORAL side of things, there is also some preventative action to take. There is one thing I really must change. Its this learned behavior that I have taught myself, which is kind of a form of protection. Its like an avoidance of reality and pain. Whenever I’m sad, depressed, made etc, I eat. Basically, anytime things go amiss, the thought automatically appears in my brain that something fattening will magically make it all better. It just simply isn’t true. It’s a lie I’ve told myself for years. And you know, it feels partially true for like 3 seconds as you taste that glorious food, but then the reward is gone. And in its place is complete misery and you feel worse than you did before.
I’m sick of covering up the blemish and only making it worse. Its time to actually heal the problem at its source. Time to change that “automatic” reflex. If I have a bad day, something on my mind, well just deal with it. Talk it out with Adam or someone. Write about it, deal with it. Go for a walk. Do something healthy instead of making it all worse.

American Idol baby!

2009-03-23T16:39:00.001-07:00

MY AMERICAN IDOL TRI-FECTA (TOP 3):

#1:MEGAN JOY
Okay I seriously love her! And kudos to her for being able to do this practically at death’s door. Ok that may be exaggerating, but the girl was hospitalized. She did amazing. I just love her voice, its different. She sounds very much like a modern artist whom I can’t recall her name. But she also reminds me of the Mamas and the Papas. She is my favorite, and not at all because she is from Utah. She just rocks. And that weird little wiggle she does is just cute. She doesn’t have the best vocals to be honest, but I think she is a favorite for that odd way she sings and her quirky personality. I think at least top 5, but I hope for top 3.
#2: ALEXIS GRACE
Oh man Alexis!!! She is (WAS-spoiler alert) my 2nd favorite. Seriously she blew me away a few weeks back and I totally agreed with the judges how great she way. Ok, her song choice wasn’t the best. But honestly, I’m kind of mad at the judges. They told her that they wanted to see her soft side, so she tries to do something different and then they tell her that she has lost her edge. Huh!!!! So seriously, I cried when she was voted off. Can’t believe they didn’t save her. One bad choice and you are through. Such a bummer.

#3: ALLISON IRAHETA

Okay now I know she is kind of strange looking, and can be a little over the top, but I seriously love this girl. A-Mazing vocals! She is incredibly mature for one so young. I didn’t think it was her best performance though, and sorry to say but Simon was a little right when he said she is bordering on precocious. But seriously she will go far. I think top 3 because she has that rocker edge.

HONORABLE MENTION:

SCOTT MACINTYRE:

Scottie! Ok I love this guy. I don’t know why. Is it just because he is blind? It could be, because every time he sings I just cry. He is just so sweet and I want him to do well. Definitely not the best singer of the bunch. I think he can really sing with all his heart, but has kind of been doing worse and worse. Also, he needs to pick better songs. But I adore him for some reason.

MOST IMPROVED:

ANOOP DESAI:

Okay WOW. Before tonight I thought he sucked big time. Could not understand why he was picked. Was such a dork before and couldn’t hear any great voice AT ALL. But seriously, the judges know a lot better than me. Because he blew me out of the water. He did INCREDIBLE. Wow, talk about being the underdog.

THE WORST:
ADAM LAMBERT:

Ok, I’m sorry. I know he has a million fans! I feel a little bad about nominating him, but that’s just how I see it. And its funny because Adam was my FAVORITE (besides Megan) in the auditions and I have loved him before this performance. Sure he was over the top a little, drama boy. But I loved it. I love his style how he dares to be different and do what he wants.
I don’t know why I don’t feel like that any longer. But seriously, what the hell was that? He sang this really uber freaky version of the Reign of Fire song. Ok, now I’m not the biggest fan of that song anyway, but I have no clue what he was singing. That version seriously was so bizarre. Now normally bizarre is good. But the way he sang it slow, it was kind of like going to Satan’s concert or something. The trill on his high notes was just disgusting. Ick. I can’t even describe it. Hoping for better from him this week.

WEAKLY Results

2009-03-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

So I woke up Saturday with much anticipation. True to my word, I didn’t weigh in all week long. And I looked at how I did the first couple of weeks and stuck to that amount as far as caloric intake is concerned. I was so looking forward to a high weight loss. I was really expected 340 because I had done amazingly well! I had said no to so many things-all the goodies at Bonco night and everyone going to yummy places for lunch at work. I had resisted the daily urge to go out for breakfast. Now my “womanly troubles” had started, so I thought that perhaps 6 pounds was a lot to ask. I was thinking realistically that 3 would be great. I stepped on that scale, practically screaming inside “SHOW ME THE WEIGHT LOSS!” So you can imagine my total shock when I saw the # go up 3 ½ pounds. So I was 349 ½. I just stared at in total disbelief. And then the anger and just utter despair hit me. I seriously didn’t stop crying for about 2 hours. It was awful. Poor Adam. He was at the gym most of the time. He figured I was being a slacker, so after his trainer session he came back to grab me for cardio. He had no idea what he was coming home to. I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t hear the pep talk from him I just couldn’t so I told him I couldn’t talk yet. Luckily he knew I wasn’t mad at him. He did some cleaning and then went back to the gym, came back and checked on me. Finally I cried to him for nearly an hour. I told him how I just couldn’t take working so hard and not only to not lose, but to gain was just way too devastating. I didn’t want to see it again. I just couldn’t take it. I wanted to give up. What is the point? You work so hard and yet you don’t see the fruits of your labor? It just doesn’t make sense. I told him how hard it was especially because I’m working so hard on getting to a good weight for the wedding and I’m so focused and determined so I’m frustrated. That damn 350 thing is still haunting me.

He helped me figure it out. I guess you can gain up to 5 pounds on your period. We figured out that for me, I may need to work out a lot more too. I need to add some workouts in the morning. I just may have a uber slow metabolism. It may not seem fair, but we all have our obstacles. Some people have kids so they have to balance that out. We all just have things that we need to deal with. Obstacles are just a part of life. So I can either cry about it and never reach my goal, or I can step it up a few notches and figure it out. So I’m going to keep the calories the same and add the extra workouts and see if my next week’s weigh in is better. I can make some adjustments to the caloric intake if needed then.

So this morning I worked out for 30 minutes and Adam isn’t working out tonight, but I will do another video workout tonight after we have dinner at his family’s. I will not let this get the better of me, even though on Saturday for about 2-3 hours, I just about did.

The Icing on the Cake

2009-03-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have to take a moment to self-reflect here and essentially pat myself on the back a little. Yes, its taken a long long time, and I’ve gone back and forth more than Anne Heche (on the SCALE in my case anyways) But I’m truly happy about it. I can smell the 300 pound mark only a month or two from now. I honestly can’t remember when I was under 300, but I can tell you it was many years ago.

So recently I took a picture after I recently got my hair done. It had been a while since I updated my pics on MySpace & Facebook and all that. So I thought the best time is right after my hairdresser did it. They always seem to do It better than I can. So anyway I updated my pictures and that was that. I honestly had no idea the comments that would be made.
In MySpace, I used to talk on the forums, months ago. Lately every once in a while I will get on and chat. A lot of the same people I used to chat with are on there. A couple people started commenting on how great I looked, and I thought it was just the new hairdo. But then suddenly people are making tons of comments in the forum and a few sent me personal messages saying over and over how much weight I have lost and how they can totally tell. I was floored.
Some of the comments:

"You look awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...................... Seriously, how much have you lost now!!!"

"YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!"

"Hope you and your SO are doing great. You look wonderful!"

"Wow, you look like you've knocked off another 40 pounds since your last pic. At least. Good work!"

"You do look great... love your hair too."

"BTW, Holly you look great. I can see a remarkable difference from your earlier photos to now in terms of weight loss. The cute cut suits you well too."

"Wow did you shave off 200 pounds or something……"

I mean wow! I can’t believe people could tell so much and that they are talking about ME of all people. But I keep forgetting, although lately I’ve only lost so much, at my heaviest I was 414 and I have some pics at that weight on MySpace. So I’ve really done great! I just need to keep it up. I know I can do it.

Yes the 350 mark has kinda kicked my ass. I seem to get stuck there a lot. I have gone from 350-380 like 85 times in the last 4 years. But that doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t change that. Yeah it would be great if I had just kept at it and then I’d be at my ideal now. But I didn’t. All I can really do now is LEARN from it. Just make sure that I keep at it. When I fall, I just need to get right back up and keep plugging away. I am a lucky girl. I have the time, I have the know-how, the support, I have all the resources, and we all know I have the gumption! So yee haw baby, the sky is the limit!

Oh wow those comments thought! The important thing is that I’m changing my life. I’m actually DOING it for once, and not just talking about it. That is the important thing. I will feel so much better on my wedding day AND I will be in a much better position to have babies!
I may be focusing on it a tad bit too much, but I have to admit it’s totally awesome people noticing. I can’t lie about that. I know its just one of the fringe benefits, but it feels incredible. It makes my smile really really big! It truly is the icing on the cake.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

2009-03-19T10:25:00.001-07:00

I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good.

I really am determined to lose at least 4 pounds, hopefully 6 by Saturday. I’m working hard.

Diet Coke Blues

2009-03-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

Monday, March 16, 2009
Meh. Whose brilliant plan was this to have no Diet soda? Oh yeah M-I-N-E. It’s funny, Adam’s mom lost all her weight and drank Diet Coke like it was water. For some reason it just affects me more. I really get all uber bloaty and it just makes it increasingly difficult to lose weight. But damn, I love that stuff. Its like Mother’s milk to her. Hee hee, that is a movie quote but probably most people wouldn’t get it. (The actual quote is “Gin was like mother’s milk…”. Google it!

So yeah anyway, have you ever noticed as soon as you restrict something, its ALL you want, all you can think about??? Arggh. Trust me this morning I’m hearing that gorgeous sound over and over of when someone opens up a can of pop. Ahhh, only a true addict can really relish the sound of that. I liken it to the beautiful sound candy makes being poured into a glass dish. Rain falling on the pavement, or money falling to the ground. OMG I’m pathetic! Let’s just hope on the training videos at work I’m making that I’m not putting pictures of Diet Coke or slogans into it. See, this is why I can’t give my little sister too much guff for smoking. I have way more addiction problems than she could ever dream of, so I’m certainly not one to judge.
Oh sheesh, now someone is making popcorn and I can smell that glorious buttery smell. Mmmmmm, all I need to be happy is Diet Coke, butter, and chocolate brownies with frosting, but not all necessarily together.

But truthfully I’m not hungry. This morning I had my one egg, one egg white, oatmeal, and a banana. Then for a snack I had an apple, cottage cheese, and some soy nuts. It will certainly tide me over until lunch. So quit complaining!

…..So its nearly lunch time. I’ve had 2 cups of coffee and 2 containers of 24 ounces of water. And it just seems to go right through me. Yep, been to the bathroom roughly 6 times today. Sheesh But it must be done people. I need to get to that 200 pounds by next April.
Yup, we moved the date up to April. If I lose 4 pounds a week until then I could be to about 200. If I work hard and don’t cheat I know I can do it!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I don’t know why, but somehow I thought it would be easier today going without the Diet Coke lol. I am still peeing like every 3 seconds practically.

But I’m doing really good. People are eating pizza and yummy Chinese food and the scents are permeating the air, but I’m just shrug my shoulders and am doing just great. If I lose my 6 pounds I can have a nice cheat on Saturday so I’m all good

Bowling Nazi

2009-03-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

So Sunday night we went bowling with Adam’s family @ the All Star Lanes in Sandy. Everything was going great until this family got the lanes next to us. Now I’m as big of a fan as the next person when it comes to taking pictures. But I’m pretty sure these guys must’ve been visiting from another planet where bowling doesn’t exist. It’s the only way I can explain why it’s really necessary to take about 10 pictures each and EVERY time someone in their party would bowl. Yeah seriously, I’m barely exaggerating here.
At first it was kind of cute to watch. They were teaching their little ones to bowl. Who doesn’t love kids. I love kids, they’re delicious. (Totally kidding-that one is for you Ian who doesn’t even read my blog lol).
Well and you know the whole bowling etiquette where you need to wait for the person next to you, and then you go. It’s just kind of a courtesy thing that we all like to practice. Well it kept getting increasingly more difficult and annoying. It would take like 3 minutes for the dad to teach the ol’ bowling skills, while all the kids are up there no matter whose turn it was to bowl. So there is at least a kid or two in our lane. I guess their kids getting hit by a bowling ball wasn’t a fear they had.
When things like this happen you have to think that the parents are just so in the moment they are probably not even noticing how their kids are disturbing you. Its hard to keep track of everything. But it just kinda went too far when the mom would come into our lane to take a few pictures. Sheesh people, there are other people who exist in this world besides yourself. How does one get to be so flippin’ annoying and obnoxious. I mean seriously, are they conscious of it, do they value their own importance over yours or are they just completely oblivious. Who knows?
So finally, I’m about at the end of my rope, when Valerie (future mother-in-law) tells them that they really can’t be in our lane where we are trying to bowl. Oh it was seriously awesome. I was expecting them to apologize profusely and be embarrassed, which is what I would have done. I would have been highly mortified.
But not these guys-no siree. They were indeed shocked at her gall to call them on their crap. They just kept glaring at us and Valerie like we were the spawn of Satan or something. Oh it was highly enjoyable. I couldn’t stop smiling to myself. The husband kept commenting that there was going to be a cat fight.
Bring it on bitches. Ha ha. But seriously, try to be considerate of others and realize that they do exist and that you and your existence isn’t the only one that matters. Just TRY. And don’t be afraid to call people out on things. Its not mean. Its just standing up for yourself.

2009-03-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

PICTURES:

Above on left is my fat picture-when I was at my heaviest 414. To the right is me on Saturday at 346. :)

WORKOUT:

Cardio-20 minutes Precor machine, 10 minutes Elliptical, 20 minutes Stairclimber

Leg Workout-2 leg lift types, calf raises, jump ups, step ups, inner thigh

DAILY PROGRESS:

CALORIC INTAKE: 1930

CALORIES BURNED: 3959

DEFECIT: 1830

WEIGHT ON SATURDAY: 346

SUMMARY:

Well I'm actually pretty pleased with today. I am 346, or at least I was on Saturday, Dissapointing, but I had gone up to 349 the other day, so I'm doing good.

I have a very firm goal this week to be 340 by Saturday. I can't weigh myself until then. No cheating and actually no Diet coke. Arrghh its gonna be a tough week.

I think I just let it get to me. Its silly but somehow work can seem such a big temptation. Its so hard to smell everyone's fries every day and see their yummy cheese melting on their supreme nachos. And walking past the front desk and all the chocolate in the world available at your fingertips. Arghh its annoying. But it wasn't just work, just in the morning I was sleeping in and a couple of times I was doing the McDonald's thing. Oh my am I weak!!!!

This week we've been talking about cruises and the wedding and everything and boy its all coming up really soon.

So no more excuses. I don't have time for excuses. I can't miss the gym, and I need to stick to the food plan. Hello, its really not that hard. Its not like I'm working out for hours and hours killing myself like they do on the Biggest Loser. And I get to have a lot of calories at this weight. And on Saturdays I get to have a big cheat meal, so seriously why do I complain????

Yeah, I could have normal people food and eat some bad stuff every once in a while, if I'd had control in the past. But the point is, that I didn't. There were times I was eating out 2 or 3 times a day. Ok not that bad always, but there just was little control. I was eating way too many calories and not exercising with consistancy.

And honestly, right now no one is making me eat this way. I could go back to my old ways and weigh 400 pounds again. But I don't want to do that. I really don't. I want to be at a normal weight. I want to fit in a seat at the plane and not have an extension on the seat belt. I want to be able to by clothing at any clothing store. I want to be able to ride on a roller coaster. I want to be able to have children and run and play with them.

Therefore, I must put in the hard work and the sacrifice.

HARD WORK + EATING RIGHT = MY DREAMS COMING TRUE

Big Love = Biiiiig Controversy

2009-03-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

Have you heard how Big Love is airing an episode showing LDS temple ceremonies?

Even though I personally no longer practice this religion, I’m very bothered by this! An ex-mormon is overseeing all of it to ensure the authenticity of the sacred LDS temple ceremonies. ICK. Is nothing sacred anymore??? Shame on him. Are we not capable of showing each other some R-E-S-P-E-C-T?

Ok I get he is ex-mormon for some reason. Totally his decision-whatever. He probably doesn’t believe in that anymore-who cares? Its his prerogative to believe as he wants, but we have to realize that our actions can impact others.

It stands to reason that due to his knowledge, he obviously was endowed at some time, as that is pretty much the only way to become privy to such things. He knows these ceremonies are very sacred to people. Although they no longer perhaps have meaning for him, he knows that there are many who still believe in it. As such, I find his behavior unacceptable. And yet he has no problem whatsoever doing it to make a buck. No doubt it will be a highly viewed episode.

I would like to think that most of us are respectful and would never knowingly/willingly trample or expose something sacred to another, so I find this extremely disturbing. I’m terribly vexed about it. Indeed I should focus on my own faults, and there are many people. But I’m just a big enough brat, that if I knew this guy I would not hesitate to give him a piece of my mind and the wrath of my sharp tongue.

Dare to Dream: Surfer Girl

2009-03-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

SURFS UP!!!!!
I decided to start something new.....Dreams! What do you dream about? Well I have LOTS of dreams. Especially about when I'm healthy. I need to focus more on the positive and focus on the reasons I'm doing these, even ones that may seem silly. So to get me motivated, I'm constantly going to just blog about something that I look forward to.

WHY SURFING?:
Why surfing? Well why the hell not!!! Maybe the beach boys are to blame. I grew up listening to those songs.

But honestly, I love love love sports of any kind. Never gotten big into many of the water sports, but I would sure love the opportunity.
The bitch of it, is that when you are this big, there are many things you simply cannot do physically. And I HATE not being able to do things.
In Utah they now have one of those water machines where you can practice surfing. Its just something that I really want to try out. It just looks like so much fun.
So to be able to be comfortable and physically capable of doing it is EVERYTHING.
I guess this is my way of starting a FAT Bucket List. So consider surfing on the list.

Manic Monday

2009-03-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

Just another Manic Monday.......who uh oh.........Come on you know you were just singing it too! Wahoo I love the 80's!
WORKOUT:
OOOPS!!!!
SUMMARY:
Calories BURNED: 3065 (Target -3000) WaHoO!!! even with NO workout. (Had to do some cleaning etc to get that calorie burned up)
Calories CONSUMED: 1919 (Target - 2000) Keep it up!
Calories DEFICIT: 1146 (Target - 1000) I did it and that is what matters!!! Whos needs the gym? Ha ha, just kidding.....mostly
WeIgHt: 349 (::sighs:: Its okay. Whats done is done. Moving on. )

MY THOUGHTS:
I still need to kick it up a notch, I seem to be going through the motions. But at least I'm keeping track of everything and I'm meeting my goals. So my feeling is that I definitely will see a loss this week.

Sunday Fun Day

2009-03-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ick. I HaTe springing forward! I mean, whose idea was this???? Let’s get this person and string them up by their toenails and then whip them with wet noodles. I much prefer when the time changes and you GAIN an hour.

Hmmmph. What a WhInEr I am today! Feeling so w-e-i-r-d-i-s-h. Head is kind of pounding and tummy is feeling strange again.

WORKOUT:

24 minutes treadmill: (1.0 for a measly 2 minutes, jogging 4 measly minutes. Speed 3.2
16 minutes elliptical: Random, level 4
Leg lifts: 3 x 10 reps
Lunges: 1 set of 24ish
Calf Raises: 6 sets of 10 reps
Inner Thigh: 3 sets x 10 reps
Outer Thigh: 3 sets x 10 reps

SUMMARY:

Calories BURNED: 3132 (Target -3000) WaHoO!!!

Calories CONSUMED: 1889 (Target - 2000) KILLER!!!

Calories DEFICIT: 1243 (Target - 1000) Totally TUBULAR!

all in all, I did GREAT today. Need to do this good EVERY today.

2 Totally Awesome Pet Peeves

2009-03-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

To be truthful, I have MANY pet peeves, more so than I could even hope to blog about, but there are 2 recent ones I wanted to comment about.

#1: People talking on their cell phones in the bathroom!!!!

Ok seriously people, what are you doing?!!!! Cell phones are great, and I admit with my sisters after talking for 2 hours I've done it, but in the PRIVACY of my own home.

Seriously, I'm pretty sure this is not exactly what Alexander Graham Bell had in mind all those years ago. He did not invent the telephone so you could continue your social life in the facilities.

I know you are all luvy duvy tight, but do you honestly think your hubby or home boy really wants to hear you tinkle tinkle? Ick, if he does please keep that to yourself and take it somewhere private.

Aren't you embarassed to do this? You really should be. If you have no shame, can you please have respect for your fellow pottiers like me at least? I don't want my business going across the horn to your homies ok!!!

If you don't care about being polite, can you at least think of the germs!!! They say cell phones have more germs that anything. You want to know why??? Its because of people like YOU.

And if you don't stop, I make this solemn promise to you offenders! The next time, I swear that is exactly the time I will start flushing the toilet. And I may just flush all of them just to spite you.

#2 Tatiana Del Toro.
Ok if you watch American Idol at all, you HAVE to know who this is. She has the most annoying laugh in the universe, and is seriously one of the only people who has been completely desserving of Simon's rude rants.

I don't know about you, but bursted out in hysterics when the judges picked her to come back for a second chance for last night's performance. I honestly feel this is a case where they just want good tv.

However, last night I only heard one of the infamous annoying laughs, but Tatiana never dissapoints. Suddenly out of nowhere she is suddenly speaking with a Puerto Rican accent that prior to this she had NEVER displayed. This was completely hysterical! So thank you Tatiana for making my evening and thank the ol' American Idol God however that I no longer need to be tortured by the only song you know how to sing and your bizarre, attention-seeking antics.

Jason-The Bachelor: Prince or Prick?

2009-03-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

So this past season of the Bachelor was filled with quite a bit of contraversy. Do you love or hate the bachelor Jason?

Before I get into my take on Jason, first I want to talk about the show. It was my first time watching the entire season. And I have to say that it was incredibly fascinating and slightly disturbing.

Isn't it kind of weird that there is a show about a guy and the 25 women going after him? I mean if you want that, why not just go to a singles ward in the LDS church? Hee hee j/k. but seriously, its kind of revolting that the women are basically fighting over the guy. So he is going to date all of them, get rid of ones he doesn't want. And when it gets down to the one he wants, he is actually going to propose on National TV. Wowser!!!! So why do we watch? Because the fact that its so unbelievable that people would try to fall in love on tv and have no problem with the world watching is fascinating!

I mean here you see the guy go from date to date, making out and kissing with all the different women, him stating how much he is falling in love with all of them. How much more entertaining can you get?

I was completely drawn in. Now this guy actually had his heart broken when he was on the Bachelorette. So he was a bigtime favorite when they chose him for the Bachelor. He had a son for crying out loud, an adorable son. He is sweet and full of life. Every girls dream guy. He just wanted to find someone to share his life with and fall in love with and join his little world with his son. Its not that he is terribly hot, because honestly he is no Tom Cruise. But the more you watch, the more you can see how these women fell for his personality and how he seems cuter every episode.

I was excited for him. Some of the girls seemed really great. And of course there were enough pathetic weirdos to make us all laugh. And of course with women you always have drama so I enjoyed every moment.

So you really get into it. You wonder who he will choose, you try to guess. You have your favorites etc.

So anyway this past week was the finale. It finally came down to 2 women.

MOLLY:

MELISSA:

Jason explained how he was in love with BOTH women. He seemed to have a great connection with each of them. He made it out like he loved both of them and could see a life with either of them, so he seemed really torn as they both met his family.

But honestly I think all of America expected him to pick Molly from the get go. Now I loved Melissa. Molly seemed to be a little too pushy in some things. But he seemed to have a strongly, more real connection. In fact, Molly seemed to be more sincere and in love with him than Melissa. There was no doubt in my mind when it came down to the end who he would pick.

In fact the women themselves seemed to know. Molly was all smiles, even though she claimed to be nervous, she was planning on ending up with Jason. There simply was no other alternative in her mind.

Melissa on the other hand looked really nervous. It was as though she knew she was going home. So nothing could have prepared me for this:

Jason actually rejected Molly! I was completely shocked. Molly herself was perplexed. She told Jason how he was making a mistake. He actually said to her he couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her but that he had to because he was in love with someone else. It seemed to me, a particularly cruel way to tell her his choice, because it started off like he was going to pick her. she just kept saying she was making a mistake and he let her go and he just cried and cried. I kept thinking, um you know you just made a mistake. You could see it in his face. But then he goes on to propose to Melissa.

It took me a bit to digest this, but they seemed so happy, I guess he really loved her right? Who knows, maybe these things can work out. Maybe you really can find love on tv. And you just hope they live happily ever after.

But then guess what happens people? Not only did they break up, but they broke up on live television. Jason decided after spending time with Melissa over the holidays that the chemistry was no longer there. He said he had feelings for Molly that he could not forget.

So instead of talking to her, they actually extend the season, which I'm sure thrills the network, but he tells her this on tv. Can you imagine this poor girl? So then they bring Molly on the show and Jason tells her that he broke up with Melissa and wants a chance with her. After much shock, she agrees to do it. Then they show part 2 of this which is 6 weeks later where Jason tries to defend his actions and they say how happy they've been etc and he says how proud of his actions he is.

Ok, I get that things don't work out sometimes. Sometimes you make the wrong choice. but here is my question:

Why the hell did he have break the poor girl's heart on tv? The executive producer said a lot in Jason's defense, but he admitted that Jason was NOT contractually obligated to do the break-up on life televison. So why did he do it?

I'm nearly positive I know the answer: MONEY.

I'm sure he got paid thousands if he would do it on tv. If he was such the great guy that he seemed, he would have been honest and upfront like he was, but he would NOT have done it on tv.

So Mr. Jason Mesnick, you may have seemed like a prince, but I find you are a total and complete prick of the worst kind. If Jason was an ice cream flavor, he would be pralines and dick.

Granny's Got a Gun!!!!!

2009-03-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

…………or at least at times it has kinda felt like that. Now you need to know, I love and adore my Grandmother more than anything. I am very close to her and she means the world to me.
However, she is a woman who speaks her mind. Sometimes its kind of like she has no filter. Now, I can be brazen myself, and have told her many things, but never have told her this. Sadly she has offended us at times. But I don’t often get offended, especially because I know she just loves us and wants the best for us. I don’t think it occurs to her that this brutal honestly can be……well brutal!
Examples? Well I observed this at a young age. For years I never understand why when Grandma was coming over we had to clean for days. And to be honest, our house was way clean. Sometimes if you took too long in the bathroom, my mother had already put your homework away. So anyway, one time she came and my job had been the living room. I had to vacuum under the cushions even and all around and under the couches. When my grandmother came and sat down, she dusted off the cushion, as if there was anything there! I suddenly realized why we took such measures. My poor mother. Oh she and grandma were close and all that. But, here she would clean for hours and hours, and my grandmother would lecture her on how the rose bushes needed trimming. Hopefully my mother understood, and at least she probably does now that my grandmother was just trying to help, she didn’t realize she comes off as overly critical.
So anyway, sometimes I feel like its my job to say things to my grandmother that my mother never had a chance to say when she was alive. I swear she tries to speak through me, as weird as that sounds. One thing my grandmother always told me was about my weight. Things like “Oh Holly, if you could only lose weight, we could get you married. You have such a pretty face and cute personality”.
One time in particular I’d had enough, and my sister Jen LOVES this story and still to this day can’t believe I said it. I was living with my grandfather who was a dr. He has now passed on. He was eye surgeon but for years practiced general medicine. Now I loved him dearly as well, but good grief he could also hound people about their weight. And nothing was good enough for him. If I told him I lost 3 pounds that week, he wondered why it wasn’t 5. If I was somewhere besides the gym, he wondered why I wasn’t there. Yet when I came back from the gym he told me that working out would only make me hungrier. It could be exasperating. Well he had just lectured me and put up some fat jokes/cartoons on the fridge and then my doctor had given me the “morbid obese” lecture all in the same week.
And then I headed to see my dear grandmother. I hoped that weight would not be brought up as I was feeling kind of low. Sadly it did come up. She gave me the whole “pretty face but fat ass” routine. (lol, she never said I had a fat ass I promise). I took it for a bit and then something in me just flipped out. I was sick to death of people telling me what I already knew.
So I told her how I really felt. I told her that when she says things like that it hurt my feelings, so much in fact that I would go home and eat ice cream after seeing her because that is what fat people do when they are sad.
I continued by telling her that unless she was going to pay for me to go on Jenny Craig or something that I no longer wanted to hear a word about it from her. I was well aware of the fact that I’m as huge as a whale, and am trying to rectify the situation. And besides I declared “Fat people get married all the time!”
I was so livid. And truly, she never brought anything up about weight for a good year.
So every time I tell her about my new “diet of the month”, it is with much hesitation. But I had to tell her about the body bugg. She is very excited for me, and impressed with how Adam has lost 80 pounds.
But anyway, it was kind of funny, the last time we went and saw her, she told me she knew exactly why Jen and I weren’t chosen for the Biggest Loser. My mind raced, bracing myself for something excruciatingly insulting. She told me that we didn’t make it because we are in no way big enough. I smiled. How inaccurate a statement that was, she had no idea. Then I think I gave her the shock of her life when I told her that at my heaviest I was 414. I really don’t think she believes me.
So how funny, the kindest think someone could say came from her. Thank you grandma! When you get a compliment from her, it really is one. She certainly isn’t one to blow sunshine up your butt.

I'm a little less fat!!!!!

2009-03-03T11:03:00.000-08:00

THE RESULTS OF WEEK FOUR!!!!

STARTING WEIGHT: 356

WEEK 1: 350 (Righteous!)

WEEK 2: 345 (Wahfreakinghoo!!!)

WEEK 3: 349 (Totally bogus, heinus. Most non-triumphant)

WEEK 4: 344.5 (Success!!!!)

My Hunky Dorey Progress!!!

2009-02-25T15:07:00.000-08:00

Goal is to have at least 1000 defecit daily. Doing good so far!

I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I DRAG MYSELF UP AGAIN

2009-02-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 21, 2009
6:00 AM
Oh I’m so very tired! Thank heaven I don’t have to get up right now. Oh, I hate how I get up so much to pee. Look how sweet Adam looks in his sleep. So funny that he sleeps with a pillow on his head. What a nut!
Oh! I should go weigh in. It’s been another week. Wahoo! I’m pretty sure I didn’t do as good this week, but I really think I will lose 2-3 pounds. Monday was pretty bad, but the rest of the days I really did good.
Huh!!!!! 350??? How can that be? I was 345. I gained 5 pounds! Oh please tell me this is a dream.
9:00 AM
I guess it wasn’t a dream. I just can’t believe this seriously. I feel just like giving up. That 350 I swear is a curse. It’s like my body won’t let me leave it. I can’t get up right now. I don’t want to go to the gym. I don’t want to come home and clean. I just want to cry and sleep forever. What is the point? How could I have gained? I’m so sick of this! All this hard work and now to gain? I can’t handle it. Adam really wants to get going but I just can’t stop wallowing in self-pity.
4:39 PM
Well I didn’t give up! I went to the gym and I got re-inspired anew. Worked out hard. After all it is my time of month. Who knows? Things just happen.

I really pushed myself hard at the gym. On the treadmill I kept bumping up the incline and made myself jog as much as I could-12 minutes. Once I couldn't jog anymore I turned up the speed and kept increasing the incline, pushing myself to the max.

After that I did 30 minutes on the Precor machine. Listened to my fast music so I would keep the pace up. I moved it up to level 7 which is a pretty high restistance for me. Its so worth it though.

sometimes it feels hard, but Boo hoo stop crying and keep working hard. It will all pay off in the end. I just need to focus on the big picture ya’ll. Keep eating right and exercising and it will pay off. I will get in that wedding dress and when I go on that cruise a few months later, I will be at a healthy weight.

Steady as a Rock……Finally!

2009-02-18T21:49:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY
Today seemed to drag and drag!!! We were so looking forward to our cheat. We’d been good all week long. Worked so hard and exercised so much. I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into one of those Philadelphian sandwiches! I seriously wanted to march in there and scream “I want the biggest thing you have with cheese!” I know some people don’t believe in cheats, but seriously it was such motivation to stick to it the rest of the week. Every day coworkers ate their cheeseburger and fries or tacos. It was hard saying no to the candy bowl after walking past it 10 times a day and I wanted ice cream and donuts, but every time I had these cravings I just kept thinking “Hold on! You can make it until Saturday!
Oh and finally the time came! We seriously couldn’t drive there fast enough. We ordered our food and also went to Iceberg. I discovered my favorite flavor there is the Caramel Pecan. Oh yummy!
Well after all the wait, the sandwich wasn’t all that great. And their onion rings were actually really gross. Oh but the shake was so delicious!
But we were so sick, especially Adam. Now he doesn’t even want to go back there ever, and its his favorite place!!!! So I guess that’s what cheating too much teaches you.

MONDAY
Well for family night it was the birthday of like a bazillion people in Adam’s family so we went to the Bonsaii. Oh my gosh what a fun place! I’d never been there before. They make the food right in front of you, these funny Japanese men. They even throw food at you. It’s quite the entertainment!
But yikes it was so much food!!! A lot of it was quite healthy, and we really did try to be good, but mercy!

TUESDAY
Time to pay the piper! Rah I gained back 3 pounds. No worries though. I can lose it and more by Saturday. Nothing will get in my way now.
I worked out so hard today it’s unbelievable. I worked out in the morning and then at night when Adam had the trainer. I worked out for nearly 3 hours today. I did a ton of cardio and the leg workout from hell. Seriously I showed no mercy to myself! This will hopefully really pay off though.

WEDNESDAY
Wow, seriously wow! I lost the 3 pounds already. Yesterday was worth it! Oh I wish I had seen that BEFORE I slept in and missed my extra workout. Rah! I have a cold again and my legs were hurting so bad! This is what made it so hard to work out. Seriously, how do those people on the Biggest Loser workout for 5 hours or whatever they do??? I consider myself to be pretty athletic and that 3 hours nearly killed me. Kudos to them! I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!
BTW I was watching it at the gym, which hello is so motivating!!! I seriously love that show. I nearly cried when the brown team did NOT get kicked off. Wahoo!!!!
It’s the only show I’ll let myself watch at the gym. I have found that music is so much better. If you are trying to lose weight and have a hard time at the gym, you seriously need to invest in an ipod. You also need to have a playlist specifically for the gym. I put really fast music on there. I highly recommend really fast and fun music. I really love 80’s music like “Hey Mickey”. Billy Jean rocks. My favorite though has been Elvis. Don’t laugh. My mom loved Elvis so she must approve. Anyway for reals, his fast music is so fast-paced. Don’t believe me? Listen to “Hound Dog”, “Jailhouse Rock”, or “I’m All Shook Up”. Listen to that and I guarantee you start moving on that machine twice as fast. You can’t help it. But beware, the people next to you just might give you crusties for looking so happy while working out.
Tonight we had something really yummy. You can only have chicken and veggies so many nights in a row. So we had ground turkey and cut up like 3 green peppers and 3 onions. Mixed it all together with manwich. We ate it with no bread, and it was delicious. Honestly with the sauce, you can’t even tell that its not hamburger and you don’t miss the bread. Its wonderful!

WHAT ARE RESULTS???? WEEK 2

2009-02-14T09:39:00.000-08:00

Has she actually stuck to the program? Ususally no news is bad news from this chicky!!!!!
All right I won't keep you in suspense any longer!!!!!

START WEIGHT: 356
LAST WEEK: 350
TODAY'S WEIGHT: 345!!!!!
WEIGHT LOSS: 11 POUNDS

I haven't been perfect, in fact last night Adam got chocolates from work and we ate a lot of them!!!! But for the most part I was really really good. I seriously lived at the gym practically!

I just stuck to it. I keep wearing this Bodybugg and it helps me. I've been looking forward to our big cheat tonight. Since I've ost more than ten so far and Adam reached a big goal we are truly having a big cheat, not just a shake. A whole meal and dessert. MMMM its going to be glorious. I know they say don't reward yourself with food, and maybe that works for some people, but I have to have the good stuff everyone once in a while. Once a week isn't bad!!!

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days!!!!

2009-02-09T20:44:00.000-08:00

3 DAYS IN REVIEW:

Saturday-Monday:

SATURDAY:
Nothing special about today other than the fact that it was weigh in day! I was pretty pumped all day and felt pretty strong. It was a little bit challenging at a party I went to that night. There was lots of yummy foods and I had to remain strong. I just kept in mind my goal of being 345 by the next Saturday so I was really good.
We got up early to exercise and it was so nice to get it done with already earlier than normal and have so many calories already burned. It really gave me a boost.
Exercise: 60 minutes elliptical-1015 calories

SUNDAY:
Today we went out to eat for lunch. We had a salad, but I have noticed we have more calories when we eat out, even when you choose items so you have to be careful to not do it too much.
We actually saw two movies today, and I’m really proud of us that we were really good. Its not easy. The smell of the buttered popcorn hits you right when you walk in. Through the movie you hear people eating in, and those lovely Coke commercials and everything. Luckily I can have my Diet Coke this week so I was sated in that respect! It really felt like a treat having one.
The hardest was at the second theatre-Jordan Commons. For some reason we were both just craving like crazy! And they have the most wonderful foods. I think I was just super craving more than normal but I’m very proud I didn’t give in. And it was hard, because the ice cream and the fudge looked so yummy.
Workout today was really hard. I was so tired afterwards and sore.
Exercise: 30 minutes elliptical- 381 calories; 30 minutes Precor machine-515 calories

MONDAY:
Today wasn’t bad at all. I’m just sticking to everything as I need to be. They even had pizza brought in for everyone. I wasn’t even tempted. I even got some for a coworker and I will admit the smell was wonderful. But I was hungry. I just add my chicken salad and it filled me up and I was satisfied! The candy at the front desk and chocolate at my boss’s desk didn’t even tempt me much.
I did a stupid thing tonight. After the gym Adam weighed in. He is trying to get to 190 by tomorrow so he weighed in and I thought I would weigh in too. I was 354. Adam immediately encouraged me and pointed out that I might have been weighing myself wrong. He noticed at the 350 that I had pushed it too far and it’s the maximum amount below (its one of those old doctor’s scale) so I may not have weighed what I thought I did last week. He also pointed out that I will weigh less in the morning anyway. Well we will see what I weigh tomorrow. I really should think about just having Diet Coke on the weekends because that is a reason I could have gone up too…..we shall see tomorrow.
Exercise: 60 minutes Precor machine-832 calories; shoulders-203 calories

It's Been a Hard Week.......

2009-02-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

Hey, I'm not gonna pretty it up. I'd love to say, oh it was easy, just eat right and exercise and that did it. Easy as pie. Well it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as hell. I lost 6 pounds!!!! Wahoo.

But I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This has been really hard. The work has been hard. It has taken everything I have to give, and will continue doing so in so many areas. To name a few:

1. BODY: My body hurts! Every day and all the time. I feel like I'm big time whining, but its true. I have muscles aching that I didn't know I had. I have a bum knee that hurts. My legs always ache for some reason. My back I've always had problems with. Sometimes its all I can do to stay and work out at the gym. But this is what is required to get what I want, and I'm willing to do what it takes. And I guess every time I complain, I sit there and think, hey it WILL get better if I keep it up. And honestly, it is my fault it got so bad. And thats ok to admit. I dont hate myself or anything. Its just a reality. I forgive myself. Its how I coped with some really hard things.
But I have to admit, although Adam has to drag me, I do kind of love the burn. I love how I feel after a hard workout. I love when I'm there and pushing myself to the max on most days. (You know besides the off days where you wish you were sleeping or eating a donut).....I'm just so proud of this change I'm making. So I just have to remind myself that its so worth it and that it is paying off. I will see the results I want eventually. Another thing, I quite enjoy doing what people think I couldn't do at this weight. Above all, I just enjoy pushing myself and doing more than I ever thought possible.

2. MIND: Ok so this is a big one too. I haven't always been ready in the past. For years I've lived in victim mode where I blame the world. Or perhaps I blame my parents at times for all the drama we've had to deal with. But none of that is helpful. That just is my way of not taking responsibility and telling myself its okay to eat 5 donuts because after all my mother accidentally killed herself and my father was incarcerated. I desserve it, right? Actually no, I desserve better. Not because of what I've been through. We all have our trials. But because I'm human I desserve to be happy. I desserve to be healthy. ITS UP TO ME! I can do this. Its in my hands. So its up to me. Do I want to have children and be able to run around with them, or do I want to eat McDonald's every morning?

3. DETERMINATION: Its all about consistancy. Above all, this is my biggest weakness. But you have to be able to get back up again, no matter how many times you fall of the horse. If you really want to taste that sucess, well stop tasting the sweets!!! If you get off, get right back on and quickly. That is what I'm reminding myself of all the time! Stop looking in the past and focus on the future! Who cares that I've gotten to 350 like 35 times. This is the last time I will weigh that. My goal is to be 345 on Saturday.

4. PATIENCE: This is the thing I struggle with the most. You see results, but you want them quicker. You want to be in that bikini in a couple of months. But you have to be realistic. It didn't come in one day, you aren't going to lose it in one day. I'm learning this. I need to celebrate small sucesses! Ah hah! See, I caught myself. Small???? How is 6 pounds small??? That is huge!

In summary, I guess I'm just sick of all the bullcrap, all the whining and excuses. I'm not going to stop working hard, because that is what it takes. I will be healthy at my wedding and be able to have children with Adam. We will go on family hikes!
I know I'm not going to be perfect. I will mess up. but thats ok. I also know I will work hard and I'm going to stick to it. How will I do that? By knowing I can and just doing it. This Bodybugg is really working for me. I'm understanding the science of weight loss like I never have before.
Why is this time different from all the other times? Well I know the things I need to change, my weaknesses. One is that as soon as I see success, I think I'm done and I quit. Another, I get sad when I don't lose. Well that isn't going to happen. I'm doing really good and working hard. And if I have a week I don't lose as much I'm prepared for it. I will be happy at every step closer to my goal I take. I'm also committed entirely this time and that is the difference.

I LOST A SMALL BOWLING BOWL

2009-02-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

LAST WEEK: 356 lbs
THIS WEEK: 350 lbs

WAHOO!!!!!! I love my Bodybugg ya'll! Just need to stick to it

I continue to BURN more CALORIES than I eat :)

2009-02-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Friday, February 6, 2009

Saturday, February 7, 2009

2009-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Well I'm still so motivated. Today we went somewhere for lunch, but luckily it was a healthy place. I had to be extra careful today because its our day off from the gym so I didn't want to pack on too many calories.

I am SO proud of myself!!!! I just got to keep it going. My goal was 2 pounds, but I would seriously love to lose 5 pounds by Saturday. We'll see how it goes!

I’m Not the Biggest Loser?????

2009-02-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, February 4, 2009:
So after our workout last night Adam mentions to me that I should weight myself this morning just to kind of see how I’m doing. I was stoked to hear him say this because typically he believes you should only weigh once a week. So I was very excited to weigh in, especially after another tough work out last night and after watching the Biggest Loser.
So this morning I leaped onto that scale! Show me the weight loss! I’m happy to say that I have lost 2 ½ pounds so far. But soon thereafter, disappointment crept in. I think I was comparing myself to the folks on the Biggest Loser and how my sister had lost 10. I thought about how I’ve exercised really hard every day and am being so much better about nutrition, so for a few minutes I was rather melancholy.
So I had to slap myself silly to get me to wake up! Sheesh, I only started this thing Saturday afternoon, so its almost a pound a day that I have lost. I am crazy to expect more than that. This IS great. Whats the saying-Rome wasn’t built in a day? There is so much truth to that. Plus, I can’t compare myself to the people on the Biggest Loser. It is their full time job to lose weight. They work out for hours and hours as they are away from their jobs and normal obligations. You can’t expect yourself to lose like they do. It just doesn’t happen! And how impatient am I! Sheesh. I need to work on this, and not get angry and frustrated and sabotage my efforts. My goal is 8-10 pounds a month, so having already lost 2 ½ in just a few short days is well on the way!
You really have to reteach yourself in many ways. Reprogram that brain of yours. Be happy about every small success, because in the long run they will be huge! Just need to keep at it and be patient

Bodybugg Results - Day Two!!!!

2009-02-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 2, 2009

Wahoo! I have to not look at the Calories burned because that is so hard to meet. I just need to focus on the DEFECIT! Wahoo. The goal is for it to be 1000 calories and it is!!! Wahoo. I'm waiting to weigh in until Saturday. I'm so focused and so motivated!

Bodybugg Results Day 1

2009-02-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

So below is the main graph. I met my target goal! If I do this every day this week then I should at least lose 2 pounds.

Line 1-This is the target amount of calories you want to burn each day

Line 2-This is the target amount of calories you should consume (or stay under amount)

Line 3-This is your defecit. You want it to be DEFECIT (means you have burned more than you consumed)

NUTRITION:

Kudos to me! I did a good job!

NUTRIENTS:

Hmm, this gives one some perspective. I need to lower the cholesterol and fat and sodium and make the fiber higher!

STEPS

So this is really cool! Great job.

OVERALL:

I think I did really great :) I did weigh myself and as promised to my boyfriend since I didn't lose 2 pounds last week I have to not consume any diet soda! Bummer! Hello water and coffee lol. But I'm positive I will lose weight this week. Since I started on Saturday I will actually wait until then to weigh again and hopefully I will have met my 2 pound goal!

My Bodybugg and Me

2009-02-02T07:56:00.001-08:00

Saturday, January 31, 2009:
Well today I got my Valentines Day/1 Year Anniversary present early J I got the Bodybugg I’ve been drooling over for a while now. I’d actually seen it at the gym but had no idea what it was. Then Heather (Adam’s trainer) told me about it. She definitely had many reasons to recommend it to me. She knows that I struggle with the food part of things and sometimes lately even working out. I think I like it for different reasons then she had intended, but I’ll get to that later.
I wanted to get it Friday night actually when we went to the gym, but a manager apparently needs to be there. I was highly annoyed but worked out hard anyway without it. So we got it Saturday afternoon when Adam had the trainer. It has to be charged etc, so I couldn’t use it yet. I was antsy to say the least. I even tried to sneak off early to get my greedy hands on it and start reading the user’s manual, but Heather caught me and made me get back to my back workout. So I spent the afternoon/early evening figuring it all out and charging it up. I couldn’t wait to start using it.
Sunday, February 1, 2009 - Day One with Bodybugg system:
So today was my first official full day with the Bodybugg. It is really cool and I have to say I’m very pleased thus far. MORE than pleased. Seriously, I haven’t been so excited about a “diet” ever. But before I go off on that, I should probably explain the system to those who maybe don’t know what it does exactly.
In a nutshell, it tracks how many calories you burn throughout the day. When you sleep, when you clean, when you exercise, everything! I can’t tell you how cool this is. So anyway the point is, in order to lose weight you really need to burn more calories throughout the day than you take in. So this helps you manage all that.
So the first thing is you register it and charge it up. Then you go to the website and fill out a bunch of questions etc. You determine how much weight you want to lose and how quickly. Then it gives you some targets. You can also say how much you want to exercise etc.
So for example I put that in 12 weeks I want to lose 30 pounds, so I want to lose 2 pounds a week. So in order to do that I need to consume no more than 3050 calories and my target amount of calories to burn is 4050 calories. So I wear this thing on my arm and it tracks how many calories I burn, and its 90% effective. Then you track the food you eat. Now its not required, but highly recommended it so I’m doing it. And its easy. You just go to the website and click one button. Then you can type in the food and it finds it. I’ve just been doing that after each meal, but you can do it at night etc. I just like to update it more frequently. You only have to charge the thing every 5-7 days. Then, whenever you want, you can connect it so that the mechanism on your arm is updated on the website. That only takes seconds! So at any time you can see where you are that day for your goal.
You have all kinds of tools, even workouts to help you. Its seriously awesome! And this last month they had a special where a display is free-which is normally 100 just on its own. So you can easily synch it to the armband and it actually displays a lot of information. You can see how many steps, how many calories, etc that the armband is tracking. You can wear that as a watch or kind of as a pin. Its seriously so cool!
I really really dig this concept. It really helped me today and that is something! I was wondering why it is working so well, and why I’m so excited over it, and I think a big thing is because you are so AWARE of it. I mean here you are wearing this thing on your arm (you can wear it under a shirt, and it doesn’t hurt or anything) and you have a watch on displaying how many calories you have burned. So its constantly on your mind. Then at the gym I was so incredibly stoked! I couldn’t wait to see the actual number of how many calories I burned. At the gym, those machines are never accurate for me. Also, I really wanted to see the difference in some of the workouts, especially when it comes to cardio. In other words, is the Precor elliptical better or the other elliptical machines? Do I burn more jogging/walking on treadmill? How much do I burn on the stairmaster? Its all very very interesting to me.
And here is another great thing. You actually WANT to see the calories go up in how much you are burning. So you are EXCITED about the gym. How often does that happen?
I feel like I just really have to make this work. I know I’ve tried many many different things and gotten excited only to fall and fail. But none of that matters. All that matters is now. I have found a valuable thing and I need to keep using it. Keep getting excited about it. Of course I will have a bad day, but I just need to keep stepping forward. That is the point of it all.
I’m just so excited to make this work. I’ve tried so many things and tried so hard. I want to make something happen this time. I want to get to that 300 mark! I’m willing to work hard. I see now how much work is involved, and I’m going to do it. Let me tell you, at the gym, it really kicked my butt today, I was sweating like crazy. It wasn’t easy hitting my goal mark of calories I needed to burn. But its so going to be worth it! Think of that wedding dress!

Too Fat for the Gym?

2009-01-28T10:24:00.000-08:00

Are you one of those who gets embarrassed at the gym? Some just don’t like to sweat in public. Some may feel like an obstacle. Long ago, I really used to be that way. I had a real complex about it. I hated how fat and unattractive I felt. And although I don’t care now because I have Adam, it wasn’t so long ago when I felt pangs of jealousy at the more healthy girls. The gyms can seem like such a meat market, and sometimes viewing it can be annoying and really stir up those dark envious feelings. I have to admit, a small evil part of me really wanted to smack all those cute skinny chicks with “Juicy” written on their ass and who prance about like princesses at the gym? You know who I’m talking about-the skinny bitches. They work out in their sports bras. They have perfectly tone bodies and perfectly primped hair and make-up which is completely annoying. I’m sorry, but why the hell do you do your hair and make-up for the gym? I used to drag my butt at 5 AM and hit the gym, and there were still some of those. I used to be mad, bitter, angry about it.
But these feelings are just not healthy. What a waste of emotion. Now I enjoy the ambiance of the gym immensely. Its highly enjoyable to watch the flirting and staring. I’m amused by women who work out on a machine for 2 minutes and then switch to another one to be seen. But in all honesty, 24-Hour Fitness is not such a meat market as Gold’s was, so a lot of that childishness is gone. Most of the people are there to actually work out! Wow, what a concept!
And I know its hard, it just like how difficult it was going dancing. I’m sorry but who wants to see this butt and stomachs (yes, its pluralized as there are many) jiggle about? It is frightful and I am embarrassed about it. However, I am so proud of myself for being there. And you know what, most people are fine with it to be honest. You are working out for crying out loud! Its not like you are in the mall eating a pizza by yourself. If they are making fun or thinking stuff, so what. It doesn’t matter what they think! Focus on why you are there.
For instance last night. Last night I put on my headphones and listened to my music on my ipod. I have listened to tv for so long, I forgot the power of music to me. It made me work out so hard. I turned it up loud and just ignored everyone else. The fast music encouraged me to go faster, it really felt like it was giving me power. I just sweated like a pig and was happy as a claim. I was just so proud of myself. Honestly people are asses who watch the Biggest Loser and make fun of them when they work out. How immature do you have to be?
But here is the universal truth ok. People can be total assholes. It’s the truth. But that is just life. GET OVER IT. If you really can’t do the gym, then go walk around your block or walk at the gym when its busy and not many people are there. Do what you have to do. I’m just saying, don’t let it impede you. Don’t use it as an excuse to start your life! Because when we make the excuses like we don’t have time, money, the tools, etc aren’t they just excuses? Of course they are! I’m not saying its easy, but its worth it. START TODAY AND STICK WITH IT! You are in complete control. You can make your dreams come true. Its up to you.

Remember the three rules and you’ve got it made:
1. Get Moving-burn some calories!
2. Put down the fork! Eat less
3. Drink plenty of water
That’s all there is to it people.

He Never Promised me a Promise Ring

2009-01-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

I can’t even remember if I already blogged about this. I know I commented about it on Facebook, but I got my promise ring! I’m so very excited about it. Can’t wait to me Holly Holt one day. (But boy is that a lot of HOL, HOL lol)……I guess at least its not Julia Goolia. (Name that movie Lisa!)
Jen and I actually did a little shopping the other day, and figured out some stuff I want. I’ve spent hours and hours looking online to figure out what I want.
THE COLORS:

Cameo pink, black, silver and white

THE THEME:
Victorian. There will be Victorian cones, maybe even some shoes, hats, fans etc.

THE CENTERPIECES:

I’m not sure completely, want to see how it will look, but my ideas so far: pebbles with wedding rub-ons strewn across the table, candles with ribbon & cameos, backless b&w pic of us on vellum paper w/ candle behind it, small Victorian cone with rose petals, small hatbox.
It’s so fun looking at things and deciding what you want. I actually discovered some cameos that I can get for 40 cents and even found some cameo molds that we can use for chocolates and even for icing for the cake! So way excited! I’m the luckiest girl in the world! Tons of time.
I really can do this. I can find things that I like and not spend a fortune, and I can be a relatively healthy bride by that time. And how lucky seriously to not have to do it in a few short months and stress like most people have to for their weddings.

Any Weight Loss Last Week?

2009-01-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 26, 2009
I sleepily creep into the frigid laundry room/pantry where our big scale is. (Thank you Grandpa McAffee) I was so very excited to see it. I felt like one of the contestants on the Biggest Loser! I couldn’t wait to see what it would say. My goal was 4-5 pounds. I just know I did it. Images of the past week floated in my mind-the first week in like forever where I actually worked out 5 times, every time Adam did and just as hard. I had really pushed myself this time. Although my food hadn’t been perfect, it was really rather good! I was proud of myself, eager to see how many pounds. Although sometimes I weigh every day, I hadn’t in days so the anticipation was killing me!
I stepped on and…………..

WTF!!!! Hmmm, perhaps wasn’t quite as good as I thought I was! Although I was hurt, sad, disappointed, and all the other icky emotions, I quickly snapped out of it. After all, it still is a loss. Sometimes you lose big, sometimes it isn’t much. Sometimes you gain. But all that matters is that you keep going and see the bigger picture. So I will keep at it! Eat right and exercise!

2009-01-25T22:16:00.000-08:00

Sunday, January 25, 2009
WEEKEND!!!!!
Bikini body I’m coming!!!!
One more glorious day left!!!!! Awww, I live for the weekends.........We’ve been working out like crazy which excites me so much! So weird, but I actually crave it now. I’m gonna ride this wave as long as it lasts. I seriously can’t wait to use the Body Bugg! We have to wait until the last day of the month paycheckwise to get it. Yesterday we were at Jen’s and she has one but hasn’t used it. I nearly stuck it under my shirt and walked out! I’ve been seriously hungry for that thing, and there it sat in an un-opened package crying out to me. Use me! Use me! J/K but anyway I’m excited to use the thing as you can tell. I know some of those machines lie about the calories, some seriously can’t pick up my heart rate. And I’m pretty sure I have a heart (although some exes may argue that ha ha ha j/k. I’m always the one that got dumped) so lots of times it doesn’t tell me the calories. Plus, no one really knows how many calories they burn cleaning and just going about your day. Not sure how this little thing does it, but it’s up to 90% accurate so I’m looking forward to that!

Tonight’s workout was tough but worth it!

I want to look good in my wedding dress!

2009-01-22T10:53:00.001-08:00

Wednesday-January 21, 2009
Gripe, gripe, gripe! Do you ever just have one of those days?!!!! And somehow you just want the world to know, even when its not that big of a deal! Sometimes I feel like all I do is complain. Isn’t it sad that most of us have all of these wonderful things in our lives-we have cars, food, place to live. Compared to starving people, do we really have anything to complain about?
Yeah probably not, but I’m gonna do it anyway! So it probably started this morning when I saw my face all red and bloated. My eyes all tired and red. Upset at myself since it was my own bloody fault for not going to bed until midnight. Perhaps someday I will realize I’m not 22 anymore-meh, hasn’t happened yet!
Then I remember I have to train a class today for Sales. Have to look semi decent. So I take a shower (I actually do this on ALL days, not JUST when I have trainings lol) and wear a dressier outfit and actually do my hair and head out the door.
The early morning was fine. I was packing up all my shot glasses in preparation for the “desk demotion”. Talking to co-workers, working on projects. I prepare for the training, set up examples in the build key and head over to the Draper II building. Contemplate on drive over when I will clean up my car that looks like I live in it. Hmmm, one day I suppose.
So I show up and the receptionist isn’t there and the usual meeting listings are not in the conference room they call “The Blender”. I’m early, and the room is occupied. Oh well, so much for making sure the computer works.
I head in the bathroom and I have my laptop (in case the computer acts up) and purse and hang on the stall. I wash my hands and head back to the stall to get my purse and laptop and someone walks in. I walk out and then realize in horror the person probably thinks I didn’t wash my hands! You know how rumors are. People will whisper in future company meetings “That’s the girl who doesn’t wash her hands”………oh well. I get inside and realize I need a drink badly. I roam that side of the building. WTH! Where is the break room? Am I blind or mentally challenged? Please don’t answer. Finally like a dumbass I ask someone. Its on the 2nd floor. Weird. So I go there and of course its locked. My badge won’t work. So I go back to the front lobby glaring at the people in my meeting room, ornary and thirsty. (are you feeling sorry for me yet lol j/k-kinda). So I get in 10 minutes early-wahoo! I review my notes. Of course the system isn’t set up correctly and I have to do all the installs for our program to work blah blah blah. And then its 11:00. Hmmm, don’t see anyone here yet. This is the right room right? Check mark. And the day? Is the day right. Yep siree. Hmmmm. I start getting annoying by 11:10. How typical of people. Rah. I bet no one will even show up. 11:25-hmmm, I could go over and ask but hell no I’m too upset. Now am I really upset at them? Not really, just annoyed at the whole having to move thing and having prepared for this when none of this department showed up for the previous 2 trainings. So I leave annoyed as hell. But what do I come back to? I have moved all my stuff previously except for my phone and computer. I was hoping by some miracle they had decided to move it. And had they? Of course not.
Ok so nothing against my company, but everywhere else I’ve been they have people who do that. Now I realize I work for a technology company, but I just know my software program, doesn’t mean I know everything about computers! Rah. So I get back already agitated, only to look forward to having to climb under my desk multiple times. Once under the old desk to unplug everything. Then I need to remember what was plugged in where and go under the new desk and plug things in. This may sound easy but when you have a laptop mount and an additional monitor and speakers, keyboard, mouse, and the phone. And realize some of the stuff has big chords that won’t fit through the hole so you have to push it up through the hole and grab it. And I’m sorry to be so crude, but the last thing people want to see as they are walking down the aisle is my big ol’ booty sticking out from under the desk. I don’t get on my hands and knees for just anybody. Bwa ha ha ha, now I REALLY am being crude.
Anyway it all worked! By some miracle my computer works AND my phone so apparently I’m not as big of a moron as I suspected. I did have to IM Adam to get me to calm down. Sheesh, I get all worked up over nothing!

Thursday-January 22, 2009
Lol so my luck continues……..our main toilet has not been working forever. The complex has fixed it like 10 times. Now the seat is off, the flusher is broken, and you have to flush it like 10 times for it to work. So this morning the toilet in our bedroom (well you know, not literally in the bathroom-hmmm, that would be gross but so convenient lol) has a problem. It overflows. And there was only like 4 squares of tp in it. Not to be graphic, but yikes. So I have no toilet right now. Hmm, perhaps I should stop sipping water right now ha ha ha. Hopefully apartment people will be here soon.
Awww I love my Thursday flex days. I already did shopping. I did dishes and some of the cleaning. Laundry is being done right now. (Adam actually did have of it last night bless his soul). So what am I going to do tonight? Absolutely nothing! Lol. I need it. Still battling that cold and I’m way behind on my shows! I’m actually watching American Idol from last night as I’m writing this. Its still the auditions, so totally its my favorite!!!
So diet-wise I’m doing good. I was 360 beginning of January. Now I’m 354.5. Slow yes! I hope to do better, but I just recently started back into exercising etc as I was so very sick. But no excuses any more! Been to the gym a lot this week. I’m thinking about getting the body bugg system. It monitors how many calories you are burning throughout the day so keeping track if you are burning more than you are consuming. Seems really cool so Adam may get it for me as its on special this month. I’m stoked! I think it would really help me and a much cheaper alternative then a trainer.
Oh man I’m such a cry-baby lately! I stayed up super late last night and was watching the Biggest Loser. It is extra motivating to me this year because there are some really big people! Finally I can relate a little more. Some people previously are like 250 and although to most people that is a small planet, its small potatoes to a biggie like me. There is actually a woman who was like 375. The guy weighed around 400, so I feel like I can relate so much more to it this time. They work so very hard. I know I can do it too.

The Weekend Progress!!!!

2009-01-18T10:43:00.000-08:00

1/16/09 Friday
7:00 AM: 2 eggs & salsa, oatmeal
8:43 AM: Awww don’t you just love Fridays???? Seriously. (Hmm, I say that a lot, cuz I keep wanting to write it and stopping myself as I use it to much lol). Oh I’m so sleepy today. I keep being so restless at night, keep thinking about wedding stuff and being so excited about it. Kind of like a kid the night before Christmas. Needs to stop!
Last night was Bonco, and it wasn’t really that hard to say no surprisingly. Even though there was yummy chocolate and sandwiches and the big half-time dessert was oogy gooey brownies with ice cream. Yummalicious! But it seriously (see I told ya) was not hard at all. I even helped Sharon serve everyone and the smell was so yummy. I did have one small piece of chocolate.
I have been really good the last couple of days. I did one of my workout videos yesterday. So I’m a little frustrated as I went up 2 pounds on Thursday and today I’m the same as yesterday. Just surprised as I weigh at the same time, sin ropa (without clothing lol), so there shouldn’t really be any factors that way. Usually when I’m being good I lose. Rah, I have a goal by Monday.
Maybe I’ve been worrying about it too much. So just need to calm down, make sure I get plenty of sleep especially since I have a cold. You can’t worry. This is when you can get frustrated and quit. But I can’t. I just need to keep being good. Sometimes that is just the way it is. Just have to keep at it.
So I have some other plans that will help. Since Adam and I don’t need to book a venue until like the summer, I have told him if I don’t lose the bare minimum 8 pounds each month, then for each month I don’t , he gets to move up the wedding date one month. That way it really pushes me.
I have another goal for Diet Coke. I just really love having the option, and I know there are some bad things about it, but I really want to be able to have a vice. But with all I’ve heard, I know restricting it will be key. I normally drink a lot of water, but lately less because I’ve been drinking more Diet Coke. So I have a good idea that won’t feel completely restrictive or a deprivation. The goal each day is to NOT have any. However, I can have one if I really need to. Also, on my weekly cheat day I can have a Diet Coke and its completely allowable.
3:50 PM: So I’m drinking my one Diet Pepsi lol. I feel guilty! I can barely drink it lol

1/18/09 Sunday
Well I ended up only drinking 1/3rd of that Diet Pepsi and then threw it out. However yesterday I did have one. But I’m okay with drinking just one. They say no one can have just one, but they can!
So yesterday I was good. A little snacky last night, but I think its okay. You live and you learn. And you just keep plugging away. I’m determined not to weigh until tomorrow morning. Last night I was proud of myself though. Not at first, I wasn’t feeling great in the morning so I begged Adam for us to be able to go to the gym later that night. Jen and I went and bought some stuff for the wedding. Oh and I must digress for a moment. I love just having a long time and being able to start already without all the pressure that most soon-to-be-brides must experience (poor dears). I have decided firmly on the cameo pink, black, white, and silver. Its so very pretty. The pink is just a delicate pink. Very pretty. It will all be enhanced with cameos. I got something off of E-Bay a while back. Last night I bought some loose cameos that we can use. I also found some that you can buy for 40 cents and that match my color scheme too. I’m so stoked! I was looking for hours last night on the internet and centerpieces etc. I did find some ideas I really like. I want to see what it would look like to copy a picture of us on vellum paper and put it in a backless frame and a candle in the back of it. Its supposed to make it glow a little. So I bought some candles to try it out with. Then we could decorate a candle with ribbon and a cameo. Then like a little homemade hat box and then a Victorian cone filled with rose petals and both decorated with cameo and lacy ribbon etc. Then all around the tablecloth will be pebbles/rocks with those rub on sayings that say “I love you” and “I do” etc. It should be really pretty. So you can see the rocks (some are black, some are pink), perhaps the tablecloths could be pink with black trim and then a piece across the middle in silver??? I have to see what that looks like to make up my mind. Anyway if the picture doesn’t work out, I want to lay out b&w pictures of me and Adam. So fun!!! We also found a few more frames. I have a ton of frames we can already use for the display tables. We did buy a couple more. I want candles and those Victorian cones everywhere and cameos on everything. I think it will be so pretty!
Anyway so the part I was proud of is that Adam started raiding so we didn’t go to the gym Saturday. Then I was raiding (Wow game) until 1. Well I had promised him I would work out, so I popped in a workout video and did it. I felt really good about that.
Today we will go right after breakfast.

1/15/09 Thursday

2009-01-15T16:10:00.000-08:00

Life is good!
I just am so happy right now! I think the last month was so very stressful and it had such a toll on me. I was highly stressed with work. I was so worried about all the wedding stuff. I had a miserable cold for 2 weeks, and just felt pretty hopeless and miserable for a period of time there.
But its given me a lot of time to self-reflect. I realize how much I stress over things! Crazy gal that I am! With work I’m going to try to be better. Yes, things get stressful, but I always handle it great, it works out every time so why do I worry so much! We are such funny creatures!
And now I’m just so so very happy. I just feel so very lucky with everything. I remember a while back when seriously (and I know I’ve said it before), I just figured I would be fat and alone forever. And I was miserable. I knew it was my own fault. Deep down I knew. I was so wrapped up in grief and family problems, that I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I kept thinking why me, but I know that is silly now. There is always someone who has it better, always someone who has it worse. So why focus on it? Deal with what you have. On the things you don’t like, CHANGE them. Realize you can change them. Work on a little at a time and know you can do it.
Last night I was nervous to tell Adam’s family about the wedding stuff. I was gonna chicken out. We had gone to Robby’s (Adam’s and my friend) dinner party and then went to Joey’s (Adam’s brother) birthday party and Adam whispers to me that I should tell them. So I told his mom while she cut his hair and she was so awesome about it. I know she wants it sooner as does he, but they understand. So I ask you, how lucky can a girl get?
I mean seriously, I should never complain about anything ever! I love my family so much. Jen and I have gotten closer. She has agreed to help me with so so much with the wedding and will be my maid of honor. I love my family. They love Adam so much.
And Adam’s family. Oh my gosh. No complaints! Seriously none. I love them all. We have so much fun playing games. They have teased him if he ever leaves me they will get rid of him and keep me. I’ve gone over there for family night even when Adam wasn’t there. And the sweetest thing, Val (his mom) heard me say how I’m sad my mom won’t be there and she gave me a big hug and said she knows I’m not her mom but that she will be there for me. How sweet is that. Anyway, they are great! It just makes me cry almost, because I’ve prayed long and hard for God to give me someone wonderful. And if it wasn’t too much to ask I begged if I could have a great mother-in-law since I don’t have a mom anymore. Tears of joy are filling my eyes right now. I’m so grateful.
I also feel so empowered right now. I just watched Biggest Loser which always motivates me. Wowers, they work out like 5-6 hours a day. Now you have to be careful, their diet is monitored and they have trainers and medical professionals, but you can do it yourself. I’ve decided I need and uber challenge. I need something new. I’m thinking about working out more. Ha ha, been slacking lately with the cold so working out more wouldn’t be hard. But what I really want to do is continue the nightly workouts with Adam-we usually go 5-6 times. But I want to do that and also work out in the mornings a little with the workout videos I have. That’s a lot, but come on, 3 hours is nothing compared to what they are doing. So I’m going to gradually try to do that. Let’s see how this goes. Sometimes you get great ideas, and sometimes they don’t always pan out. But I think this would really help me get into that wedding dress next year!
I can really taste it this time! There is no time for the up and down weight loss I’ve had in the last few months. Now of course there will be a week or so when I stay the same or gain, but I want 7 out of 8 to be weeks where I lose. And I know I can do it if I just stick to it. This will teach me patience! Control the cravings.
One tip I learned today. Sometimes you start craving something sweet. You think of donuts and chocolate cake etc. And every once in a while its ok to indulge, but you can’t indulge all the time. You need to have control and save that cheat night for later. So what do you do? You drink some water and have a snack that is naturally sweet. Realize that your craving is really just a sign. Most of the time its just that you are hungry and need something. A yogurt, a protein bar, a fruit, things that are sweet but have ¼ of the calories of the cake, are an excellent substitute and you learn its what your body needs and you are sated!
Bonco is tonight. They always have yummy desserts and from the 3 different cakes that were offered last night I did have one small piece, so I’m not going to tonight. I’m going to make sure I eat dinner before and then I will bring a protein bar in case there isn’t any fruit or veggies that I can eat, and say no to the half time goodie. I can do it! It will be worth it.
I need to remember this when I'm having a bad day!!!!

2009-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

My blog feels more like my journal lately. Most of you know I have kept a journal for years and have like 20 of them at least, but last year I didn’t write as much as I normally do. I guess in today’s world it can seem so time-consuming. I wanted to make sure there were entries about Adam, and I’m happy to say there are some when we first started dating etc, so a couple of times I have looked back and really enjoyed what I wrote when we first started dating. Its kind of fun. I’m a sentimental fool if you want to know the truth. I’ve read our first conversations on IM as google keeps them. Also, I have a few of his texts, like the first time he said I love you in text (he said it in person first don’t worry lol) saved in my phone. What a silly woman!
I love how my friend Allison uses her blog as a scrapbook for her kids. I miss her dearly since she has moved (more than she knows), so it’s so fun to look at! She describes things so well and with the pictures and the artistic way she lays it out, it really feels like you are a part of it somehow. I have so many friends that keep fun blogs.
So forgive my dribble, it definitely serves my purpose as an outlet for my feelings, and a way to keep a journal more easily.
Well, my mind has been filled with nothing but wedding plans!!!! I wonder if the worry over it all is what started my illness. Today I can barely talk (hee hee a blessing some may think!). I’ve been so stressed about the lack of money and when the timing would be. Which is rather funny anyway because he hasn’t even asked! But his family has already started planning and we have picked the ring out and he knows the date. So much for surprises lol. But I love that I don’t know the date he will ask, so I’m really looking forward to it.
Well I have driven Adam, his family, my friends and family probably crazy going back and forth with wedding ideas etc I think. I had started thinking about it some time back. I have never really been that girl that has had it all planned out since she was six. So I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted etc. And I am a woman, an emotional one at that. And a Gemini! That leads to a lot of changing of the mind people!
It ended up that there were 2 ideas in my head. The one I really wanted I was suppressing. Everyone wanted the wedding sooner, even Adam. And it was important to me to make them happy. But I was so disappointed and worried and stressed. One thing was money. I’m in a debt settlement program, so if it was this year I would spend like nothing on my wedding. Now I’m no snob and need to spend thousands on my wedding, but I do admit there are things I really want. For example, Darin who did our video for Biggest Loser audition has to do my wedding video! I know its so expensive, but its so worth it to me. I don’t need a Vera Wang gown and a huge princess wedding, but I do want something that is classy. My dream wedding I guess you could say.
But I thought if we got married this year, I could sacrifice and not have the theme etc I desired. I came up with a fun alternate plan where all would be happy. A theme wedding around Halloween. This way it could be a fun party and I wouldn’t have to be in a dress and it could be soon etc.
And I am excited to marry him so much. I want that more than anything. But in a conversation last night with someone very dear to me, a very simple question was asked………..what do I really want? And I thought long and hard about that. What did I really want?
So last night after watching American Idol with Lisa and the gang, I went home and talked to my honey. I apologized for being stress case and for changing my mind practically every day. I told him that I had a time for us to get married in mind and wanted to run in by him. I told him that if he wanted sooner, it wasn’t just about me and we could compromise. After I told him my reasons though, he agreed, even though I know he wants to get married sooner. But he is so sweet and wants to make me happy. I feel so selfish asking him it, but he understands and is supporting me.
So we are thinking of next summer, maybe July or something. And we can not move the date back again no matter what. This way though we can save up for it and buy things gradually, but most importantly it gives me such a wonderful goal!
Yes I know you don’t have to be a skinny bride! I know that is not a requirement. I had resolved to not worry about it and be fine as is. But when I watched Bridal Wars and saw those women in their dresses, I just bawled (cried about lots of things that night lol) and bawled. That is what I want so bad.
And maybe its silly, maybe its selfish. Who knows what it is. But it is what I want more than anything. So I’m just hoping that everyone will be understanding and accepting of it. I know everyone wants sooner.
But I think this will really push me to lose as much as I can. I don’t need to be perfect by then. I just want to be at the point where I don’t have to special order a dress. I dream of Adam being able to lift his bride in his arms, you know without throwing out his back lol.
Its probably justification, but my family we have been through a lot. Just like everyone, life hasn’t been easy. So I just want this one thing. And I’ve agreed that we can’t change the date again. If I skip out on diet, then I agreed we will get married sooner.
Not just for the wedding, but then I will be healthy enough to have kids!
Wahoo! So now I can be healthier, in a normal size dress and have the cameo and black colors I really really want!

TEARS, BREASTS, & BRIDAL WARS..........

2009-01-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

I’m fairly confident that such a title (see above) has never before been written………
Wowsers! Its been WAY too long since I’m blogged.
So before I get to the title, here are some other topics of interest:

HEALTHWISE:
So I went up a LOT over the holidays, BUT I’m back to where I was before them so that is great. No more holidays for a long time, so it should be MUCH easier. Kudos to Lisa who inspired me to write yet again even when I haven’t done well………and to keep blogging (and not play wow so much lol)

I did just get my hair done and I’m contemplating getting my nails done. I hate paying for it honestly, but it does make me feel all girly etc. They say beauty is from within, but can anyone see really see my inner beauty (well except that one time I had an ultrasound)………j/k I really agree that beauty is from within-its NOT just something ugly people say (that movie quote is from Linzie who BETTER know it).

But, having said that, I have noticed that I have more confidence on days where I get a little more “dolled up”. Not sure that guys feel the same way, but for most of us women, we feel more pretty when we have a little make up and our hair is nice. When you are happier, you are more apt to take better care of yourself, so its part of my overall improvement of myself………(also perhaps because I’m seeing my friends Kari and Justin tonight who really notice these things!)
So anywho, I’ve been super sick and running around doing stuff, need to refocus on the gym. I felt super horrible, but I’m feeling somewhat better so I need to get back there. I did meet my goal last week, but for this week its looking kinda grim so far (might be due to the buttered popcorn last night)

TEARS/BREASTS/BRIDAL WARS:
Yes still with Adam and no, not married or engaged yet. But yikes the pressure! I love his family dearly but they are all pushing this June thing and Adam and I definitely want to get married, but don’t want to be pushed into it, we want to feel like we are doing it because we actually want to do it. But it was funny. Monday his family kept teasing me-and I just adore them. Goodness they got more presents for me for Christmas than they did Adam. I seriously seriously love them! There is no one out there with better future in-laws. I count my blessings in that regard highly. So they were laying it on thick Monday, then Tuesday morning his aunt (whom I work with) started how we should just have a triple marriage with Adam’s cousins in June. So everyone is pushing June and even other coworkers are asking if I’m getting married in June. And then Monday night I dreamt that Adam proposed and I was pregnant also. And then last night I watched the movie Bridal Wars! YIKES!!!!!

Well and to be honest, I love him with all my heart. He is amazing and I want his babies and to grow old with him! But seriously I’m in a debt program so no mula and no one to help pay for a wedding AND I’m too chunky to get in a wedding dress. I refuse to do it!!!! I don’t need to be my ideal weight, but I need to get at least 100 pounds off this body before I start trying on dresses. So anyway those are my reasons.

So last night during the movie though, which is hilarious by the way. You totally need to see it! Anyway I couldn’t stop crying my eyes out. One of the fighting brides lost her parents, and see I have this little issue I need to deal with. At Laurie’s wedding I couldn’t stop crying because it just felt so wrong that my mother wasn’t there and I remember feeling so sad for Laurie and for me when I get married one day……..so this movie I have to tell you was pretty unreal. I’m not used to this. I’ve been single forever. Normally I love during these chick flicks or wedding movies, but if I was depressed I would get really sad. There were many times I was resolved in thinking that I wouldn’t get married. I tried to deal with it, but sometimes it was overwhelming……….so anyway lots of emotions as I watched that movie anyway. And sometimes maybe you just need to cry……..but after the movie I just cried my eyes out for like 2 hours. I’m so grateful to my sisters Laurie, Jen, and Adam who comforted me.
I was so sad thinking of getting married without my mother. I just miss her so much sometimes. But Laurie helped comfort me and told me she knew mom was at hers. And on that day its okay to just be happy. Mom would want it that way.

PUBLIC NUDITY!!!!

So there was some comic relief, and I hate even writing it after such an emotional display….but here goes. ………….I FEEL SO VIOLATED! Here we are in the theatre, you know PUBLIC movie theatre, and suddenly, missy in front of us plops out her naked B-R-E-A-S-T (nipples and all) in front of God and everyone to feed her young child. NO BLANKET PEOPLE!!!! Now I am not one of those that freaks out over people breast feeding. Some people can’t handle it at all. I’m not overly modest, I get it-you gotta feed your kid. Personally not sure I could in public even with a blanket, maybe with family (and only adults),…………..EEEEK. Seriously felt so uncomfortable with that.

But it got worse. So she stops for a bit and her naked breast still just hanging out for all to see. Then after she is done, baby is sleeping and for the rest of the movie her breast is still out!!!! Hello, thought the movie was PG, but it just got bumped up to PG-13.
Yikes, sorry but this is just so wrong on so many levels. And I know there is a huge movement about there and the beauty and naturalness of this and how women should be able to do it, well fine but GET A BLANKET!!!!! For the love of all that is holy! Hello, if I had kids or teenagers I would have been QUITE upset and I might have said “hey lady, put dem things away” Perhaps I'm a prude, but to me that is so disrespectful!!!!!

2008-12-17T06:54:00.001-08:00

December 17, 2008
Weight 12/15/08: 359.75
Weight 12/16/08: 357.5
Weight 12/17/08: 355
WOOT!
I’m just thrilled! I would like to be 345, so lose 10 more by the New Year. I could lose more, but I know I will indulge a little on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

GOALS:
TODAY: NO sodas today
THIS WEEK: Weigh 350 by Monday morning J
THIS MONTH: Weigh 345 by NEW YEARS! (and hopefully fit in my jeans!!!)

LONG TERM: Weigh 300 by April 1st
But I’m going to just take it one step at a time!

I’m on the RADIO???!!!!

2008-12-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

LISTEN TO ME ON THE RADIO:
GO TO:
http://x96.com/music/podcast/rfh/ or www.x96.com and click on PODCASTS link
1. METHOD ONE-Click on HERE link under itunes logo (View details about podcast) and then select the following shows (times are listed)
· December 8, 2008 Show-Time = 1:39:22 (one hour, 39 min, 22 sec) (they read 1st email)
· December 10, 2008 Show-Time = 2:09:51 (2nd email read)
· December 11, 2008 Show-Time = 46-47:17 (me calling in)
· December 12, 2008-Time = 28:40-40:30 (me in the studio being “kept” or dumped”)
2. METHOD TWO-click on Here link (3rd one down-headphones icon) to listen WITHOUT itunes). Days & times of shows:
· December 8, 2008 Show-Time =99:29-100:5 (they read my email)
· December 10, 2008 Show-Time = 130:4-133:1 (they read my 2nd email)
· December 11, 2008 Show-Time = 46-47:17 (I call in)
· December 12, 2008 Show-Time 28:48-40:26 (me in the studio-funny)

MY EXPERIENCE:
DAY ONE:
So I sent an email last week to Richie, the producer of X-96. They are looking for people to come help with the show-interns what have you. I thought this might be fun and have always loved radio, so I sent the email and told my boyfriend Adam about it.
So last week, he IM’s me exclaiming “Hon, they are reading your email on the radio”. I thought he was joking and laughed, and then he started typing my exact email:
Hi Richie!
My name is Holly McAffee and I would be thrilled to be a part-time intern! I love your show, thanks for letting me listen!
About me:
I’m energetic and really fun! I’m a cute chubby girl, even though Bill says you can’t be cute if you are chubby lol. I am a people person, love to give talks etc.
I’m assuming you need interns in the morning. I could from 5 AM to 8:30 AM, or anything from 6 PM to Midnight.
I have ALWAYS been interested in radio. I have attached my resume.
I was so embarrassed. I listened and was dying laughing! I meant to say I like to talk! Not give talks. So they were teasing me about that. And then they claimed Bill NEVER said I couldn’t be chubby.
Richie emailed me back and said they wanted me to come give them a talk!
I emailed Richie back as follows:
Dearest Richie,
Thank you so kindly for emailing me back. So I just heard the program from yesterday as I am computer ‘savvy’ enough to listen to the podcasts……….(and trust me, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying from embarrassment)
So which “Talk” would you like:
-The “honey we have to talk” talk
-The “when we are in public don’t call me mother. Call me Jill.” Talk
-The talk your son gives you about how he likes boys
-The “sex” talk
LOL I can give you any talk you like! For the record, I actually meant that I like to talk!!!!
On a serious note, would you like a presentation or really a talk? How about Thursday or Friday morning? Can you give me the address and time that works for you!
PS. Bill DID say I couldn’t be cute one day off the air when I called in once. But I am more than chubby-I’m more like morbidly obese, but who wants to describe themselves as such?
This video (if he actually watched it at the time) may refresh his memory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ounQqzjmxpY

DAY TWO:
So on December 10th, they read my second email on the air and Bill remembers who I am and says I am cute though I’m chubby lol
DAY THREE:
On the 11th I call in and am on the air and we set up for me to come the next day to be on the radio and give my list of things that must go (pet peeves)
DAY FOUR:
So last Friday I was on the radio! Went it and met the Radio from Hell DJ’s and was on the show. It was so much fun! Too hilarious to even describe. You must listen to the podcast.

CURRENTLY:

I made them some homemade ornaments that I'm going to take in tomorrow or the next day.

Diary of a Fat Girl

VOTE ME for new ABC Weight Loss Reality Show!!!!

Wednesday Night

Power Outage

The Sweetest Thing

I'M SO CHEEZY

How is it AUGUST???

What Exactly is the "BEYOND"?

Family Parties With and Without Booz

Just Kickin' It

Working my Tail Off

Shark Week

Week in Review……

Best/Prescious Moments of the Week

Funny Moments

Stress-ball Moments

Sweet & Sour

Enlightening Moments

Weekly Review: Health Talk

Results

Programs I'm On

What I Did Good

What Needs Improvement

The Plan

Motivation/Focus

Week in Review…..

Funny Quotes

Moments of Shame

Harry Potter

Life

Friday

Saturday

Monday is the Day!

My Challenge

Today!

Something just makes us feel like you have to eat LESS to lose right. But it just isn't true. Its WHAT you eat. Eating LESS calories does not equal eating less. But such a strange concept to grasp I think.

Obstacles I OVERCAME TODAY/THINGS I DID RIGHT:

PLAN FOR TONIGHT:

Why don’t I blog anymore????

Weekend Report

Family Update

My Health Quest

Miscellaneous

Nuriche LiVE & ReVIVE REVIEW

Diet Coke Quitting Again!

The Stinking Truth

Post a Trainer in the forums (Myspace) just said to me:

Acceptable Breakfasts

Snack One

Lunch

Snack Two

Dinner

Late Snack

Avoiding Common Drug Mistakes in Light of Michael Jackson’s Possible Drug Addictions

Want more ENERGY & WEIGHT LOSS?

Celebrity Deaths & Diet Update

*Nuriche Stuff*

Day One: (Wednesday)

Day Two: (Thursday)

Day Three: (Friday-today)

*Celebrity Deaths*

*Total Randomness*

My Sister’s Keeper and my Mother’s Spirit

Having fun writing!

Monday-June 22nd, 2009

Yesterday (Friday, June 19, 2009)

(Thursday, June 18, 2009)

(Wednesday, June 17,2009)

(Tuesday, June 16, 2009)

Monday Fun Day

LAST Weekend

Friday, June 12, 2009

Acai Berry Detox is a SCAM!!!!!

NEED FATHER'S DAY GIFT IDEAS????

READ MY PUBLISHED ARTICLES!!!!

I'M A PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!!!!

Its nearly Friday!!!!

Terrible TERRIBLE Tuesday

Another MANIC Monday

Shiskabob Sunday!

Nuriche Stuff

Celebrity Deaths

Total Randomness